Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 15  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 15, in 1971, U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages, rents and prices ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award A man has been arrested for first-degree murder in Mesa after police say he purposely ran over another man with his car. _________________________________________________ Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me. __________________________________________________ A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone." __________________________________________________ After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby." ___________________________________________________   Tanya Wierenga Great Horned Owl Red Deer County, 12/8/2022 __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  John Lagana, 61, Mesa, Arizona, USA  A man has been arrested for first-degree murder in Mesa after police say he purposely ran over another man with his car.  A man has been arrested for first-degree murder in Mesa after police say he purposely ran over another man with his car. John Lagana, 61, was taken into custody for the death of 63-year-old Christopher Heimer on Aug. 12. Surveillance video revealed that Heimer was walking down the sidewalk in an area near Main Street and Power Road when Lagana, who was driving in the opposite direction, reportedly swerved out of the roadway and slammed directly into the 63-year-old man. Heimer was flung into a landscaped area outside an apartment complex, and police say the driver turned around to run him over again. "Lagana continued to travel eastbound on the sidewalk, damaging mailboxes and landscaping before turning around and driving back toward Heimer," Mesa PD said in a statement. Witnesses reported seeing the 61-year-old get out of his car and stomp on Heimer's head multiple times. One bystander brandished their own gun and shot into the ground, stopping Lagana and allowing time for police to come and arrest him. Investigators say that the suspect had been parked just northwest of the victim's house and had been honking his horn repeatedly until he came outside. "Observations on scene showed where Lagana accelerated through the empty lot onto the street," police said. "Officers also found skid marks from Laganas vehicle in the roadway and on the sidewalk where the incident occurred." He was booked into jail on a first-degree murder charge. The "Lying in wait" makes him eligible for the death penalty, so does turning ound to hit him again. _____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ >From Marnie After I recovered from surgery, my family suggested that I write thank-you notes to everyone who sent gifts and cards. I agreed that it was a nice idea, and I asked my daughter to buy several books of 'Love' stamps at the post office. Upon returning, my daughter said, "I asked for books of Love stamps, but the clerk told me they were out of books. And all he could give me was 'Love' in the sheets." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Connie RE: Search Hijacking Dear Webby, RE: Search Hijacking Dear Webby, An email from security@paypal.com showed up in my mailwasher last night. I knew that MailWasher flagged it for deleting for a good reason, but I was curious and decided to play with fire. I downloaded this to see what it was, but did NOT click on the included link. And it still managed to hijack the search feature on my browser. When I turned on the computer (or rebooted), a search engine list ran down the left side column of the opening page. I could close that, but the next page I went to turned into a full screen search list. The only way to close this was to shut down the browser. After spending all morning on this, I found the CWShredder. This is a very small utility that specifically removes search hijacks. I vaguely remembered the Cool Web Search Shredder. It was a guerilla program at that time, ages ago. Now it is owned by Trend Micro. I hope they paid big money to put that great little program into their stable! It is now here: https://filehippo.com/download_cwshredder/ Still works great and fast! Connie color> Dear Connie! Thanks for bringing the Shredder back! Everbody, be careful with the download. TrendMicro likes to slither all kinds of ALMOST related stuff into your path. By paying attention and not getting greedy, you CAN limit the download to just what you want. But you gotta pay attention! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ "Louisa" asked her small brother, "could you help me with my math homework?" Certainly not," replied Louisa indignantly. "It wouldn't be right." "Probably not," said her brother, "but you could at least try!" _____________________________________________________ A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter -- yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her. When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent, "Does that happen often? I can't believe how nice you were to him." The agent smiled and said, "No problem, I took care of it. He's going to Detroit. His bags are going to Bangkok." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! ___________________________________________________ Two drunks enter a hotel late at night. They approach the night-clerk, and one of them says: "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?" "You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk. "Whatever, whatever you shay." So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door. "Ahh," says one, "Now we can get some sleep at last." As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says one of them. "There's somebody in my bed too!" says the other. "Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says the first. They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually one of them throws the other on the floor. "ALL RIGHT!!" he shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed." "You're lucky," says the other, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more." "Well, never mind," says the first, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here." _____________________________________________________ Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really down in the dumps. "What's the matter?" Bill asked. "I don't' get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many damn people you have to please. "Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me. "Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me. "And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!" _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ >From Bill Last time I was in the hospital, I really enjoyed myself: Patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them my circumcision scar, and the like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of my crude behaviour and said, "A pervert like you should be living in a whore house!" I grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay for it." ____________________________________________________ 
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 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 
 Today, August 15, in 1057, Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of King Duncan. 1848, The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 1877, Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word, "hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy" when answering the telephone. 1911, The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble Company. 1914, The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal was the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. 1918, Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were severed. 1935, Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane crash near Point Barrow, AK. 1939, "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Hollywood, CA. Judy Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." 1943, Because of his special talent to use food scraps in both unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War Department awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 1944, The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern France. 1945, The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan agreed to surrender unconditionally. 1947, India became independent from Britain and was divided into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been under British about 200 years. 1948, The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 1949, In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate Bridge was performed for the first time. 1961, East German workers began construction of the Berlin Wall. 1970, Mrs. Pat Palinkas became the first woman to play in a pro football game when she held the ball for the Orlando, FL, Panthers. 1971, U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages, rents and prices. 1986, The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic sanctions against South Africa. The ban included the importing of steel, uranium, textiles, coal, and produce from South Africa. 1992, Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth" concerning the issue of U.S. servicemen still being held prisoner in Indochina. 1994, The U.S. Social Security Administration became an independent government agency. It had been a part of the Department of Health and Human Services agency. 1997, The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute FBI officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge siege in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged cover-up. 2000, A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in South Korea for temporary reunions with relatives they had not seen for half a century. Also, a group of 100 South Koreans visited the North. 2001, Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar system outside our own. They had discovered two planets orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. 2011, Google announced that it would acquire Motorola Mobility for $12.5 billion. 2015, North Korea began using UTC+08:30 (official name Pyongyang Time) as a rejection of Japanese imperialism. 2022 Do! smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!