Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, May 16 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Girl, 2, screamed in agony after she and mother were stabbed by her father with a steak knife Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 16 in 2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated to run for U.S. Senator in New York. The senator for that riding had been ordered to resign by the Democratic Party to give the 100% safe riding to Hillary in exchange for not making a big fuss about Monica. That got her the very lucrative lifetime senator's pension and deluxe health care.  More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ The outcome of any serious research can only be to make two questions grow where only one grew before. ---Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ When a coworker received a phone call from her daughter, we heard her exclaim joyfully, "Seven and a half pounds! I'm so proud!" After she had hung up, I asked, "Boy or girl?" "Neither," my colleague replied. "Diet." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.' _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ "Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild." "I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!" "That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  TheodisColeman, 37, Jonesboro, Ak.  Girl, 2, screamed in agony after she and mother were stabbed by her father with a steak knife  Harrowing police bodycam footage shows a two year old girl screaming in agony after being stabbed in the arm by her father with a steak knife. The youngster, who has not been named, was sliced through the arm by Theodis Coleman, 37, after police arrived to deal with a domestic dispute at his home in Jonesboro, Ak., last month. Footage released by Jonesboro PD begins with Coleman arguing with his partner over custody of the children, saying 'You didn't have to call no police.' Moments later he lunges at the woman with the knife, slicing both her and the little girl through the arm. That prompts an immediate response from the cops, who order Coleman to the floor while pointing their guns at him. After showing the altercation from a different angle, the video then cuts to show the screaming toddler being rushed outside by her mother, while the woman slams her partner for what he has done, saying 'He just stabbed me. I hate this boy.' One cop calmly instructs her to hold the little girl's arm and put pressure on it as he makes a tourniquet from a first aid bag inside his cruiser. She was later flown by helicopter to Le Bonheur Children's Hospital in Memphis, Tn. Both mother and daughter are expected to make a full recovery. Coleman was charged with second-degree domestic battery and is in Craighead County Jail in lieu of $15,000 bond, reports the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. Police say the incident arose after the woman threatened to leave Coleman and take the little girl with her. A Jonesboro PD spokesman hailed the actions of its officer, saying: 'Officer Blaine Middlecoff was able to act without hesitation to stop life-threatening bleeding because of the training he had received from the Stop the Bleeding Foundation.' 
 Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Daylight Saving Time problem  Dear Webby Since the early arrival of daylight saving time my clock will not stay updated. I do not have the pc set to do automatic updates as I want to update only the things I want. I have clicked on the clock time on the taskbar & reset it on the clock setting but it keeps going back to the old time. I have clicked "apply" then ok. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can keep it set to the current time? Thanks for your help on this & other questions. Sharon  Dear Sharon Seems your Windows is short a few marbles. As long as you got theIE7 block in place, and don't update the Media Player, all other updates are safe. In the meantime, just change your time zone one zone to the one East of you. Have FUN DearWebby    
 A man says to a friend, "I've got a riddle for you. If there were three crows on a fence post and I shot one, how many would be left?" Without hesitating, the friend says, "Two left." "You don't get the point," the man says. "Listen to the riddle. There were three crows on a fence post. Then I shot one. How many would be left?" "Two left," the friend says again. "No," the man says in a superior tone of voice. "None would be left, because if I shot one then the other two would fly away." "Isn't that what I've been saying?" the friend says. "Two left." 
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 A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered. "What party does your husband belong to?" he asked. The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to." 
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 We took a friend to dinner at a restaurant that offered free refills of nonalcoholic drinks. Before the main course arrived, she kept the waitress scurrying for refills. When our friend asked for yet another, the waitress raised an eyebrow and asked, "What did you have for lunch, a sponge?" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Plants for Gifts  I take cuttings of my indoor and outdoor plants and begin new ones in saved plastic planters. These are my "give away" plants. Last week alone, I saved money by being able to use them as "thank you" gifts. Wrap them up in some cellophane with ribbons and they look store bought. By Kathy  Be careful that you don't get carried away with that! That is what my father started to do after he retired. Now have a look at his site at http://dawna.com Most recent page is at the top in the menu on the left. He specialized on cacti, because they only need watering 2 - 3 times a year and multiply nicely as long as they are not pampered. Now he has over 5000 plants and no time to label the pictures!  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Thanks to Dave for this story: Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."  
Book Towns are made for book lovers, and I'm a book lover. 
 ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ The following are apparently actual excuses written by parents and given to teachers: 1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on March. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 2. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault. 3. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side. 4. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. 5. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him. 6. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines. 7. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip. 8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 9. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating. 10. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach. 11. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout. 12. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 13. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals. 14. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah (*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits.. ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, May 16 in 1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King Louis XVI of France, who was 15. 1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set up the Afghan state. 1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public started service. 1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc was demonstrated by Emile Berliner. Before that, recordings were made on cylinders. 1888 The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin. 1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome. 1939 The Philadelphia Athletics and the Cleveland Indians met at Shibe Park in Philadelphia for the first baseball game to be played under the lights in the American League. 1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway. 1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape recorder. 1948 The body of CBS News correspondent George Polk was found in Solonika Bay in Greece. It had been a week after he disappeared. 1960 A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the American U-2 spy plane incident. 1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in California, demonstrated the first working laser. 1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, ending Project Mercury. 1965 Spaghetti-O's were sold for the first time. 1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus. 1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 1977 Five people were killed when a New York Airways helicopter, idling on top of the Pan Am Building in Manhattan, toppled over, sending a huge rotor blade flying. 1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load, slightly smellier. 1988 A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop declared that nicotine was addictive in similar way as heroin and cocaine. 1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress. 1992 The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its maiden voyage. 1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after some of his military awards were called into question. 1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule. 2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated to run for U.S. Senator in New York. The senator for that riding had been ordered to resign by the Democratic Party to give the 100% safe riding to Hillary in exchange for not making a big fuss about Monica. That got her the very lucrative lifetime senator's pension and deluxe health care. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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