Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, October 6  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, october 6, in 1991, Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA. It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award Orlando woman arrested for stabbing sister to death for flirting with her online boyfriend  ____________________________________________________ Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008 It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), ___________________________________________________ An employee approached his boss and asked for a raise. "Well" began the head man, "business is bad now, Frank, and I just can't afford to give you a raise." "But I'm doing the three men's work and I always have!" retorted Frank. "Three men's work?" exploded the boss. "Tell me who the other two are, and I'll fire them!" ____________________________________________________ >From Diana During lunch, an ad for a lending institution came on the television set in our employees' lounge. As the commercial extolled the pleasures of extra money, I remarked that there was no such thing as "extra" money. "Yes, there is," my supervisor retorted. "It's what you have right before your car breaks down." __________________________________________________  Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  Fatiha Marzan, 21, Orlando, Florida, usa  Orlando woman accused of stabbing sister to death for flirting with her online boyfriend  A Central Florida woman is facing a first-degree murder charge for reportedly stabbing her sister to death at an Orlando home, the Orange County Sheriff's Office said. According to an arrest affidavit, Fatiha Marzan, 21, allegedly killed her sister 20-year-old Sayma Marzan because she had been flirting with her boyfriend. Authorities said Fatiha recently found out that her long- distance boyfriend of five years would flirt back with Sayma and that he told Sayma he loved her. On Sept. 26 at 7:30 p.m., Orange County deputies responded to a home on Southern Charm Drive where the sisters shared a bedroom after Fatiha called 911 saying she stabbed her sister. When deputies arrived at the home, they found Sayma dead inside. Fatiha admitted to deputies that she stabbed Sayma in the heart three to four times, the affidavit stated. A Central Florida woman is facing a first-degree murder charge for reportedly stabbing her sister to death at an Orlando home, the Orange County Sheriff's Office said. According to an arrest affidavit, Fatiha Marzan, 21, allegedly killed her sister 20-year-old Sayma Marzan because she had been flirting with her boyfriend. Authorities said Fatiha recently found out that her long- distance boyfriend of five years would flirt back with Sayma and that he told Sayma he loved her. On Sept. 26 at 7:30 p.m., Orange County deputies responded to a home on Southern Charm Drive where the sisters shared a bedroom after Fatiha called 911 saying she stabbed her sister. When deputies arrived at the home, they found Sayma dead inside. Fatiha admitted to deputies that she stabbed Sayma in the heart three to four times, the affidavit stated. Fatiha bought a knife set from Amazon two weeks prior to the stabbing which she hid in a closet and carefully planned when she would murder her sister, law enforcement said. "Fatiha knew she had to wait until her family was asleep to stab Sayma because she did not want anyone to hear the incident, and stop her" the affidavit stated. "Fatiha consciously decided to kill her sister, Sayma, and the decision was present in her mind at the time of the murder." Fatiha is being held in jail without bond. _____________________________________________________ >From Eddie Many patients call the pathology group where I am office manager to discuss their medical bills. One irate woman demanded that I describe every laboratory test on her statement. Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test on her bill, I read, "No. 1, urinalysis." She interrupted me at once. "I'm a what?" _____________________________________________________   Tom McDonald Albino Porcupine October 3, 2022. West-central Alberta. _________________________________________________ A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones." _____________________________________________________   Stephen O Colean ___________________________________________________ Father O'Malley answers the phone: "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can" "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?" "I do" "Is he a member of your congregation?" "He is" "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?" "He will". _________________________________________________  Dearwebby's tech support pits From:Vi Re: Dial 90 Hi Dear Webby, I got this forward from a cousin and looked to see if it was on the Hoax list. I didn't see it but thought you might know about it. > I received a telephone call last evening from an individual >identifying himself as an AT&T Service technician who was > conducting a test on telephone lines. He stated that to complete the test I should touch > nine(9), zero(0), the pound sign (#), and then hang up. .... Vi===  Dear Vi That trick with forwarding the phone works in some areas, but not exactly the same way all across the country. However, REAL phone techs NEVER ask you to do silly stuff like that. They have much easier ways to check your line, without bothering you.. Depending on your mood at the time, there are various ways to respond if somebody asks you to punch ANY numbers on the phone. You could for example tell him that he must have the wrong number because you don't have a phone. While he mulls that over, you quickly browse to the telemarketer song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w_H6uOX-78 (bookmark that or drag an icon from the browser onto the desktop!) and while you crank up the speakers, hold the phone close to them. You can of course sing along at full volume too. It's quite cheery, especially if you sing a bit off key '-) By the way, all phone companies recommend that if something like that happens, that you immediately afterward dial zero for the operator and tell them all about it. They can trace the last call, and they will send some really big female phone techs over there to tune the crook in to phone company policy. Apparently they get right miffed if some two-bit crook is trying to give them a bad name. Have fun! Dear webby ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down." _____________________________________________________ A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't shut up. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase because of a souvenir bath towel. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this, I gotta see!" _____________________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  today, october 6, in 1683, The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 1848, The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for San Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived on February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 1863, The first Turkish bath was opened in Brooklyn, NY, by Dr. Charles Shepard. 1866, The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in America near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000. 1880, The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out for selling beer. 1884, The Naval War College was established in Newport, RI. 1889, In Paris, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the public for the first time. 1889, The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had patented the moving picture machine in 1887. 1890, Polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church. 1927, "The Jazz Singer" opened in New York starring Al Jolson. The film was based on the short story "The Day of Atonement" by Sampson Raphaelson. 1928, War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-Shek. 1937, "Hobby Lobby" debuted on CBS radio. 1939, Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against Britain and France in an address to Reichstag. 1948, "Summer and Smoke" by Tennessee Williams opened on Broadway. 1949, U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form of military aid to NATO countries. 1954, E.L. Lyon became the first male nurse for the U.S. Army. 1961, U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American families to build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in the event of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union. 1962, Robert Goulet began the role of Sir Lancelot in "Camelot". 1973, Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win back territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel war. Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo against many nations including the U.S. and Great Britain on October 17, 1973. The war lasted 2 weeks. 1979, Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit the White House. 1991, Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA. It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd. 2022 Do! smiled.