Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, August 29 Thank you, Nancy!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Man who fled police charged with attempted murder for shooting at officers in NJ  ___________________________________________________ Today, August 29 in 1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after eight days in space. ____________________________________________________ Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. --- Joey Adams "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." --- Mark Twain ____________________________________________________ A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right." ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at the umpire. No matter what happened on the field, she continuously yelled, "Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. Finally, another fan called out, "Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong!" "Hey," she yelled back, "How would you know? That's my husband, not yours!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Arthur Henry Disanto Jr., 41, Gloucester county, N.J., USA  Man who fled police charged with attempted murder for shooting at officers in NJ  A Delaware County man who fled police in Pennsylvania, stole a police vehicle and exchanged gunfire with officers in New Jersey, wounding one was charged Friday with attempted murder in the Gloucester County incident, prosecutors announced. Arthur Henry Disanto Jr., 41, was wanted in the July 3 shooting of a woman in Delaware County. Pennsylvania troopers attempted to stop a motorcycle driven by Disanto on Monday night in Marple, authorities said. He was later spotted by a plainclothes officer in Folcroft who was driving an unmarked police SUV. The officer caught up with the motorcycle in Philadelphia. Disanto lay the bike down and reached for a gun in his waistband as the officer got out of his vehicle, authorities said. The officer retreated behind the SUV, and Disanto got in and drove off, authorities said. The officer shot out the windows as Disanto left. Its unclear whether Disanto fired any shots then, and the officer was not injured. Authorities tracked the SUV to Deptford Township, New Jersey, but Disanto had already exited and taken SWAT gear that had been inside, including a bulletproof vest and helmet, authorities said. Disanto fled to Barnsboro Road, where he and an officer with the Monroe Township Police Department exchanged gunfire, authorities said. The officer was shot in the hand and ear. He then allegedly fired at an officer with the Deptford Township Police Department. Disanto was shot and wounded in the exchange of gunfire as well. He was transported to Cooper Medical Center, where he remains in critical but stable condition. His revolver was recovered, according to prosecutors. The Monroe Township officer who was shot, was treated and released from the hospital.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Elke Re: Telus taken over by Google? Dear Webby, Has Telus been taken over by Google and Telus evicted like the US from Afghanistan? They suddenly can't handle normal email anymore and force me to get a Gmail address and use Gmail instead. Is there any way around their sudden collapse? Elke  Dear Elke Yes, it sure looks like there was a very sudden take-over. If you used an address based on your own domain, then the Google take-over on Friday mid morning was as sudden as seeing your truck getting repossessed and towed away when you come out of a store. There was no warning. They simply stole your ability to send mail. Like Biden laughed about Afghanistan evicting the US, they just laughed and told everybody to go get a Gmail address. I don't know why or how Google took all the emails suddenly and without warning. For now you will have to get a Gmail address and use Gmail for sending email. You can still receive mail via your own domain, you just can't reply. Needless to say, a lot of people are extremely mad about the sudden take-over. The tech, who understood email, is gone too. The Taliban replacement is clueless and does not understand the difference between sending and receiving mail and says you should get a different web host. DUH! You need a different ISP to get around their gross incompetence! She does not understand that. While the business world is fuming and scrambling to find a solution, you will have to learn to use Gmail, and get a Gmail address for replying and sending mail. No more mail from elke@elkes-domain.com, and your hard earned reputation has been stolen on Friday morning. I have to do the same. You can still send mail to me at any @webby.com address, but my replies will be from a gmail address. I will most definitely be looking for an alternative, and announce it here the minute I find one. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is **I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month.** " "Granted. Next!" 
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 A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff already." ____________________________________________ Fortune cookie inserts: "Man who run in front of car get tired" "Man who run behind car get exhausted" "Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do" "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money." "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left." "Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!" "Man who sit on tack get point!" "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!" "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement" "If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient." The all-time favorite I ever got was this one, in the Shangri-La, a restaurant in Whitehorse in the 1970's. "Heed this advice" ____________________________________________ In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had painted underneath: "That would do them good" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, August 29, in 1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self- regulating wagon brake. 1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child labor laws. 1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave the island of Hong Kong to Britain. 1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's chef invented chop suey. 1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down the Champs Elysees in Paris. 1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was used for the first time to treat cancer patients. 1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened. 1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after eight days in space. 1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut airport. 1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil War, was retrieved by divers. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television interview, declared that America could not defeat Iraq. 1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail Gorbachev. 1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement to stay in the Soviet Union. 1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to Somalia to guard the shipments of food. 1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 1998 Northwest Airlines pilots went on strike after their union rejected a last-minute company offer. 2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 miles. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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