Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, April 1 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Today in April 1 in 1999, The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covers about 772,000 square miles. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Missing 12-year-old Arizona girl found safe in South Carolina, suspect arrested ___________________________________________________ Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ___________________________________________________ A company in Annapolis, MD, offers tours through the historic district of the town, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Dave, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Dave in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ____________________________________________________ Rina, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about her and her education, but then asked her, out of the blue, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rina replied. After she left, she double-checked it on her calculator (she *knew* she should have taken it to the interview!) and realized she wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, she got a letter that said she was hired for the job! She was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, she went in and asked why she got the job,even though she got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ When Columbus came to America, there were no taxes, no debts, and no pollution, no rush hour. The women did all the work, while the men sat around and smoked pipes, and went hunting or fishing whenever anybody mentioned cleaning up the yard or fixing the teepee. Ever since then, a bunch of do-gooders have been trying to "improve" the place. ____________________________________________________   Ed Stang Tundra Swans, High River, AB ___________________________________________________ But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. ____________________________________________________ On the last day of class, the professor wished the students luck as he wrote a phone number on the blackboard. "If any of you have difficulty understanding the review material, call this number," he said as he dismissed the class. On Saturday afternoon, stumped by one of the review problems, Don reached for the phone and heard a recorded message, from Dial-A-Prayer. _________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Timothy Schultheis,23, Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, USA  Missing 12-year-old Arizona girl found safe in South Carolina, suspect arrested  Authorities say a 12-year-old Arizona girl who has been missing for over a week after going for a walk has been found safe in South Carolina. Betty Taylor was last seen on March 20 at around 11 a.m. at Thunderbird Mobile Home Park, just south of Safford. Her father told deputies that Betty told him she was going for a walk, but never returned. Family members began to search for her at 6 p.m. that evening and eventually contacted authorities two hours later, the Graham County Sheriff's Office said. The sheriff's office said they learned Betty may have been with Timothy Schultheis, a 23-year-old South Carolina resident. On March 29, authorities located Schultheis in Hilton Head Island. "The Graham County Attorney's Office, based on the facts known at the time, issued an arrest warrant for Kidnapping and Custodial Interference which was entered in the NCIC system on the evening of March 29, 2022," the sheriff's office said in a news release. On Wednesday, the FBI and local law enforcement arrested Schultheis. He was found with Betty Taylor. "Betty Taylor's parents were notified, and arrangements are being made to unite Betty Taylor with her family," the sheriff's office added. Schultheis was booked into a South Carolina jail and is awaiting extradition to Arizona. "Its been scary, it really has," says Danny Taylor, Betty's uncle. "We are just thankful that its over or at least this chapter of it is over." He adds, "Its one thing to be found in Arizona, but 1,900 miles away that's scary how they could have made it that far. We dont know what shes been through. We haven't had a chance to talk to her yet, so we dont know what kind of state shes in. We have been told that shes in good spirits making people laugh." Danny says the family doesn't know Schultheis, but thinks they may have met on social media. Records show that Schultheis was out on bond for multiple sexual assault charges involving minors in 2020. "My advice to parents is, watch your childrens social media. Keep an eye on it. Its not the world that we grew up in anymore," her uncle said.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Nancy RE: Dihydrogen MonoOxide Dear Webby Some otherwise almost trutworthy friends warned me about Dihydrogen MonoOxide, and that every year hundreds of thousands people die from it, and that the artificial water in plastic bottles has lots of it in it. How serious is it? Nancy  Dear Nancy Dihydrogen monoxide: is also known as hydroxyl acid, and is the major component of acid rain. contributes to the "greenhouse effect." may cause severe burns. contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape. accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals. may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes. has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients. Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions! Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in Canada and America today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage in the midwest, and recently California. Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used: as an industrial solvent and coolant. in nuclear power plants. in the production of styrofoam. as a fire retardant. in many forms of cruel animal research. in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical. as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products. Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer! The Horror Must Be Stopped! The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation." In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi- billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use. There are many petitions to ban it's use, but so far nothing has been done about it. Here is one: Ban Dihydrogen MonoOxide Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ Driving home from the store one day, the father tuned the radio to a country and western station. "How can you stand that stuff?" complained his 16-year-old son. "It's all about lonesome cowboys, gunfights and broken hearts." The father countered with: "If all members of a band that plays Your style of music were playing the same song at the same time, what would they be singing about?" "They don't. If they did, it would just be boring country music!" 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
 If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _____________________________________________ Daffinition: Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons? The reason old firehalls have circular stairways is from the days when the fire engines were pulled by horses. They kept the horses from walking up the stairs and eating the firefighters lunches while they slept. You might be wondering why they called their vehicles "engines" if they were pulled by horses. The "engine" was the steam engine powered pump. Re horses walking up stairs, did you know that horses can walk DOWN stairs too, but cows won't ? If you decide that it might be a fun graduation prank to herd some cows upstairs to the admin or even the dean's level, they have to be sedated and CARRIED down the stairs. After that sometimes the admin staff too needs to be sedated. ______________________________________________ The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Jane got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, April 1, in 0527, Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 1572, The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland and captured the small town of Briel. 1621, The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with Native Americans. 1748, The ruins of Pompeii were found. 1778, Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$" symbol. 1789, The U.S. House of Representatives held its first full meeting in New York City. Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania was elected the first House Speaker. 1793, In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 1826, Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 1853, Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a regular salary. 1863, The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S. 1864, The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson by the Travelers Insurance Company. 1865, At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E. Lee began his final offensive. 1867, Blacks voted in the municipal election in Tuscumbia, AL. 1867, The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 1867, Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 1873, The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia killing 547. 1881, Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 1881, Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 1889, The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 1891, The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 1891, The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 1905, The British East African Protectorate became the colony of Kenya. 1905, Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 1918, England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air Force. 1924, Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 1924, Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 1927, The first automatic record changer was introduced by His Master's Voice. 1928, China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 1929, Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 1930, Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles, CA. 1931, An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 1931, Jackie Mitchell became the first female in professional baseball when she signed with the Chattanooga Baseball Club. 1933, Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish businesses. 1935, The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 1937, Aden became a British colony. 1938, The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were introduced. 1938, The Baseball Hall of Fame opened in Cooperstown, NY. 1939, The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of Spanish civil war. 1941, The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio station began on W71NY in New York City. 1945, U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the last campaign of World War II. 1946, Weight Watchers was formed. 1946, A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more than 170 people. 1948, The Berlin Airlift began. 1949, "Happy Pappy" premiered. It was the first all-black- cast variety show. 1950, Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under Italian administration. 1952, The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 1954, The U.S. Air Force Academy was formed in Colorado. 1960, France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 1960, The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 1963, Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 1963, The Soap operas "General Hospital" and "Doctors" premiered on television. 1970, The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai massacre. 1970, U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be effective on January 1, 1971. 1971, The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 1972, North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive in South Vietnam. 1973, Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 1976, Apple Computer began operations. 1979, Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini after they kicked out the Shah. 1980, A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice- premier Tariq Aziz occurred. 1982, The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 1983, New York Islander Mike Bossy became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 60 goals in 3 consecutive seasons. 1985, World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 1986, The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish Sea. 1987, Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 1987, U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 1991, Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5 years. 1991, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred from serving due to their race. 1991, The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 1992, Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the National Hockey League (NHL). 1999, In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the killings occurred in a 6-month period. 1999, The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covered about 772,000 square miles. 2001, China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April 11, 2001. 2001, Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his Belgrade villa. 2003, North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast. 2003, Jason Mewes was ordered to complete drug rehabilitation or face five years in jail stemming from a drug conviction in 1999. 2004, U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an assault on a pregnant woman. 2004, Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188 stores on April 9. 2009, Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 2010, The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by 21%. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!