| Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 20 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 20 in 1969, Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Two charged with drug trafficking in South Carolina after cocaine falls out of fake pregnant belly ___________________________________________________ Q Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. --- Laurens Van der Post I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling. 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients . Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "Hurrah". 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. 11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper. 12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. ___________________________________________________ A hillbilly came into town and started walking down the street. His coonskin cap attracted a lot of attention and young folk gathered about him, gaping and giggling. He paid no attention until some smart alec said, "Tell me, do they have many fools back in the hills?" The visitor shrugged, "Well, we come across one every once in a while. But they don't run around in herds, like they do here in town." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Samuel's mother once gave him two sweaters for Chanukah. The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one. As hee entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Donny Re: Edge needed on W10 Dear Webby Hi all, Thought I'd inform you of an experience I had this week. If you are using Windows 10; DO NOT DELETE Microsoft Edge !!!! I did and could not get on the internet, in my email or access my external hard drives !!!!! As soon as I re-installed 'Edge' everything was fine again. I prefer Google but you must have 'Edge' installed in order to do anything !!!! Must be a new "thing" with Microsoft (Windows 10). Just thought you should all be aware of this !!! Donny Dear Donny Yes, if you get rid of both Edge and Internet Exploder, and don't have a default browser like Chrome set up, then you are in trouble. That is not really a new thing. Without a default browser, you are up sh*t clreek without a paddle. However, even if you have Chrome or FireFox as the default browser, Microsoft still plays stupid when you try to hit a link in email. Better to keep Edge on the machine somewhere. Microsoft owns you. You got to play by their rules. You don't really have to actually USE Edge, but they demand that it is on the machine somewhere. Have Fun! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Not everybody hates you. Lots of people don't even know you yet." ___________________________________________________ FATHER: "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this envelope. tell her that since you are now 18 this is the LAST check she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression her face." DAUGHTER: "OK" ....Later.... DAUGHTER: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18 this is the LAST child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face." MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father. Then, stand back and watch the expression on HIS face." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 20, in 1801, A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White House. 1810, Colombia declared independence from Spain. 1859, Brooklyn and New York played baseball at Fashion Park Race Course on Long Island, NY. The game marked the first time that admission had been charged for to see a ball game. It cost $.50 to get in and the players on the field did not receive a salary (until 1863). 1861, The Congress of the Confederate States began holding sessions in Richmond, VA. 1868, Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all cigarette packs was passed. 1871, British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881, Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops. in Montana. 1917, The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 1935, NBC radio debuted "G-men." The show was later renamed "Gangbusters." 1942, The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 1944, An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 1944, U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. 1947, The National Football League (NFL) ruled that no professional team could sign a player who had college eligibility remaining. 1961, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 1969, Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 1974, Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 1976, America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing on Mars. 1982, U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 1985, Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 1992, Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 1998, Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 2003, In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work. 2023, Do smiled.
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