Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, October 19 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out of jail in wacky escape. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Oct 19 in 1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. See More of what happened on this day in history. I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the aged president of the company was out of town, half a dozen of his senior executives got together to plan some way to ease the old coot out of the driver's seat. To their horror, the executive VP's secretary buzzed him halfway through the meeting to inform him that the president had come back early and was on his way to see him. "If he catches us all here he'll know exactly what we're up to," cried the VP. "Quick, you five jump out the window!" "But we're on the thirteenth floor," protested the treasurer. "Jump!" yelled the VP. "This is no time for superstition!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bob made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Peanut brain gang Walker County Jail Alabama 12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out of jail in wacky escape. 11 of 12 got caught the same day, the 12th on the next day 800 Miles away. Twelve inmates at Walker County Jail in Alabama used peanut butter to fool a newbie prison guard so they could escape on Sunday, AL.com reported. But authorities hunted them down quickly. 11 were in custody the same evening. Spreading the sticky lunch favorite, the men covered a number on a door to the outside. The new guard in the control room thought he was unlocking a cell door remotely for inmates who yelled to him to open up. But really, the guard was leading them on the way to freedom, Sheriff James Underwood told CNN. The inmates then used blankets to climb a 12-foot fence topped with razor wire. Changing numbers on doors with peanut butter ? It may sound crazy, but these kinds of people are crazy like a fox, Underwood said at a news conference. Bradley Andrew Kilpatrick, 24, who was jailed on drug charges, was the only inmate still free as of Monday night, according to the New York Daily News. He was caught Tuesday after his sister and her fiancee had driven him to Florida. Now they are jailed too. Escapes happen, Underwood said, per AP. We've got some evil people down here, and they scheme all the time to con us and our employees at the jail. You've got to stay on your toes. This is one time we slipped up. I'm not going to make any excuses. Jail breaks are serioous felonies, skipping to a different state makes it an interstate crime. By the time that 12th guy gets out into sunshine again, dope will have gone out of fashion. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Disable Firewall? Dear Webby, I have had Norton/Symantic Anti Virus, internet security and a firewall installed on my pc when I bought it 3 months ago. Out of the blue, I could not send and receive e mails, so I called Road Runner Tech Support. The tech made me disable the firewall. Now I can get e mails, but have no firewall. Should I just keep the firewall disabled???? Thanks, Ann S Dear Ann NO! Do NOT disable your firewall! What a MORON! Firewalls are not sold to be disabled. They are sold to protect you. I have not recommended Norton since 2000, but even Norton's firewall is better than no firewall at all. I would suggest getting MalwareBytes or McAfee. If that is not in the budget right now, enable the built in Microsoft firewall. It works, and it is free. Contact support at the maker of your computer and get them to step you through enabling the Microsoft firewall. Dont delay that! Do it now! Have FUN! DearWebby A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Return Policies Before purchasing something from a store, make sure you know and understand their return policies, and how they apply to what you are buying. Most stores have restocking fees for opened items and some items like software cannot be returned if opened. Also, some stores only accept returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Some, like Walmart, want you to send warranty items to the manufacturer. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this story: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at AOL on the Help Desk. __________________________________________________ | | Real world fairy-tale landscapes. |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Teresa for this story: A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." ___________________________________________________ Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race. Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did in the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew all his money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest. He demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost all my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Baptists...you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and Last Rites. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
From Connie R I'm sure you've heard from the news that 100 years ago a magnitude 7.8 earthquake struck San Francisco. BUT did you know what else happened in California approximately 100 years ago????? 1. California became a State. 2. The State had no electricity. 3. The State had no money. 4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. 5. There were gun fights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California today, except the women didn't have earthquake proof breasts and men didn't hold hands. ____________________________________________________ | Today, October 19, in 1765 In the U.S., The Stamp Act Congress met and drew up a declaration of rights and liberties. 1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It was to be the last major battle of the American Revolutionary War. 1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat out of Russia after a month of chasing the fleeing Russian army. 1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used to pick up mail in Washington, DC. 1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts of Mexico except where Carranza was in control. 1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by the Berlin Organization Committee. 1937 "Woman's Day" was published for the first time. 1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R., Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims and cooperation between the nations. 1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be allowed into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service (WAVES). 1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean capital of Pyongyang. 1951 U.S. President Truman signed an act officially ending the state of war with Germany. 1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain food products. 1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti- Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City. 1984 Four U.S. employees of the CIA were killed in El Salvador when their plane crashed. 1987 The Dow Jones industrial average dropped 508 points. It was the worst one-day percentage decline, 22.6%, in history. 1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of Pakistan. 1998 In Washington, DC, Microsoft went on trial to defend against an antitrust case. 1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing license back after he had lost it for biting Evander Holyfield's ear during a fight. 2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44 days. Blaine had entered the box on September 5. 2009 The international version of Amazon's Kindle 2 was released. 2017 Do smiled. |
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