Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 23 Thank you, Amy! Thank you, Donnie !! Thank you, Clyde !!! _____________________________________________________ Today, May 23 in 1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the Reformation were thrown through a window. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Birthday Girl starts slashing over no cake, gift, card  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Mia During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps. One tap meant, "Give me a kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seven taps meant "No," and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Georgia Zowacki, 55, Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania  Birthday Girl starts slashing over no cake, gift, card  
 A Pennsylvania woman who turned 55 Wednesday assaulted a male acquaintance with a box cutter because she had not received a present, card, or cake to mark the occasion, according to court papers. Cops say that Georgia Zowacki was celebrating her May 15 birthday when matters turned stabby at her Pittsburgh-area residence. As reported in a probable cause affidavit, David Rae, with whom Zowacki has lived for four months, told police that Zowacki consumed a large amount of vodka throughout the day. Rae, 59, added that Zowacki eventually became extremely upset and violent because nobody bought her a birthday present, birthday card or birthday cake. Incensed, Zowacki allegedly grabbed a box cutter knife and held it near Rae's throat threatening to kill him. Rae told police that he shoved Zowacki away, but that she came back at him waving the box cutter. Rae, the affidavit notes, suffered several cuts on his left arm during the altercation. Rae told police that Zowacki then trashed his room, thowing his TV on the floor, tipping over a nightstand, and breaking his bed. A patrolman responding to a 3 PM call about a physical domestic dispute located Zowacki sitting on a neighbor's porch. Seen above, she was arrested for aggravated assault, a felony, and reckless endangerment, making terroristic threats, and simple assault, all misdemeanors. Zowacki is being held in the Westmoreland County Prison in lieu of $25,000 bail. According to court records, Zowacki's rap sheet includes convictions for disorderly conduct; drunk driving; harassment; assault; making terroristic threats; and public drunkenness.   From: Glenn Re: PayPal  Dear Webby, this came in, and I have had no busineess with PayPal. It did not have my email address or my name, just the name of the buyer as John Angel, and my name in Glenn Dix. Any suggestions? I tried the link, and it said the page could not be displayed. Thank you for any help. -------------------------------------------------- From: support@PayPal.Inc.com Subject: Dispute Transaction Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:44:14 +0300 .......  Dear Glenn That is a typical scam. Hover, don't click over the dispute transaction link. You will see in the status line that it actually goes to some number domain. Luckily somebody had already reported the same stuff to spoof@paypal.com and PayPal did the digital equivalent of nuking that site. That is why you got a "Page not found" instead of a trojan invasion. Just dump it and next time, don't click on anything suspicious! Hover the mouse over links and watch the status line, but don't click! Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Thanks to Gloria for bringing back this classic: With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65- year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!' 
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 The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized. "It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Appliances Always try to save up for large appliance purchases rather than putting them on a credit card. High interest credit cards can result in paying double for the appliances if you don't pay them off aggressively. Also, be sure to check the local want ads for used appliances. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
 Giant murals on the ground and rooftops. 
 ___________________________________________________ "Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce." ___________________________________________________ A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. "Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope." "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope," the farmer replied. "How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope." Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said. "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I'm not lost." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 The wealthy wife of a very successful Jewish businessman went to the portrait artist for her first sitting. The portrait, a gift for her husband. She explained to the artist what she wanted: "You should paint me like I am. These little wrinkles, you put them on your canvas. The lines under my eyes, the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the mole on my cheek, they all stay... BUT on my hands you put lots of rings with big diamonds and emeralds and bright jewels. Around my neck you put chains of gold and diamonds. Do you understand?" The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she should want such detail of real life in her physical appearance, but adorn herself with the phony jewelry. She replied: "I am not well. When I die my husband will re- marry. The new wife, go crazy she should, looking for the jewels." ___________________________________________________  
 Today May 23 in 1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. She was then sold to the English. 1533 Henry VIII's marriage to Catherine of Aragon was declared null and void. 1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of the Reformation were thrown through a window. 1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after being convicted of murder and piracy. 1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had invented bifocals. 1788 South Carolina became the eighth state to ratify U.S. Constitution. 1827 The first nursery school in the U.S. was established in New York City. 1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established. The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian Mounted Police in 1920. 1879 The first U.S. veterinary school was established by Iowa State University. 1900 Civil War hero Sgt. William H. Carney became the first African American to receive the Medal of Honor, 37 years after the Battle of Fort Wagner. 1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo. 1915 During World War I, Italy joined the Allies as they declared war on Austria-Hungary. 1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital. 1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 1937 Industrialist John D. Rockefeller died. 1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the Allied forces. 1949 The Republic of West Germany was established. 1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann in Argentina. 1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the Central Bank and took 200 hostages. 1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union. 1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City was demolished. 1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern Ireland approved a peace accord. 1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 2013 Google acquired Makani Power for use for its Project Wing. 2016 U.S. President Obama announced that the United States would end its ban of lethal military equipment sales to Vietnam. The restrictions had been in place since the end of the Vietnam War. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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