Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, April 23 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: California man arrested after swiping beer truck Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 23 in 1348 - The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half- wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. --- Neil Gaiman _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ruth for this: Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a 'Bama Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Gary's yard gets a bit muddy in spring. _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Matt Hermsmeyer, 46, Santa Rosa, California  California man arrested after swiping beer truck  A homeless man dressed only in American flag shorts was arrested Thursday after allegedly stealing a truck full of beer and leading police on a highway chase, authorities in Northern California say. Police later identified the suspect as Matt Hermsmeyer, 46. He was charged with suspicion of vehicle theft, possession of stolen property, priors for auto theft, resisting arrest and violation of his probation. A Coors truck driver was making a delivery at a Santa Rosa liquor store when a customer entered the store and told the driver that a man had climbed into his parked truck and driven away, a police report said. The customer described the suspect as an apparent homeless man dressed only in red, white and blue shorts. A GPS system inside the truck, like in every beer and cigarette truck, gave police the suspect's location according to the report. Santa Rosa police officers, including a K-9 officer and his partner, and a Henry-1 helicopter unit from the Sonoma County Sheriff's Department were dispatched to the scene where witnesses reported seeing the suspect on foot after having apparently abandoned the truck. Video captured by Fox 2 in the San Francisco Bay Area showed the suspect running across Highway 101 in Santa Rosa, jumping the divider and fleeing into brush along the road, his star-spangled shorts still waving. The suspect was caught within an hour of the truck's theft as he hid in the bushes, the report said. Apparently he was not interested in the beer, just wanted to add "stealing a beer truck" to his long resume.   Tech Support Pits From: Sandie Re: Dumping restore points  Dear Webby, Should I do this suggestion below, a lady I know sent this and said doing this may help clear up some space???? Sandie  Dear Sandie How to free up disk space by removing old restore points. Click start, all programs, accessories, system tools, clean up. The clean up wizard appears and scans the drive on which windows is installed (usually C ). After it scans click OK then "More options" "Remove restore points". Wizard asks if you want to remove all but the last restore point, if so click OK. Then confirm OK. IF and when you are running out of space, then you may want to think about that. Until then, don't worry about it. The restore points are just text and don't amount to beans. If you need space, first go after duplicates of 5MB or bigger movies. Dumping big stuff makes a much bigger difference. Have FUN DearWebby    A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!" 
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 Sam came home one day to find that Anni, his wife, had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for Anni with no success. Two days after Anni disappeared, Sam returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't been home for so long. Anni replied: "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week." Sam answered: "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?" "I only snuck out to get us something to eat." 
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 Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. "She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The patient damn near exploded!" Suddenly they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. "Omigod!" said the first doctor, "I just told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Fighting mildew? Bleach and water! Just put it in a spray bottle. We recently had a severe mildew problem on all of our walls and windows. A spray bottle with a little bit of bleach and lots of water did the trick and got in those tough corners too. By Mara  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family: "To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my dumb cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong: Hi Dan!"  
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 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this: If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs into next week. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them into the next county. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup..... I wanna be a bear. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 23 in 1348 - The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter. 1500 - Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 1521 - The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 1635 - The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was the first public school building in the United States. 1759 - The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the Antilies from France. 1789 - U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin House, New York. It was the first executive mansion. 1789 - "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time. It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 1826 - Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 1861 - Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 1872 - Charlotte E. Ray became first the African-American woman lawyer. 1895 - Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the Liaodong peninsula to China. 1896 - The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was demonstrated in New York City. 1900 - The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie". 1908 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act creating the U.S. Army Reserve. 1915 - The A.C.A. became the National Advisory Council on Aeronautics (NACA). 1920 - The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first meeting in Ankara. 1924 - The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 1945 - The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin after the USA had bombed it back to the stone age.. 1950 - Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao and the communists. 1951 - The Associated Press began use of the new service of teletype setting. 1967 - The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 1971 - The Soyuz 10 was launched. 1981 - The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 1982 - The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that consumer prices declined the previous month (March). It was the first decline in almost 17 years. 1985 - The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 99- year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version. 1988 - A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on flights that were under two hours. 1988 - In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 1988 - Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 1996 - An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale brought in 34.5 million pounds. 1997 - An infertility doctor in California announced that a 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to give birth. 2003 - U.S. President George W. Bush signed legislation that authorized the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for release in 2004. It was the first change to the coin in 65 years. The change, to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase, was planned to run for only two years before returning to the previous design. 2004 - U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up weapons of mass destruction. He turned over all his US made poison gas weapons to the CIA in exchange for Condalezza Rice's promise of friendly relations. He also paid all fines related to Lockerbie, and promised to crack down on Al Quaida. However, England wanted the 60-odd Billion pounds he had banked in England, so they used his crack-down on poor innocent Al Quaida terrorists as an excuse to test their missiles on him. 2005 - The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 2009 - The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications downloaded. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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