Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, December 30 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Texas lawyer got date so drunk, that she ruined $300 K worth of his art collection  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 30 in 1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.  See More of what happened on this day in history.
 ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 ______________________________________________________ Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable. --- Trey Parker and Matt Stone ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121." Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't understand." "Oh, nohtin , Senor," the new page said. "I jus donnow how to dial ta capital four!" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this: My mother-in-law says that she can not understand how the lackluster, low mentality, loser that her daughter had the misfortune to marry could have produced such smart, intelligent, beautiful, and wonderful grandchildren. She is inclined to believe that genetics skips every other generation. Therefore she is not holding out much hope for her great-grandchildren. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   ____________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 _____________________________________________________ A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive. "Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?", she asked. "Because I pssed in his ear and it didn't move," said the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'pssst' and he didn't move." _____________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, the stone carver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Lindy Lou Layman, 29, Dallas, Texas  Texas lawyer got date so drunk, that she ruined $300 K worth of his art collection  Authorities say an intoxicated Dallas woman who was on a first date with a prominent Houston trial lawyer, caused at least $300,000 in damage to his art collection, including two Andy Warhol paintings. Lindy Lou Layman, 29, was arrested Saturday on criminal mischief charges after her date with Anthony Buzbee. She was released on $30,000 bond. Online court records don't list an attorney for her. Prosecutors say Buzbee, 49, told investigators that Layman got too intoxicated on their date, so he called her an Uber after they returned to his home. Buzbee said Layman refused to leave and hid inside the home, and that when he found her and called a second Uber, she got aggressive. Authorities said she tore down several paintings and poured red wine on some while yelling obscenities. She also allegedly threw two $20,000 sculptures across the room and shattered them. The damaged Warhol paintings were each valued at $500,000 in court documents. Buzbee has represented high-profile figures, including former Texas Gov. Rick Perry in an abuse-of-power case. Then- candidate Donald Trump also visited his home last year when Buzbee held a fundraiser and donated $250,000 to Trump's presidential campaign.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Allison Re: Darken picture setting Dear Webby, is there an easy way to darken an evening landscape with a digital camera like you would on a film camera by chosing a higher f-stop number? And still leave everything else set the same? Thanks Allison  Dear Allison Yes, sure there is! Just flip open the flash. Even though the camera's computer knows that flash won't have any effect on distant landscapes or clouds, a good camera takes the hint and shortens the exposure time a bit. The result is the same as if you had closed the iris by one or two f-stops. Another trick is to change the setting from night to day. Not all, but many cameras take the hint. Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  From Chuck W Speaking of Jackie, his two sons, Aaron and Ty, spent the night with me last week. Aaron always writes me a story when here, and Ty-Ty likes for me to scan and print cartoon pages he can color. I always give them folders to put their work in. When they got home, Marijane was unpacking their bag and said she nearly fainted. Ty-Ty had two folders -- one was clearly marked "fineshit" and the other "unfineshit." She said she called him in and shrieked, "What is this -- what IS this!?" Ty-Ty looked at her, clearly puzzled. "That one," he said, pointing to the first one, is "finished," and that one is "unfinished." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered. "All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover cereal for casseroles use leftover or stale cereal as a casserole topper. Just crumble it up and use in place of or in addition to crackers. Not all types of cereal work well for this. For example, fruit loops (or other sweetened cereal) probably wouldn't work well as a casserole topper, but cheerios and corn flakes can taste fantastic. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font>  ____________________________________________________  A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."  
 
Removing 200 years of varnish from a painting. 
 The farmer took pity on a young passerby and agreed to hire him for a day. His first assignment was to paint the barn, which he did, including the tail of the donkey that poked through knot hole in the barn. The farmer was furious, but promised to give the boy another chance. This time he told him to string barb wire around the farm land, which he did, but when the rooster wouldn't stay out of the way he nailed him by accident to the fence post. The farmer this time was more furious that the last time, but again promised to give the boy one last chance. This time he told him to mow the yard, which he did, but the grass was so high he didn't see the cat hiding in the grass, and he ran the poor kitty over, hurting him badly. The farmer got so furious this time he called the sheriff. When the sheriff arrived, he asked the farmer why he wanted be boy arrested. "Well Officer," the farmer replied, "First he painted my ass red, Next he nailed my cock to the fence and finally, he ran over my wife's pussy with a lawn mower!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, December 30, in 1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the Lancastrians. 1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger became its first president. 1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays was handed to the home secretary. 1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar student. 1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. 1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic systems. 1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan. 1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in Ethiopia. 1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena. 1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne. 1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic play that ran for 1,077 performances. 1954 James Arness made his dramatic TV debut in "The Chase". The "Gunsmoke" series didn't begin for Arness until the fall of 1955. 1961 Jack Nicklaus lost his first attempt at pro golf to Gary Player in an exhibition match in Miami, FL. 1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam. 1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they reunited several years later. 1980 "The Wonderful World of Disney" was cancelled by NBC after more than 25 years on the TV. It was the longest- running series in prime-time television history. 1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations. 1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were killed and dozens were seriously injured. 1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by Prime Minister Netanyahu. 1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency. 2017 Do smiled. 
 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog