Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, June 9 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman passed out in running Jeep  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 8 in 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) My favorite animal is steak. --- Fran Lebowitz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Alf My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! An they want money!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  DUH? Abby Hart, 33, St. Johns Florida  St. Johns County woman passed out in running Jeep A St. Johns woman was found passed out in a Jeep -- with the windows up and her foot on the brake, a St. Johns County Sheriff's report said. Abby Hart, 33, was charged with DUI shortly after being found around noon on Tuesday. The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office received a report that a 2016 Jeep Laredo was driving erratically on Valley Ridge Parkway near Nocatee. Hart's Jeep was followed by a deputy and later found sitting in the left turn lane on U.S. 1 to Race Track Road. The Jeep had not moved despite several green lights, the report said. Deputies said they were forced to wedge a patrol car in front of the Jeep to prevent Hart from waking up and possibly causing a crash by driving off. Hart did wake up, deputies said, and her Jeep moved forward and struck a patrol car. Hart had a Sutter Home Pinot Grigio wine bottle between her legs, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said, and several empty bottles in the front seat. When Hart was asked where she was going, she said she was going home and that the police needed to let her go, the report said. She also attempted to go back to sleep while in the car, police said. Hart refused to perform field sobriety tests and refused to take a breath test, police said. Hart was held overnight in the St. Johns County Jail and was released early Wednesday on $1,000 bail.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Janina Re: Forwards Dear Webby, I imagine you get this question now and then but I would like to ask you anyway.... those silly "forwards" we get that say ..... This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch. ... Janina  Dear Janina Those are all just gullibility traps for collecting addresses to spam to. If somebody is silly enough to forward stuff like that, chances are good that all kinds of snake oil can be sold to them. The only chain letter that does not get you onto a spam list is this one: Safe Chain http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby    Daffinitions: 1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. 12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and can not be cast out. 18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Peppers in Containers  By Duane De Vries [1 Post, 59 Comments] I'm in West Michigan, zone 5 I think. I have very good success using what is referred to as Self Watering Containers. I use 5 gallon food grade plastic buckets that I get from a pizza shop. If you are not familiar with Self Watering Containers they are a container with a false bottom about 3 inches or so from the real bottom. Cut an opening in this false bottom and fasten a plastic jar that has holes int it. When you fill the container with your potting soil, fill this first, then the rest of the container. This will act as a wick to draw up water. I put a length of tubing (hose or whatever) through the false bottom so it extends out the top for easy access. Drill an overflow hole in the bucket about a half inch or so below the false bottom. Then when adding water through the tube, if you add too much, it will drain out. This method allows the plants to draw water as needed. I have successfully grown regular tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, a variety of peppers (green bell, hot peppers) in these. They are spread about on my deck as my arthritis prevents me from the old style of garden. I'm very pleased with the results.   ____________________________________________________ 

Lullabye to an elephant

John had given Judi one of those new fangled electric coffee makers for an anniversary present. Within a week she was taking it back to the store. The lady at the return counter asked her if it worked. "Oh sure, it makes a great cup of coffee. Just like the booklet said, I plug it in, set the timer, go on to bed, and, when I get up, the coffee's ready!" "So, ma'am, what's wrong with it?" "I don't want to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee." ___________________________________________________

Seven materials that may change our lives forever.

One cold and rainy day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!" She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it." Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor. The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne, who used to have a trucking company, for this story: Truck driving in 1962 Back about 1962 when I had just started driving tank trucks, me and my instructor each drove separate trucks. One night as we were returning to our delivery area, we were hauling road oil, we stopped for coffee at an old truck stop along old route 66 in south central Illinois. As we drank our coffee outside the restaurant, two guys came along with a large male raccoon. My instructor asked what they were going to with it and they said "we don't know" My buddy asked them:"Do you want to see something funny?" They said sure, so my buddy gets an old gym bag out of his truck, dumps his stuff out of it, borrows a pair of gloves and stuffs that mad raccoon into the bag and zips it shut. The next move was to take the bag set it alongside the main highway and run back to the station parking lot. Just as planned, an old turquoise Plaza Plymouth screeches to a stop, a long arm reaches out and snags the bag. Off they go with a cloud of blue smoke following them. About the time the car gets to sixty, more blue smoke from sliding tires, the doors fly open and everybody bails out and they are looking back. Pretty soon that nasty raccoon comes ambling out of the car, and everybody in the parking lot is on the ground laughing. Well worth the loss of an old gym bag.

 Today, on June 9, in 1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile. 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence. 1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It was the first American book to be copyrighted. 1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first published "dime novel." 1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft design. 1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS George Washington, was launched. 1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the Mormon priesthood. 1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two months. 1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a border-enforcement team. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out over 10 years. 2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable Player. 2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 2017 Do smiled.

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