Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 26 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk Texan woman bit off, swallowed chunk of victim's nose Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 26 in 1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Too klutzy for eating candy A Michigan woman is claiming that a Mars candy turned into locked her jaw, and now she's suing Mars. Victoria McArthur said she locked her jaw while eating Starburst candies. She said a piece of the candy caused her top and bottom teeth to stick together, resulting in a condition called "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction." McArthur is demanding $25,000 from the Mars Corp. to pay for her rehabilitation, plus compensation for her pain and suffering. She may have difficulty proving in court that she locked her jaw because of eating a Mars candy, and not because of trying to say "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction" while eating another brand of candy. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art, a Viet Nam Vet. That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" The vet replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it when I came in late." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jessica Collins, 41, Spring, Houston, Texas  Drunk Texan woman bit off, swallowed chunk of victim's nose  A Texan woman is facing an assault charge after allegedly biting off and swallowing a large chunk of the nose of a female victim, according to investigators. Jessica Collins, 41, was arrested Thursday for the bloody attack in Spring, a Houston suburb. Collins, seen at right, was released from custody after posting $1000 bond on the misdemeanor charge. She is scheduled for a July 19 court appearance. Collins, who lives in Conroe, another Houston suburb, was staying with a female neighbor of the 28-year-old victim. After spending Wednesday evening at a local bar, the three women returned to the victims home, where Collins--seeking to keep the party going--asked her host for booze and cigarettes. Instead, the victim asked Collins to leave her residence, a request that allegedly prompted Collins to attack the woman. After yanking the victim to the floor by her hair, Collins allegedly bit off a large piece from the bridge of the womans nose. The woman, who needs emergency plastic surgery, told KTRK that she tried to fight off Collins, but I couldn't. All I could remember was the taste of blood in my mouth. She also recalled calling her husband while in an ambulance: I was screaming, like, I don't have a nose. Im 28 years old and I don't have a nose anymore. A court filing accuses Collins of intentionally causing bodily injury to the victim by biting Complainant with her mouth. As a condition of her bond, Collins, a divorced mother of three, has been ordered to have no contact with the victim. According to her Facebook page, Collins works at Michaels, the arts and crafts chain, and has studied therapeutic massage. A friend of the victim has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise $12,000 to cover medical costs. Because of the missing piece was never recovered, my friend now needs reconstructive plastic surgery, notes the solicitation, which adds that the victim was assaulted by a mentally unstable person who lunged at my friend, biting off her nose and swallowing it. 
  Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Slow Eudora  Dear Webby I did everything that you suggested. There is a bit of an improvement, but Eudora still hangs. The only way that I know around this annoyance is to delete the program through "task master" then restart it. Also programs still are slow to open. For example, PowerChute, my battery backup program takes 23 seconds to open. Then it takes 10 seconds to close it. Do you have any other suggestions to improve the performance of my old W 7 machine, other than formatting the HD and starting over? Thanks again. Bill  Dear Bill In Eudora, move all mail except July from the INBOX to a new box that you name, for example PRE-JULY-18 Same thing with the OUT box. Dump the trash Look for where the attachments go. Same thing, move most of them to a new box with a different name. Look for where the EMBEDDED files go. You might have a gazillion Incredimail butterflies and crap. Browse that file with PSP or your favorite graphics program. Sort them by size. 99% of the small crap IS crap. You might be able to tag 10,000 of them and dump them. Just keep the real keepers. Dump the trash again. IN, OUT, EMBEDDED, ATTACHMENTS and TRASH should be as lean as possible. Then Eudora will be fast. You might also want to do some drastic weeding out with your backup. Back up onto a 16 or 32 GB camera chip, then dump the backup on the machine. If it has to check a Gazillion files if they are older or newer, that takes time. The backup program probably does not delete 10 year old files, that are long obsolete. Dump it, and then do a fresh backup. ------------------- Bill wrote back to tell me that Eudora does not hang anymore, and is fast now. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!" 
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 I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Celery From Kitchen Scraps By Judy [472 Posts, 9,363 Comments] When you are finished with the bunch of celery, put it in a glass of water to root. Then put it in a pot with potting soil. When it gets bigger plant in the ground. Water it regularly and you will have celery.   Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
 Japanese mini-truck garden contest and they are awesome.
 ___________________________________________________ The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "If nobody ain't got no crayons, then what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't not got?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Thanks to Kati for this story: A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his Mom is baking. He puts his Hand in the flour and then wipes it all over his face."Mamacita, look, I'm a white boy." His Mom slaps his face and says, "Go show your Father." He goes to his Dad in the living room and says, "Look Papacita, I'm a white boy." His Dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show you Grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his Mother. His mother says, "What did you learn from that?" The boy replies: "I have only been white for five minutes and already I don't like you Mexicans!" ____________________________________________________  
 Today, July 26 in 1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General was Benjamin Franklin. 1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in Chicago, IL. 1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-propelled ship. 1908 U.S. Attorney General Charles J. Bonaparte issued an order that created an investigative agency that was a forerunner of the FBI. 1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and federal employment. 1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup led by Gamal Abdel Nasser. 1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later. 1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser confiscated and nationalized the Suez Canal. 1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they were forming a joint venture to combine international operations and develop a new Internet system. 1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on display at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on sale later in 1999. 2016 Hillary Clinton became the first woman to top a majority party ticket for President of the United States 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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