Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, May 11 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: One of the worlds dumbest criminals caught stealing from Iniana sheriff, while on video. Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 11 in 0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. Marilyn Manson (1969 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Fannie: My friend was always teasing me about cybersex and trying o lead me on. One day he wrote me a really racy letter so I decided to "call his bluff". Forgetting I'd deleted his letter out of habit, I accidentally responded to my Recipe Du Jour list instead and wrote: "Thanks a lot. Now I can't get any work done. My panties are wet from the anticipation of your next email." A gentleman wrote back: "Sorry, I didn't realize my salsa had such an effect." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Mary While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to mine." And I held out my hand to show her. Each ring had three birthstones. "You have three children too?" I asked. "Well, no," the woman replied. "When my daughter picked this out for me, she liked the rings with three settings the best. So I have a birthstone for two daughters, and this one," she said while pointing to the center gem, "is for the dog!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jack Steele Jr., 38, Rising Sun, Indiana  One of the worlds dumbest criminals caught stealing from Iniana sheriff, while on video.  A man is facing multiple felony charges after he was caught trying to steal from the Ohio County Indiana Sheriffs Office. Deputies say surveillance video shows Jack Steele Jr., 38, breaking into the building around 6:40am. He rummaged around the office for nine minutes, stealing a jump pack starter for vehicle batteries, a digital camera, a flashlight and several other items. Steele had been brought to another area of the sheriffs office building after an DWI investigation. He had been told to wait in the foyer for a ride. When his ride arrived, Steele was seen trying to wipe his fingerprints off of the counters before leaving. This has to rank up there as one of the worlds dumbest criminals, Sheriff Glen Potts stated. If anyone from the show Worlds Dumbest is watching and needs a video for the criminals episode, I would be more than happy to provide one for them.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Garry Re: Excel Clipboard nuisance Dear Webby How do I stop Excel from showing that nuisance history of stuff I have copied before? When copying a whole bunch of cells to new places, that's really a nuisance. Garry  Dear Garry Open the Options in the clipboard and uncheck every item in there, then hit the X in the top right hand corner to close it. No more silly clipboard history taking up valuable screen space. Have FUN! DearWebby    The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look !" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 240 in 4 seconds or less." "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. He is in intensive care now. 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Blackberry Coconut Pops By Judy Pariser S. [283 Posts, 2,514 Comments] Total Time: 5 minutes, plus 5 hours refrigerating and freezing time. Yield: 6 pops Source: July/August 2014 Shape magazine Ingredients: 14 oz can unsweetened coconut milk 1/4 cup agave syrup 1/8 tsp sea salt zest of 1/2 lemon (I used dried orange peel and it worked out well) 1/3 cup blackberries, raspberries or blueberries (I used blueberries) Steps: In a bowl, stir the coconut milk, agave syrup, salt and zest. Then stir in the fruit. Refrigerate for AT LEAST an hour to prevent crystals from forming. Put into Popsicle molds and freeze (about 4 hours).   

No parachute sky dive

>From Fran: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein- Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now." ___________________________________________________

Beautiful hand carved wooden bowls.

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News

"I had the strangest dream last night," Morris was telling his psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. As you can imagine, I found this very disturbing. In fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream." The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"

 Today, on May 11 0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. 1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor. 1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay. 1745 French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at Fontenoy. 1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray. 1812 British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons. 1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British. 1858 Minnesota was admitted as the 32nd U.S. state. 1860 Giuseppe Garibaldi landed at Marsala, Sicily. 1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery. 1894 Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois went on strike. 1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established. 1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The storm was one of many. 1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in central Italy. 1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the B.F. Goodrich Company. 1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand. 1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires. 1967 The siege of Khe Sanh ended. 1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a soccer stadium in Bradford, England. 1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear material for military purposes. 1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. All 110 people on board were killed. 1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a world- champion player. 1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a global ban on nuclear testing. 1998 A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's single currency. The coin is known as the euro. 2001 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his decision to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had been scheduled to be executed on May 16, 2001. The delay was because the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had failed to disclose thousands of documents to McVeigh's defense team. (Oklahoma) 2017 Do smiled.

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