Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 29 Thank you, Nancy !! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Florida woman with last name of Booze arrested for drunkenly crashing into Taco Bell sign ___________________________________________________ Today, June 29 in 1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine in an attempt to end alleged terrorism. ____________________________________________________ None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden (1631 - 1700), The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where Do lives. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. Do out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" Do answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie." ____________________________________________________ Rick Clewett ____________________________________________________ A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies. "Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kanisha Booze, 34, St. Petersburg, Florida, USA Florida woman with last name of Booze arrested for drunkenly crashing into Taco Bell sign A Florida woman whose last name is Booze and who allegedly consumed too many adult beverages slammed into a Taco Bell sign with her car and then left the scene of the accident. In a further plot twist to the alleged hit and run, the St. Petersburg motorist reportedly works at the same local fast- food eatery where the incident occurred, which may or may not give a new meaning to the Taco Bell slogans Think Outside the Bun or Live Mas. According to the police report, Kanisha Booze, 34, was operating her vehicle at a high rate of speed and ran into a tree, a water meter, and the restaurant marquis sign in the incident that occurred late last Friday evening. She also allegedly ran two nearby red lights before cops pulled her over. police claimed that the motorist had bloodshot, watery eyes, a dazed and blank expression on her face and an odor of an alcoholic beverage on her breath. Booze is charged with a DUI involving property damage, driving with a suspended or revoked license, and leaving the scene of a crash involving property damage, all of which are misdemeanors. She obtained her release from the Pinellas County Jail the following morning after posting a $1,750 bond. She is on the road again. Booze, who reportedly is a mother of three, allegedly declined a breathalyzer test. In Florida, a refusal to take a test could result in a one-year drivers license suspension on a first offense. The motorist allegedly has seven previous driving-without-a- license convictions, plus one for grand theft. There is no indication so far as to whether the incident will affect her employment status. According to one blog, the accident occurred as Booze was exiting the Taco Bell parking lot. DearWebby's tech support pits from: Gloria re: Excel Replace Dear Webby The trick you told Anna for the time stamp is phantastic! I have hoped for a year that there was something like that, but didn't even know how to fomulate my question. Is there a hot key for doing a search and replace? Gloria Dear Gloria Yes, sure. Since the 80's there have been hundreds of hot-keys added. Display Find and Replace Dialogue Box (Find Selected). Ctrl F Display Find and Replace Dialogue Box (Replace Selected). Ctrl H Have FUN! DearWebby Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping. The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ ====From Diana==== Dear Webby I really like it when you add personal bits to the jokes, not just pasting a few dumb jokes and a lot of commercials like the other lists do. My husband had told me about those long distance races, so I read today's Humor letter to him. He got all sentimental and dug out the old photo albums with the pictures of those Pick-Ups with the rock chips all over the windows, and the step-box with the gas drums, and all of them with a 2 by 4 sticking up in the left back corner. When I asked him about that, he just laughed and laughed and pointed at your humor letter. Eventually he told me that it was for holding on to, if one had to stand by the tailgate to empty the used coffee while the truck was flying down the gravel highway at 70 miles an hour. You guys are NUTS! Diana ___________________________________________ HUNGARY - Two thirsty little chimp escaped from their cage after the lock had been removed by an unknown person. The chimps allegedly attacked a 60-year-old woman who tried to hinder their escape and later wrestled with a man who tried to grab them in Budapest. Fire officers were able to recapture Johnny by feeding him beers until he passed out. Zsiga was knocked out cold after running head on into a glass door. According to the chimps' trainer, Lajos Korosi, "They both have very sore heads and we are leaving them to take their bad tempers out on each other for a few days." ____________________________________________ At the mall a little girl climbed onto the Easter Bunny's lap, the computerized bunny asked the usual, "And what would you like for Easter?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "But, but, didn't you get my E-mail?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, June 29, in 1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth. 1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue Acts. The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint, paper and tea shipped to America. 1776 The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick Henry was made governor. 1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty. Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minots Ledge, MA. 1880 France annexed Tahiti. 1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first appendectomy in England. 1901 The first edition of "Editor & Publisher" was issued. 1903 The British government officially protested Belgian atrocities in the Congo. 1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports all over the country. Many ships were looted. 1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted electric light bulb. 1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in an economic efficiency measure. 1932 Siams army seized Bangkok and announced an end to the absolute monarchy. 1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine in an attempt to end terrorism. 1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade of Korea. 1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of 42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast. 1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down anti-Communist demonstrations. 1956 Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller were married. They were divorced on January 20, 1961. 1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling prompted states to revise their capital punishment laws. 1982 Israel invaded Lebanon. 1987 Vincent Van Goghs "Le Pont de Trinquetaille" was bought for $20.4 million at an auction in London, England. 1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit the Earth. 2011 The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted the operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law went into effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the use of the cars to the general public. Google received the first self- driving vehicle license in the U.S. on May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 2021 Do smiled. |
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