Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 30 Thank you, Mike ! Got a Skype call at 4 am from my nephew in Austria. My dad had died 7 minutes ago. RIP dad! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Man Is Charged With A Salsa And Battery ___________________________________________________ Today, June 30 in 1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. ____________________________________________________ Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) ____________________________________________________ A rich woman was giving a garden party with many wealthy guests in attendance. While the party was going on, two gardeners were doing yard work on the rear lawn. While one of the guests was watching him, one of the gardeners suddenly jumped into the air and performed numerous graceful swirling dance movements. The guest remarked to his hostess, "That man is such a talented dancer, I'd pay him $100 to dance before all of the guests!" When the hostess asked the head gardener about making such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for $100 you could step on that rake again?" ____________________________________________________ Kananaskis, AB ____________________________________________________ A nun and a biker were standing in an elevator. Being the nice person that she was, she looked over at him, smiled and said: "T. G. I. M." The biker looked back at her and said: "S. H. I. T" The nun was shocked. She turned to the biker and said: "There was no reason to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Monday". The biker grinned at her and said: "Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was, "Sorry Honey It's Tuesday" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Letrail Tresalus, 31, St. Petersburg, Florida, USA Man Is Charged With A Salsa And Battery In an unprovoked attack, a 7-Eleven customer was injured when a fellow patron threw a glass jar of Tostitos salsa at him with such force that the container broke on the victims back, Florida police report. According to court filings, Letrail Tresalus, 31, was arrested on a felony battery charge for allegedly striking the victim with the 15.5 ounce jar inside the convenience store in St. Petersburg on Wednesday evening. The 6 2, 300-pound Tresalus, seen above, is locked up in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $4500 bond. In addition to the battery count, he is facing a theft rap for allegedly stealing a Choco Taco ice cream bar from 7-Eleven. Investigators allege that the man struck with the Tostitos jar suffered a minor laceration and visible swelling. A witness, cops noted, saw the attack, which was recorded by a 7-Eleven surveillance camera. Since Tresaluss rap sheet includes prior battery and theft convictions, the charges against him were enhanced to felonies. DearWebby's tech support pits from: Gloria re: Excel Replace Dear Webby The trick you told Anna for the time stamp is phantastic! I have hoped for a year that there was something like that, but didn't even know how to fomulate my question. Is there a hot key for doing a search and replace? Gloria Dear Gloria Yes, sure. Since the 80's there have been hundreds of hot-keys added. Display Find and Replace Dialogue Box (Find Selected). Ctrl F Display Find and Replace Dialogue Box (Replace Selected). Ctrl H Have FUN! DearWebby A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to try to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story. "Was it a large brown cow with a white spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes!" "Oh, I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the Farmer. "She only knows tractors and diesels but doesn't really have a clue about gasoline engines." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that runs on water." ___________________________________________ The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well... as a matter if fact, Yes !" she replied. "I've been divorced seven times." ____________________________________________ One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, June 30, in 1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope. 1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for Japanese aid. 1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40- mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. 1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal suffrage. 1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Serbia. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 1921 U.S. President Warren G. Harding appointed former President William Howard Taft chief justice of the United States. 1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the British deputy for Northern Ireland. 1930 France pulled its troops out of Germanys Rhineland. 1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives." 1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when Haile Selassie of Ethiopia speaks. 1936 Margaret Mitchells book, "Gone with the Wind," was published. 1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea and authorizes the draft. 1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway broadcasts that the United Nations was willing to discuss an armistice with North Korea. 1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 1955 The U.S. began funding West Germanys rearmament. 1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was dissolved. 1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's independence from Belgium). 1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year effort to bring stability to the country. 1971 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government could not prevent the Washington Post or the New York Times from publishing the Pentagon Papers. 1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The three cosmonauts were found dead inside. 1971 The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified when Ohio became the 38th state to approve it. The amendment lowered the minimum voting age to 18. 1974 Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov defected in Toronto, Canada. 1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to the B-1 bomber. 1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600 performances in "The King and I." 1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults. organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. 1998 Officials confirmed that the remains of a Vietnam War serviceman buried in the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery were identified as those of Air Force pilot Michael J. Blassie. 2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a signature in pen and ink. 2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's orbit. The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 2021 Do smiled. |
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