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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 2, in 1887, The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: Cook County woman charged with stealing $1.5M in chicken wings from school districtMan arrested for killing his girlfriend in Chandler __________________________________________________ Q You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956) It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ________________________________________________ >From Tina A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah, but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this, he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers," the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening; however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the tradition of the patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi. "I, too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord." They fell to their knees and began to pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed, the clouds above opened and a mighty voice said, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel..." __________________________________________________ A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what ?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  Vera Lidell, 66, Chicago, Illinois, USA Cook County woman charged with stealing $1.5M in chicken wings from school district Bond was set at $150,000 Thursday for a Dolton woman accused of stealing over $1.5 million of food - primarily chicken wings - while working as a consultant for a school district in south suburban Cook County, according to court documents. Vera Lidell, 66, began working as the Director of Food Services for Harvey School District 152 in July 2020, according to a proffer from her bond hearing. Between July 2020 and February 2022, prosecutors said Liddell placed hundreds of unauthorized orders for food items, including 11,000 cases of chicken wings, through the school district's main supplier, Gordon Food Service. The orders were placed separately from the district's legitimate orders, prosecutors said. "The massive fraud began at the height of COVID during a time when students were not allowed to be physically present in school. Even though the children were learning remotely, the school district continued to provide meals for the students that their families could pick up," the proffer said. Believing the orders were genuine, Gordon Food Service billed Harvey School District 152, which then paid for the food items, according to court records. Lidell would then allegedly use one of the school district's cargo vans to pick up and transport the stolen food. "The food was never brought to the school or provided to the students," the proffer said. A routine mid-year audit conducted by the district's business manager in January 2022 showed the food service department had exceeded its annual budget by over $300,000 despite only being halfway through the school year, prosecutors said. Prosecutors said Lidell was the only person responsible for placing food orders on behalf of the district. "Upon closer review, she discovered individual invoices signed by Liddell for massive quantities of chicken wings, an item that was never served to students because they contain bones," the proffer said. Employees of Gordon Food Service said they were all familiar with Lidell, "due to the massive amount of chicken wings she would purchase," and surveillance video of the facility showed she would often arrive prior to the store opening to pick up the orders. Lidell was charged with felony theft and continuing a financial crimes enterprise, prosecutors said. She's currently being held at the Cook County Jail and is due to appear in court again on Feb. 22. __________________________________________________________  Cheap Alarm __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He even said, 'Thanks.' " ____________________________________________________  Laura ___________________________________________________ A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ A driver stopped by police for talking on his mobile phone told them his cousin had rung to warn him police were stopping cars ahead. The police team was on the lookout for speeding cars in Bremen. But when they noticed a driver talking on his mobile phone while driving, they also stopped him. The 30-year-old, who was driving a blue Fiat, told officers his phone had started ringing just before he reached the control point. When he picked it up, his cousin was at the other end of the line, warning him of the police control ahead and telling him to drive carefully. The man had to pay a fine, which he told officers he would demand back from his cousin. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Al Capp, creator of the famous comic strip Lil Abner, was one day invited to a university to give a lecture to the students. Before he could begin speaking to the large group assembled in the auditorium, an unkempt-looking student at the back shouted a vulgar word at him. The word hung in the air as an uncomfortable silence lasted but a moment... Capp, keeping his cool, quipped, "Now that you've given us your name, what is your question?" ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Nana RE: Excel substitue Dear Webby I used to use Excel when I was still working. It was quite affordable in those days. What have you got in your goodie bag for a senior on a too low fixed income? Nana Dear Nana Download Open Office or Office Libre.Thwy are both about the same, but some people argue endlessly over which is better, all without being able to point out the differences. It's like Quattro versus Excel in the days of DOS. Whichever one you are used to, is the better one. Dear Nana Download Open Office or Office Libre.Thwy are both about the same, but some people argue endlessly over which is better, all without being able to point out the differences. It's like Quattro versus Excel in the days of DOS. Whichever one you are used to, is the better one. They are both FREE! Use CALC in Open or in Libre. To avoid expensivee Copyright lawsuits, CALC has shuffled the menu a bit. All the good stuf is there, but in different places in the menu. You can download the HELP, or just google for what you need. It won't take you long to get used to it and become a WIZ at CALC. What is most admirable is that you can pick up an Excel file, work on it as if you were in Excel, and save it in Excel format. THAT part is extremely important for students, who have a snooty teacher, who demands that they pay for Excel, supposedly to prepare them for industry and commerce, and earn her a kick-back from the local Microsoft dealer. Well, guess what! Industry and commerce is using OPEN or Libre! If you have 1500 machines in your ivory tower, would you buy Excel for them, or tell each employee to download Libre or Open, and get working? The work produced is identical. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, splashed some on each leg, and then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy. ____________________________________________________ Today, February 2 in 1536, The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. 1653, New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was incorporated. 1802, The first leopard to be exhibited in the United States was shown by Othello Pollard in Boston, MA. 1848, The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions of land to the U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility of all claims against Mexico by American citizens. Texas had already entered the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 1848, The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in San Francisco, CA. 1863, Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark Twain. 1870, The "Cardiff Giant" was revealed to be nothing more than carved gypsum. The discovery in Cardiff, NY, was alleged to be the petrified remains of a human. 1878, Greece declared war on Turkey. 1880, The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 1887, The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 1892, William Painter patented the bottle cap. 1893, The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history when they filmed the first motion picture close-up. The studio was owned and operated by Thomas Edison. 1897, The Pennsylvania state capitol in Harrisburg was destroyed by fire. The new statehouse was dedicated nine years later on the same site. 1913, Grand Central Terminal officially opened at 12:01 a.m. Even though construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000 people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 1935, Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph machine, in Portage, WI. 1943, During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from the Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. Stalingrad has since been renamed Volgograd. 1945, U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1946, The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 1949, Golfer Ben Hogan was seriously injured in an auto accident in Van Horn, TX. 1962, The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400 years. 1967, The American Basketball Association was formed by representatives of the NBA. 1971, Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that ousted President Milton Obote. 1980, The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports surfaced that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that targeted members of the U.S. Congress. Phony Arab businessmen were used in the operation. 1989, The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, after nine years of military occupation. 1990, South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 1998, U.S. President Clinton introduced the first balanced budget in 30 years. 1999, 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when a cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 1999, Hugo Chvez Fras took office. He had been elected president of Venezuela in December 1998. 2004, It was reported that a white powder had been found in an office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the powder was the poison ricin. 2022 Do smiled.
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