Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, August 23 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Illinois Professor's Twisted Fantasies Led to Stabbing  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 23 in 1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in war with China. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Happiness doesn't come from doing what we like to do But from liking what we have to do. --- Wilferd A. Peterson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ This is a Classic, that has been around: A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs.." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A well known diplomat had just returned from a weekend at a stately country home. When he was asked by a friend whether or not he'd had a good time, he said, "If the soup had been as warm as the wine, the wine as old as the chicken, the chicken as tender as the upstairs maid, and the maid as willing as the Lady of the house, it would have been perfect." ______________________________________________________   Emperor Tamarin _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ladarius Blue, 26, Cedar Rapids, Iowa  Eclipse aids in arrest of Iowas most wanted sex offender  Cedar Rapids Police said the solar eclipse Monday helped them capture a man on the most wanted sex offenders list. Police said the Iowa Division of Criminal Investigation wanted 26-year-old Ladarius Blue of Waterloo for failing to register as a sex offender. DCI agents haven't known where Blue was since early June. The U.S. Marshals and DCI investigators had narrowed the search for Blue to Cedar Rapids. Police, DCI agents, Linn County Sheriff's Deputies, and U.S. Marshals set up surveillance on Monday in the 1300 block of G Avenue and saw Blue leave a residence in what appeared to be an attempt to observe the solar eclipse. When officers approached him, Blue ran off, leading officers on a foot chase through the northeast side of Cedar Rapids. A citizen told law enforcement they had watched a man climb into their yard waste container in the 800 block of Oakland Road NE. That's where officers arrested Blue before taking him to the Linn County Jail. Blue was convicted in 2010 in Fayette County for a lascivious act with a female child under age 13. In 2011, Blue pleaded guilty in Fayette County for failure to register as a sex offender.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Maura Re: Multiple eplorer windows Dear Webby, ... Now I can only open one browser window at a time. I used to be able to have several open at once. What shall I do? Please help! thank you, Maura  Dear Maura That's probably the setting in Explorer, View, Folder Options. If you have a checkmark there telling it to re-use the open window, then it will do just that, instead of opening a new, additional window. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle. 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crack a Nut Without a Nut Cracker No nut cracker on hand? Here are some other ways to crack a nut. 1. Use a vice grip or pliers. 2. Place the nut in a towel and hit it with a blunt option like a hammer or mallet. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com  A safer way to crack nuts is to put them into a leather or canvas baggie, and hold that baggie near the hinge of an opened door, where the door and frame make an open "V". Slowly and gently closing the door part way cracks the shells of the nuts in the baggie. Slowly and gently, just in case your fingers are at the wrong end of the baggie. The door hinge vise can be used for all kinds of powerful work. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
 Science tricks 
 ____________________________________________________  Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because,... A lot of men are stupid, but very few are blind. ___________________________________________________  
 
 Badass trees that refuse to die. 2017. 
 ___________________________________________________ "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife. "Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I agree,' and then things really began to happen fast." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ Gender specific poems: FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen all day long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I want him to be gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash, not be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind, and knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I want this man to love me to no end, And forever be my very best friend. MALE POEM I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs, who owns a gas station, a liquor store and a fishing boat. I know this doesn't rhyme, but I don't care. ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, August 23, in 1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. 1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H. Stedman. 1902 Fannie Merrit Farmer opened her cooking school, Miss Farmer's School of Cookery, in Boston, MA. 1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars. 1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war on Germany in World War I. 1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression treaty. 1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would abandon the Axis and flip to the winning Allies. 1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World War II. 1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect. 1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an infant. 1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 1979 Soviet dancer Alexander Godunov defected while the Bolshoi Ballet was on tour in New York City. 1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel president. He was assassinated three weeks later. 1984 South Fork Ranch, the home of the fictitious Ewing clan of the CBS-TV show, "Dallas," was sold. The ranch was to be transformed from a tourist site into a hotel. 1987 Robert Jarvik and Marilyn Mach vos Savant were married. The event was called the "Union of Great Minds" since Savant had an IQ of 228 and Jarvik was the inventor of the artificial heart. 1990 President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state television with a group of Western detainees that he referred to as "guests." He told the group that they were being held "to prevent the scourge of war." 1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael Jackson was the subject of a criminal investigation. 1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling cigarettes to children. 1998 Protestors in Sudan carried a sign that bore the resemblance of Monica Lewinsky and the words "No War for Monika." The anti-U.S. demonstration was in Khartoum, Sudan. 1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on CBS' "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the island of Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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