Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 21 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Girl, 8, 'dismembered after mother made her crawl under train as a short cut  ______________________________________________________ Today, December 21 in 1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, of injuries from a car accident. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. --- Mark Twain The American media reports the news under the privilege granted to them under the First Amendment. While that entails a moral responsibility to report without a leftist slant, that would require more integrity and competence than what we observe with the current crop. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ On the Mexican border, a billboard said: Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-005-3787 Out of curiosity I dialed that phone number and waited. A Mexican showed up with a tow truck. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.' ______________________________________________________  Cappadocia, Turkey _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Joy Collins, 44, Fresno, California  Girl, 8, 'dismembered after mother made her crawl under train as a short cut  An eight year-old girl was dismembered and died after being encouraged to climb under a train by her mother as a short cut, police say. Joy Collins, 44, reportedly ordered the reluctant youngster, named as Joyanna Harris under the loco because they were running for a bus, and did not want to miss it. Their route had been locked by the train in Fresno, California, Monday evening, with Collins accused of telling the little girl to take a short cut by crawling under it moments after it stopped. Joyanna Harris, pictured with mom Joy Collins, who reportedly made her crawl under a train that began to move off and dismembered her (Picture: KPGE) Fresno Police Chief Jerry Dyer told Fox40: 'The mother then told the 9-year-old son to cross the railroad track. 'The son then crawled underneath one of the rail cars to get over to the west side. It explained how Joyanna was ordered to duck under the train next, but voiced concerns about doing so to her mom. The report continued: 'Upon being encouraged to cross the track, she, too, made her way underneath the rail car and attempted to get to the other side.' It told how the train lurched forward, adding: 'That child was pulled or dragged on the railroad for approximately 500 feet.' Dyer said Collins ran alongside the train and retrieved her daughter's grieviously injured body, which had been partially dismembered. Joyana was pronounced dead at the scene. Collins has been charged with child neglect likely to cause great bodily injury. Explaining the decision to charge her, Dyer said: 'A mother placed her daughter in a position where she could be seriously injured or killed, and that's what we have to look at. 'We have a responsibility to hold that person accountable.'  
 From: Mellie Re: Extra USB Port  Dear Webby, I enjoy your column every day, but lately I've had to enjoy it from my work computer. I have discovered the joys of flash drives, and use them to save my email til I can get home an put them on my personal computer. The problem is that my USB ports are on the back of my computer and it's hard to reach that area. Is there some sort of thing that I can plug into the back of my computer that has USB ports on it so I don't have to bend over and tip my CPU every time I want to load files to my computer? Thanks, mellie  Dear Mellie You need a USB hub. With some shopping around you can find 4 to 7 port USB hubs for under $5. You just stick that to the side of the monitor with double sided tape, and have 4 USB ports where they are the most convenient. Some hubs come with a cable to reach from the back of your computer to the monitor, some don't. However, any USB cable from any, no longer used device will do fine. Once you have chosen a USB hub, have a look and see what kind of cable it needs. The most common are the AB cables. A is for the flat male plug B is for the little house shaped male plug. A 6 foot long AB cable is usually around $2.50 - $3, less at garage sales. Have FUN! DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 >From Sam I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered fat free french fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer which were dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order. "Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat free." "Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes. The fat is free!" 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 A young man in Marine Corps boot camp quickly learned that when the drill Sergeant started to count down from ten, he had better be out of sight when the sergeant reached zero. One day after the young man had cleaned the barracks, the sergeant put him in charge of the supply locker. He then pulled out a piece of paper and said, "Ten." Before the sergeant could say another word, the young man dropped everything and dived out the open window. After a few moments the sarge yelled, "Get back here", I'm just trying to give you the combination to the locker." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Softening Butter Microwave butter for 10 seconds to quickly soften it. If the butter is frozen, you may have to repeat this, but be careful not to microwave it for too long, it will quickly become liquid. Use a cheese grater on hard butter which you are adding to a recipe, the grated butter will quickly melt. Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
Trista Lights - 2018 Christmas Light Show 
 ___________________________________________________ Plumber to wife of would-be handyman: "To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away with hot water -- and above all, hide your husband's wrenches." ___________________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said, "What?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift!  Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book http://webby.com/cb You can download it and give the file as a gift! ___________________________________________________  
 Today December 21 in 1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 1849 The first ice-skating club in America was formed in Philadelphia, PA. 1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the radioactive element radium. 1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in the "New York World" in England. The name was later changed to "crossword." 1914 Marie Dressler, Charlie Chaplin, Mabel Normand and Mack Swain appeared in the first six-reel, feature-length comedy. The film was entitled "Tillie's Punctured Romance". 1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first shown in Moscow. 1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." 1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until after the end of World War II. 1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, of injuries from a car accident. 1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State) declared its independence. 1958 Charles de Gaulle was elected to a seven-year term as the first president of the Fifth Republic of France. 1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon. The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27. 1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to succeed U Thant as secretary-general. 1978 Police in Des Plaines, IL, arrested John W. Gacy Jr. and began unearthing the remains of 33 men and boys that Gacy was later convicted of killing. 1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack. 1990 In a German television interview, Saddam Hussein declared that he would not withdraw from Kuwait by the UN deadline. 1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed the birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States. 1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian control. 1996 After two years of denials, U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich admitted violating House ethics rules. 1998 Israel's parliament voted overwhelmingly for early elections. It was the signal to the demise of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's hard-line government. 1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison terms for attempting to organize an opposition party. A third man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 22, 1998. 1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved. 2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement that said it was suspending suicide bombings and mortar attacks in Israel. 2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in prison for a rape that he maintained that he never committed. He was the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after DNA tests were performed. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog