Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, April 24 Have FUN! DerWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Connecticut dominatrix arrested for extortion Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24 in 1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) The shortest distance between two points is under construction. --- Noelie Altito A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen." Now type the letter "p" to bring up the Program Manager." CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "p". TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?" TECH SUPPORT" "p" on your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ More from Kati: Boudreaux's 17-year-old, unmarried daughter tells her parents she thinks she is expecting. Very worried, they go to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, and crying, Boudreaux says, "Who 'dat pig what did you like 'dis? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of Boudreaux's house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with Boudreaux, the mother and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility. "If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, Boudreaux, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Den you try agin!" ______________________________________________________   Waiting long? ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Fatin Ann Ward, 35, Waterbury, Connecticut  Connecticut dominatrix arrested for extortion  A Connecticut dominatrix who describes herself as a ruthless, plus size Bitch in an online ad is locked up for allegedly extorting hush money from a 69-year-old man whom she recorded during their sessions, police report. According to an arrest warrant application, the victim hired Fatin Ann Ward, a 35-year-old convicted sex offender, after spotting an ad she placed on Backpage.com. The victim, a Mt. Kisco, New York resident, told police that he traveled to Wards Waterbury apartment for encounters with the dominatrix. In one online ad, Ward--identified as Mistresses Teenie-- declares that she is black, dominant, ruthless and has the desire to walk all over you. Literally. The ad concludes, You shall submit yourself to me. Don't keep me waiting, give into your desires and release your finances over to me. Wards client told police that she recorded him during one session. A subsequent police search of Wards phone turned up photos and videos of the client performing oral sex on Ward, sucking and rubbing her feet, and undressing and cleaning the 5' 6", 216-pound dominatrixs oven. As first reported by the Republican-American's Jonathan Shugarts, Ward allegedly threatened to distribute the incriminating videos online unless the man paid her off. The victim, cops say, agreed to hush money payments in excess of $5000. The man, who provided Ward with more than half of the agreed upon amount, told investigators that the dominatrix contacted his wife and forwarded her the embarrassing videos. In a phone call monitored by police, Ward allegedly threatened to also send the footage to the victims children. As police executed a search warrant at her home, Ward told investigators that she had not threatened the client, though she did acknowledge that the man had not paid what he owed her. Ward told cops that she had told the victim his wife would have a heart attack if she knew about his fetish for black women. Pictured above, Ward was arrested last week on larceny, voyeurism, and disseminating voyeuristic materials charges. She is locked up in lieu of $100,000 bond. According to the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division, Ward--who has also used the surname Ahmad--is a Tier II sex offender. She was convicted in October 2000 of an attempted lewd act on a minor, a felony for which she served state prison time. Ward is required to register as a sex offender in both South Carolina, where she was convicted, and Connecticut, where she now resides. Her victim is a bonehead too, but there is no name or mugshot available.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: "Email Account Suspension" Mail sent by scammer Dear Webby I received all kinds of weird mail threatening to suspend my email account if I did not open some attachment and do this or that. The mails pretended to be from some team at my domain. Well, as you know, my team is me and my dog, and neither one of us sends silly emails to the other. What is it all about and how do I stop it? Angel  Dear Angel It's some silly spam sent by a scammer. Just make a filter in MailWasher that looks for "Email Account Suspension" in the subject line, and tell it to trash that mail automatically. You won't see another one. Don't worry about that filter accidentally dumping legitimate mail. Nobody will announce suspending anybody's email. If email has to be messed with, because that address has not been checked in a long time, and the mail box has over 20 MB of spam in it, then there is no point adding a suspension notice to the end of that. The box will simply be dumped when it goes over the limit. Have FUN! DearWebby    Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the dopey anaesthesiologist!" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Alternatives To Dryer Sheets By marilyn shipman [16 Posts, 4 Comments] Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets By marilyn shipman [16 Posts, 4 Comments] If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and costs practically nothing! By Marilyn from Colfax, LA  
  
Demolition phone call 
 ____________________________________________________ A couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him." ___________________________________________________  
 
Splattered ink animal paintings. 
 Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, on April 24 1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass in Central America. 1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg. 1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, Francis. 1800 The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000 allocation. 1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna in Tripoli. 1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain. 1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire. 1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule in the South. 1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa was now a German colony. 1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized. 1897 William Price became the first to be named White House news reporter. 1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba. 1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began the mass deportation of Armenians. 1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against British occupation forces. They were overpowered several days later. 1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the Himalayas. 1953 Winston Churchill was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. 1955 "X-Minus One," a science fiction show, was first heard for the first time on NBC radio. 1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. 1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time. 1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft crashed with a tangled parachute. 1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. 1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite. 1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in nine kinds of cancer. 1974 David Bowie released "Diamond Dogs." 1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing. 1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope. 1997 The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons Convention. The global treaty banned the development, production, storage and use of chemical weapons. 2000 ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 2003 A U.S. official reported that North Korea had claimed to have nuclear weapons. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 

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