Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 9 3.8% Unemployment, more job openings than applicants! If Trump keeps that up, pretty soon I'll have to move South to help out! With Mexifornia handing out Visas with Democratic Party registrations, that should not be difficult. I was told you don't really have to vote for Pelousy just because of registering for Democratic Party junkmail. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man from Georgia busted with guns, hollow-point bullets at Port Authority Bus Terminal Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 9 in 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence.  More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground." The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me!" Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!" Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me? A cruise ship?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Lorikeets _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Grant Hall, 21, Georgia  Man from Georgia busted with guns, hollow-point bullets at Port Authority Bus Terminal  A man from Georgia who has been living out of his car at Midtown's Port Authority Bus Terminal for the last two weeks was arrested after Port Authority police found two handguns, dozens of hollow- point bullets and a machete inside his vehicle, sources said Tuesday. Grant Hall, 21, is facing a host of weapons possession charges after the firearms were found in his 2006 Honda Element Monday. His car was found in the LAZ parking lot above the terminal on the fifth floor of the Midtown terminal, Port Authority police said. Police Officer Shaun Kehoe and rookie Police Officers Joey Cassera, William Salzmann, and Jeffrey Hager who were on their first day of service at the bus terminal were called to the parking lot on a report of a suspicious person looking into car windows of parked vehicles. The cops quickly found Hall, who confessed that he had been living in his car inside the parking lot for the past two weeks. Hall was making his way to Montreal, he told the officers. Cops inspected Hall's vehicle, recovering the two unloaded handguns, a 9-mm. magazine that can hold 30 rounds, two more magazines that can hold 15 rounds each, 60 9-mm. hollow-point bullets, a machete and a hatchet. Hall was charged with two counts of gun possession, according to court documents. 
 Tech Support Pits From: Fast Eddie Re: Which computer is faster?  Hi Mr Webby; I am in search of another computer and saw one over on "Tigerdirect" it is....... blah blah blah And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like something faster! Fast Eddie  Dear Fast Eddie Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be the faster one. The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part is the chair-to-keyboard interface. Give the polluted one to your daughter, get yourself a new one, and try as hard as you can to refrain from installing utilities. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !" 
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 The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation" *Version One* Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours? Jane *Version Two* Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Jane ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Paint Cans Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint cans take up a lot of shelf space.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 Fashion era swimwear. 
 ___________________________________________________ "'Muesli' is not a word we use in America. When we sweep up after we have been doing woodwork and put it in a bag with mixed nuts and a little birdseed, and pretend it's a health- ful breakfast, we call it granola." ---Bill Bryson Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: . . . "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . ."I always do." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 >From Ella At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my four-year-old grandson sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?" ____________________________________________________  
 Today, June 9 in 1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile. 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence. 1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It was the first American book to be copyrighted. 1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first published "dime novel." 1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft design. 1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS George Washington, was launched. 1973 Secretariat won the 105th Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths and ran the fastest 1 1/2 miles on dirt at 2:24. 1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black men from the Mormon priesthood. 1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two months. 1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo. 2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a border- enforcement team. 2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out over 10 years. 2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable Player. 2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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