Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, March 11 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Betty!! Today in 1904, After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New York ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Ex jailer, 2 inmates and facilitator plead guilty to federal rackeeering conspiracy charges ___________________________________________________ If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) ___________________________________________________ One day, Jean-Claude decided to take a trip from Montreal (where he lived) to that great city of Boston.. He went to the airport to buy a ticket and found out the cost was $200 one-way. Well Jean-Claude only had $110 on him. But he saw a sign saying half-fare for persons under 18. Well, now Jean-Claude had just turned 18 three months ago so he lied..a bit. And got a ticket for $100. Well during the flight, he talking with the passenger seated next to him. And, in the course of their little chat, he boisterously mentioned the 18th birthday party his friends had for him. Since Jean-Claude talked fairly loudly, a stewardess happened to over-hear that part of the conversation and remembered from the passenger list that Jean-Claude had only paid half-fare. A few minutes later, the stewardess asked Jean-Claude if he had $50 with him. Jean-Claude, slightly embarrassed, replied, "I only have $10, enough for a bus and a coffee after we arrive in Boston.. Why you ask?" Stewardess:"I wanted to know if you wanted to buy this used parachute." Jean-Claude, "What for?" Stewardess, "You only paid half-fare and you're over 18. We are half-way on our flight and you have to leave now." ___________________________________________________ A passenger train in Kentucky is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _________________________________ ------- Yeah, I remember that train. It had little porches at each end of the wagons and signs posted: "Picking flowers while the train is in motion is not permitted." Seems the locomotive engineer got annoyed when the flower pickers passed the train. ____________________________________________________ Jamie B Wild As the ram descended this rock wall, he briefly stopped to scratch his side and get some of that winter coat off before continuing further down. It's fascinating to watch their movements on such a steep incline! Can be a bit of a nail biting experience at times! ___________________________________________________ The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick, and a dozen other mysterious concoctions, and then turned to me and asked: "Does this look natural?" ____________________________________________________ It was little Michael's first visit to the country, and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. Rushing indoors excitedly, Michael sought his grandmother. "Oh, Granny," he exclaimed, "one of the chickens is in bloom!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dominique Booker, 45, William Cox, also known as Dollar, 45, and Vernard Majette, also known as Nard, 40; facilitator Vonda Bolden, 57, Baltimore, Maryland, USA Ex jailer, 2 inmates and facilitator plead guilty to federal rackeeering conspiracy charges A former correctional officer, two inmates and an outside facilitator pleaded guilty this week to federal racketeering conspiracy charges after they smuggled contraband and received thousands of dollars in bribes for bringing the drugs and other items into a Jessup maximum security prison. The U.S. Attorneys Office of Maryland said in a news release Wednesday that a total of 15 people have pleaded guilty in the case, with three people entering guilty pleas on Tuesday and Wednesday: former correctional officer Dominique Booker, 45, of Baltimore; inmates William Cox, also known as Dollar, 45, and Vernard Majette, also known as Nard, 40; and facilitator Vonda Bolden, 57, of Baltimore. Booker and Cox will be sentenced June 7, Bolden on July 29 and Majette on Aug. 1. Each person faces up to 20 years in prison. Prosecutors allege the scheme went on from at least 2017 through the beginning of 2020. Booker, who no longer works at the prison, slipped through security screenings at Jessup by hiding the items on their bodies, and then traded them for cash, electronic payments and sex, prosecutors said. Prosecutors allege that inmates would call outside facilitators to order contraband and then collect it and pay the officers after they smuggled it. They also allege that inmates with jobs inside the prison could move freely and sell the contraband at costs that far exceeded those on the streets. Inmates named in the indictment could arrange the purchase of strips of Suboxone a drug used to treat opioid addiction for $3 apiece and sell them behind prison walls for about $50, according to the U.S. Attorneys Office. The indictment alleges that the defendants smuggled heroin, MDMA and synthetic marijuana into the correctional facility. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Victoria Re: Fastest search engine Dear Webby Which is the fastest search engine? Victoria Dear Victoria Try Duckduckgo https://duckduckgo.com/install It is really easy to install, and you can switch back instatly, if you don't like it. Have FUN! DearWebby At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ On their 40th wedding anniversary, during the banquet, the husband was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. One in the crowd said, "Tell us, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" The husband said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . . . and a lot of other disciplines that you wouldn't have needed if you had stayed single." ______________________________________________ The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
We stopped for a quick meal and the waiter brought us each a bowl of soup. As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen, Pa stopped him, calling: "Waiter!" "Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?" "The soup. Taste it," replied Pa. "I beg your pardon, Sir?" "Taste it." "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent." "Taste it," Pa persisted. "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients." "Taste it!" The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right, Sir, I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?" To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... " ___________________________________________________ | Today, March 11, in 537, The Goths began their siege on Rome. 1302, The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according to William Shakespeare. 1649, The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and the French government. 1665, A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 1702, The Daily Courant, the first regular English newspaper was published. 1791, Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more than one patent from the U.S. Patent Office. 1810, The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 1824, The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 1845, Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 1861, A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted. 1865, Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied Fayetteville, NC. 1867, In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 1882, The Intercollegiate Lacrosse Association was formed in Princeton, NJ. 1888, The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 1900, British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 1901, Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with Nicaragua. 1901, U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's richest man. 1904, After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New York 1905, The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 1907, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 1907, In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 1909, The first gold medal to a perfect-score bowler was awarded to A.C. Jellison by the American Bowling Congress. 1927, Samuel Roxy Rothafel opened the famous Roxy Theatre in New York City. 1930, Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees for the sum of $80,000. 1930, U.S. President Howard Taft became the first U.S. president to be buried in the National Cemetery in Arlington, VA. 1935, The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 1941, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies. 1946, Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 1946, Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a warmonger. 1947, The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network television's first successful children's program. 1965, The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 1969, Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 1978, Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 1,000th career goal. 1985, Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet Communist Party. 1986, Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-stick frozen treat for a one-stick model. 1988, A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 1990, Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 1990, In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first democratically elected president since 1973. 1992, Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia. 1993, Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become the first female attorney general. 1993, North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non- Proliferation Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 1994, In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 1997, An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident was the worst in Japan's history. 1998, The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 2002, Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 2022 Do smiled. |
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