Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, April 29 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Thank you, Nancy!! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award  Habitual Ohio car thief jumps out of a moving vehicle during police chase __________________________________________________ On April 29 in 1992, Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days. _____________________________________________________ For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. --- Virginia Woolf (1882 - 1941) There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. --- Mark Twain (1835-1910) ____________________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part." ____________________________________________________   Doug McQueen April/27 - Springbank - pretty female Mountain Bluebird collecting nesting material. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Julie for this joke: A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long, and yet her husband has lost interest in having sex. So, she goes to see her doctor, and relays the problem. The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that this is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuits on her husband's cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report. A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is. "He's dead," she replies. "Dead?" the doctor asked. "What happened?" The woman replied, "He was sitting in the driveway licking his balls, and I backed over him with the car.... ____________________________________________________ Warning, this is a bad pun: Three French legionnaires were crossing the desert. One looked up and saw a mirage ad said. "By Gar!" The second looked up, saw the mirage and said, "By Gar!" The third looked up and said, "Gee, a two gar mirage." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Teen, 16, Columbus, Ohio, USA  Habitual Ohio car thief jumps out of a moving vehicle during police chase  Police in suburban Columbus, Ohio, said they arrested a juvenile caught driving a stolen car early Wednesday morning, April 27, after he jumped out of the moving vehicle. The 16-year-old led police on a chase through the city prompting authorities to deploy stop sticks moments before the thief jumped out of the moving vehicle and attempted to flee on foot. The footage captures police chasing the car until it swerves into the side of the road as the driver leaps from the passenger window from the drivers seat. The suspect violently hits the ground as the car continues to roll several feet down the road. Police say the driver was wearing a neck brace at the time of the incident. Police said the driver, a 16-year-old with a recent history of stolen vehicle arrests, was arrested on stolen property charges and taken to a nearby hospital for "minor injuries." Police said the driver had on a neck brace from an injury he sustained during a recent accident in another stolen vehicle ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elroy Re: Fax to scammers Dear Webby Thanks for your tip about the long fax to the spammers. I didn't get spammed by that Texas politician, or if I did, MailWasher nuked his spam before it got to me, but one spam that got my goat today was yet another one of those Nigerian Scam emails. And Guess What! The bozo included his fax number :-) I'm not familiar with paint programs, but I'm a whiz with spreadsheets, and I know that if a spreadsheet has empty rows, they will be blank space on a fax. Faxes break pages at 60 rows if you use a 12 point font, and at 26 rows if you use a 24 point font. So I formatted a spreadsheet for 26 point font, put a period into the first cell of the first row, then went down to row 1000 and wrote:"Hang Spammers". WinFax formatted that to 39 pages and blasted it out as fast as one very short page. Don't get mad, get even! Elroy  Hi Elroy Good for you ! 3 faxes like that will cost the spammer one roll of fax paper. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up... The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..." The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!" ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
 If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _____________________________________________ At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having once dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "Yes,....I could do it, if you're serious about this. However, just a quick dipping won't do it for you. We'll have to find a deep place to anchor you overnight." So I joined the Pastafarians instead. ______________________________________________ A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, April 29, in 1289, Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli. 1429, Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain. 1661, The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan. 1672, King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands. 1813, Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel. 1852, The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus was published. 1858, Austrian troops invaded Piedmont. 1861, New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War. 1879, In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for the first time. 1913, Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper. 1916, Irish nationalists surrendered to British authorities in Dublin. 1918, Germany's Western Front offensive ended in World War I. 1927, Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed for Lindbergh. 1941, The Boston Bees agreed to change their name to the Braves. 1945, The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally to the Allies. 1945, In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor. 1945, The Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated. 1946, Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted in Tokyo as war criminals. 1952, IBM President Thomas J. Watson, Jr., informed his company's stockholders that IBM was building "the most advanced, most flexible high-speed computer in the world." The computer was unveiled April 7, 1953, as the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 1974, U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape recordings related to the Watergate scandal. 1975, The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 1984, In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went online after a long delay due to protests. 1988, Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev promised more religious freedom. 1990, The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 1992, Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity. 1992, Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days. 1994, Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 1997, Staff Sgt. Delmar Simpson, a drill instructor at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland, was convicted of raping six female trainees. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison and was dishonorably discharged. 1997, Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev went on the first U.S.-Russian space walk. 1998, The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion in NAFTA trade. 1998, Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado. 2002, Kelsey Grammer and his production company, Grammnet Inc., were ordered to pay more than $2 million in unpaid commissions to his former talent agency. 2003, Mr. T (Laurence Tureaud) filed a lawsuit against Best Buy Co. Inc., that claimed the store did not have permission to use his likeness in a print ad. 2009, NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 2015, The White Sox beat the Baltimore Orioles 8-2 at Camden Yards. The game was played without a crowd present due to the ongoing riots and protests in Baltimore. This was the first time a Major League Baseball game was played in front of an empty house. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!