Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, November 17 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man With 130 Arrests Breaks Into Hartford Home, Resident Takes Refuge In Safe Room till cops with K9 arrive. K9 bites and subdues the crook. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 17 in 1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean and the Red seas. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. --- Dean Martin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to LittleMiss for this classic: Becky and Sally were doing some carpentry work on their house. Becky, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith. _____________________________________ Gary hooking up his skidder. If you are in the Yukon and need firewood, contact Gary: http://garysgotwood.com/ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in years. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leroy Mims, 56, Hartford, Connecticut Man With 130 Arrests Breaks Into Hartford Home, Resident Takes Refuge In Safe Room till cops with K9 arrive. K9 bites the crook. A Hartford man is under arrested after a woman called police from a safe room in her house while he was stealing her jewelry. On Monday, police said they went to a home on Woodside Circle for a 911 report from a woman who said somebody broke into her house and was still there. Police said the homeowner sought shelter in a safe room and calmly maintained contact with police dispatchers while the man was in her house. Police said they saw broken glass when they got there with HPD K-9 Rosco, and maintained a perimeter of the home, while the woman stayed in contact with them. Police searched the home and Rosco found Leroy Mims, 56, hiding in the second-floor bathtub of the children's bathroom. Police said he had a knife and was subdued by Rosco and then patrol officers. Mims had the victim's jewelry and property in his backpack and pockets when he was arrested . Police said Mims is a convicted felon with 130 Hartford arrests with 46 prior convictions. He was charged with home invasion, second-degree larceny, first-degree criminal mischief, carrying a dangerous weapon, and interfering with police. He is being held on $100,000 bail. "I spoke to the family overnight," said Foley. "They're obviously shaken. [I'm] glad they made the decision to build the safe room and glad they're okay." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Fixt Caps Locked text Dear Webby, I am editing (pro bono) a local service club monthly bulletin and occasionally get a script IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I don't mind going through two or three paragraphs, but it will take forever to rewrite several pages -- not to mention how boring it is. If anyone knows a shortcut, I figure it is you. CAN YOU HELP? Thanx, Jerry Dear Jerry Just send it back to them and tell them that they are giving AOL a bad name, again. Tell them that there is more to life than slouching on the couch, a bottle of Southern Comfort in one hand, and poking a Caps-Locked keyboard with the typo finger of the other hand. Jerry, you are not doing them a favor by lowering your standards to theirs! Bring them up to YOURS! He's a poor teacher, who has never been called a meanie. Have FUN! DearWebby "From Francine As a realtor, I deal with all types of people. Recently, I showed a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the fantastic view from the living room. But when I dramatically pulled back the drapes, the disappointed husband asked, "Where is the view? Those mountains must be blocking it." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!" Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?", the partner asked. "But I did send them," replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the plaintiff's lawyer's business card!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Canned Cream Soups Cream soups, like cream of mushrooms, make easy sauces for vegetables, sauces and casserole filling. Stock up on cream soups when they are sale, they are a great time saving staple to have in your pantry. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Condensed or Concentrated soup is an even better deal. I use a can of condensed vegetable soup for 88 cents, add potatoes and whatever veggies I find in the fridge or a can of mixed vegetables, chop up an inch of smoked farmer sausage, and let it simmer to make a delicious bachelor's stew. Bachelor's Stew can be extended the next day. Just toss more potatoes and veggies into the leftovers. Do NOT use more cauliflour than you can finish the first day. Anything else reheats just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in,sat down, then asked, "Where's John?" "Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks. __________________________________________________ | | Unbelievable Lion Sculpture Made from Hammered Steel |
"From Walt Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non- plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work much better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too?" he asked. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Der Webby, dont worry about the accidental send of Ophelias newsletter. I know accidents do happen now and then. Hubby saw it, and subscribed, and then he got friendly! Mia ____________________________________________________ | Today, November 17, in 1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death of Queen Mary Tudor. 1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide while in jail awaiting execution. 1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean and the Red seas. 1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 1904 The first underwater submarine journey was taken, from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight. 1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel through the Panama Canal. 1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from dancing the tango. 1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 1962 Washington's Dulles International Airport was dedicated by U.S. President Kennedy. 1968 NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets- Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43- 32. 1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released by Luna 17. 1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook." 1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran. 1982 The Empire State Building was added to the National Register of Historical Places. 1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic elections in Pakistan in 11 years. 1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of World War II prisoners of war. 1990 The Soviet government agreed to change the country's constitution. 1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were killed by police. 1997 Mario Lemieux was voted into the NHL Hall of Fame. 2001 "Toys "R" Us Times Square The Center of the Toy Universe" opened in New York City. 2006 Sony's PlayStation 3 went on sale in the United States. 2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 2017 Do smiled. |
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