Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, October 4  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, october 4, in 2001, NATO granted the United States open access to their airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early- warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award  Suspect arrested for taking police car during shooting investigation  ____________________________________________________ The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. --- Franklin P. Jones "The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet." --- Theodore M. Hesburgh ___________________________________________________ A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Then, after one look at you, I became short and fat!" ____________________________________________________ A man is taking an English class where the instructor is discussing the Greek origins of many English words. "Tell me," he says to the class, "what do the words 'monogamy' and 'monotony' have in common?" >From the back of the room comes a gravelly voice: "They're synonyms." __________________________________________________  reported by rock an international bonehead award has been earned by  Isaiah Orozco, 20, Phoenix, Arizona, usa  Suspect arrested for taking police car during shooting investigation  A teen is recovering after a shooting in north Phoenix and while police were investigating the scene, a patrol car was stolen. A 20-year-old man is in custody after he reportedly tried to steal a Phoenix Police patrol car on Friday night. Police say they were investigating an aggravated assault case near 35th Avenue and Indian School Road when a man busted through the window of a patrol car and stole the vehicle. Isaiah Orozco, the suspected car thief, reportedly led officers on a pursuit before eventually being taken into custody. Orozco also reportedly dumped a police rifle that was later recovered by authorities. _____________________________________________________ Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!" _____________________________________________________   Point Abino, Lake Erie, Ontario (near Crystal Beach) Taera Bliss _________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for ths story: The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing. A veteran parent of six children told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers. "I would hold up a piece of cold, cooked broccoli, and if they were jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed." _____________________________________________________   Bohemian Waxwing ___________________________________________________ Two boys were arguing when the priester entered the room. The priester says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the priester, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the priester. _________________________________________________  dearwebby's tech support pits From: Sally Re: What to use instead of flash Dear Webby, I agree that it is a good idea to never use flash, but what do I use for dark situations, like my kids and my parents around the Christmas tree, and the only light a bunch of candles? Sally  Dear Sally Go to Home Depot and get a Quartz work light like this:  Mine cost $12 some years ago. They have all kinds, some even with head high tripods. Take your pick. Set it up so that it is positioned an arms length to the side of you, and an arms length higher than the camera for the most flattering light. Even though a quartz light seems cold and white, on pictures it is considerably warmer than the built in camera flash. The big alligator clamp is for attaching it to a shelf or step ladder, and to threaten kids, who want to get too close. Have fun! Dear webby ___________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for her, saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Allan for this story: It was Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..." *Click...* _____________________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  today, october 4, in 1535, The first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 1648, The first volunteer fire department was established in New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 1777, At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to the Americans. 1876, The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas formally dedicated by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. It was the state's first venture into public higher education. The college opened for classed two days earlier. 1881, Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 1909, The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St. Louis, MO. 1915, The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 1927, The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore. 1940, Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight the British. Italy agreed to help and participate, but as usual switched sides when the going got tough. 1957, "Leave it to Beaver" debuted on CBS-TV. 1957, The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 1958, British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with flights between London, England and New York. 1965, Pope Paul VI addressed the U.N. General Assembly and became the first reigning pontiff to visit the Western Hemisphere. 1987, NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games despite the player's strike. 1990, The German parliament had its first meeting since reunification. 1992, The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 1993, Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten- hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 1993, Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 1994, South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 1997, Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers rally on the Mall in Washington, DC. 1998, The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC. The exhibit featured 70 paintings. 1998, Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show "Phantom of the Opera" for the 2,000th time. 2001, NATO granted the United States open access to their airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early- warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 2001, In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened. The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2004, SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in space twice within a two week window. The ship won the Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success. 2022 Do! smiled.