Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, January 13 Have FUN! Dearwebby Remember the Harbin Ice Festival? Check out Barb's Bonus link! Lots of pictures. Todays Bonehead Award: Wanted Arizona man applies for job with police, gets arrested. Bonehead Time to nag the Ezinefinder to update the voting to 2018. You can try writing to support@cumuli.com lewis@cumuli.com You can still vote, but the votes count for 2017, not for this year. ______________________________________________________ Today, January 13 in 1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an army of God. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sarah Goldstein once gave her son two sweaters for his birthday. The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one. As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?" ____________________________________________________ It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Gary is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Gary, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." Gary pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Manure," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You should live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar on ours." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alberto Saaverda Lopez,32, Phoenix, Arizona Wanted Man Applies For Job With Police, gets arrested. In the latest installment of World's Dumbest Criminals, a 32- year-old Phoenix man was arrested last week on suspicion theft while he worked at a Bank of America. In October of 2016, Bank of America told the Cottonwood Police Department that they suspected their employee, 32-year-old Alberto Saavedra Lopez, had stolen $5,000 from the bank over a three-month period. Lopez then quit his job at the bank, moved to Phoenix and refused to answer any calls or questions pertaining to the theft allegations, police said. Here's where Lopez's case of stupid comes in. After avoiding police for about a year, Lopez decided it would be a good idea to apply for a dispatcher job with the Cottonwood Police Department. Don't adjust your computer screen. You read that correctly. A man who was wanted in connection to a theft investigation thought it was a great idea to apply to work at a police department. Of course, much like any law enforcement job, the Cottonwood Police did a background check on Lopez. Sure enough, the warrant for Lopez came up in their system, so authorities decided to make their job super easy by scheduling an interview with him. Little did Lopez know that the cops only set up the interview to make the arrest. The USA Today reported that Cottonwood Police said that Lopez was out of the running for employment with the police department. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cindy Re: Font sizes Dear Webby, Hi Webby, I so look forward to receiving your humor letter every day. It's by far the best on the web....as proven by all the votes you get. I've saved so many of the tips you've given. Today someone messed with my computer and changed the size of the fonts. I looked everywhere on the computer for a place to fix it. I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked in the tips I'd saved from you, since I knew you'd mentioned it more than once......but it seems I didn't save that tip. So I went to your letter to find out how to contact you to ask you a question I know you must have answered way too many times... ......and here is the answer right at the beginning, top right of the side menu, of the letter. Wow! what a help you are! Thanks from all of us who have a smoother life because of you!!! Your fan forever, Cindy Dear Cindy! Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while." "Tom who?" I asked. My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Squeaky Dress Shoes The easiest solution to a fixing a squeaky shoe is to sprinkle some baby powder in the heel, under the insole if possible. If that doesn't work, it could be the nails that hold the shoe together are producing the squeak. You can fix that by carefully hammering the shoe on the sole. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed. "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?" "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa & lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos." "Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say "Times up"? | | Lead up to the Harbin Ice and Snow Sculptures. |
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so silly now. Dolly P ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 13, in 1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an army of God. 1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first U.S. patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the keyboard and enhanced the sound. 1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris. 1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that German would be the language of the imperial army to combat Czech nationalism. 1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine. 1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public demonstration of television. 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. The media did not like it. 1966 Robert C. Weaver became the first black Cabinet member when he was appointed Secretary of Housing and Urban Development by U.S. President Johnson. 1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak to 45 games. 1990 L. Douglas Wilder of Virginia, the nation's first elected black governor, took the oath of office in Richmond. 1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during World War II. 1998 NBC agreed to pay almost $13 million for each episode of the TV show E.R. It was the highest amount ever paid for a TV show. 1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" for $1.15 billion a season. 2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the two countries. 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a pretzel. 2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 2018 Do smiled. |
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