Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 29 Ralph from http://eclectart.net/ was the only one, so far, who found the hidden cat. Congratulations, Ralph! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Welsh teenager refused to be treated by black doctor after being stabbed in back Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 29 in 2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in January of 1961, after Cuba nationalized and stole all American refineries, plantations and hospitals. That was fine by Obama. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Virtue is its own punishment. --- Aneurin Bevan (1897 - 1960) The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty minutes later, no centipede. By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ There once was a drunk man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush, PLEASE, don't flush!" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Zena Edwards,18, Llandudno, Wales, Britain Welsh teenager refused to be treated by black doctor after being stabbed in back Zena Edwards, from Llandudno in Wales, told the doctor attempting to clean the cut in her back: 'You can't clean it, you are dirty yourself.' Llandudno magistrates' court District Judge Gwyn Jones told the 18- year-old: 'A doctor working in hospital should not have to be subjected to such appalling behaviour.' The court heard that Edwards had earlier spat in the faces of two police officers and tried to headbutt them while they were carrying out a search at a flat in May. They found her asleep in a bedroom with a stab wound in her back after she had been drinking and taking drugs at a party, the court heard. She lashed out at the officers when they attempted to put her in handcuffs. James Neary, prosecuting, said Detective Constables Gemma Smith and Kelly Taylor-Jones executed the search warrant at a flat in Palace Avenue, Rhyl, on May 6. They were assaulted when they stopped Edwards from getting a glass of water. She was taken by the police to St Asaph police station and then to the emergency department at Glan Clwyd Hospital, where the abuse continued. Edwards was given a 12-month community punishment and ordered to carry out 200 hours of unpaid work at Llandudno Magistrates' Court It was at the hospital she made the racist remark to the doctor who tried to treat her wound. 'Other patients were clearly alarmed,' said Mr Neary. Andy Hutchinson, defending, said that Edwards had been at a party and had somehow been stabbed in the back although she did not know how because she was under the influence of alcohol and drugs. 'Nobody knows how she sustained the wound,' he said. Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Forged address Dear Webby I get all kinds of mail that has my address forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't block my own address and spam gets through the same way. How do I filter forged addresses? Alex Dear Alex You will notice that spammers usually use some name other than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender name field. All email programs have a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that IF the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com AND the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P" then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it. Have FUN DearWebby A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials and then I asked her for her password. Her password was "genius". After three tries and the system telling me "access denied," I asked her how to spell it. She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
In Social Studies class the teacher was talking about peoples last names, about how in the old days their last name used to be their occupation. She gave examples like Baker, which meant they where a baker for a living, Miller meant that person worked in a flouer mill, and so on. A little boy raised his hand and the teacher said "Do you have an example for the class?" He said " Not really, Miss Hancock, more of a question." "Well what's your question?" the teacher asked. "Well,Miss Hancock," said the little boy, "What did YOUR ancestors do for a living?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Velcro cable ties Before discarding worn out clothing or footwear that has velcro closures, remove the velcro. Glue or sew the pairs with their back sides together and cut them into 4 - 6" long strips. They make perfect cable ties to tame the cable salad behind your computer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The day I got married was really embarrassing. When the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family had formed a double line. And they had shotguns! | Ice caves that never melt even in summer. |
___________________________________________________ One evening at story time, a little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" "No, Honey," he replied, "there's a whole series of Fairy Tales that being with, 'If Elected I Promise' " ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. ____________________________________________________ | Today, May 29 in 1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending the Byzantine Empire. 1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the Puritan Commonwealth. 1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony. 1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's House of Burgesses. 1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin's Lancasterian School. 1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job. 1916 The official flag of the president of the United States was adopted. 1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until 1924. 1922 Ecuador became independent. 1922 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was a sport, not subject to antitrust laws. 1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for another 13 years. 1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North Pole in single engine plane. 1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men to reach the top of Mount Everest. 1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of edited Watergate transcripts. 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were being diverted to the Contras. 1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet Union in Moscow. 1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian republic by the Russian parliament. 1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and rioting that killed 200 people. 1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with the International Space Station. 2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in mid- May. 2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa that killed 224 people. 2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in January of 1961, after Cuba nationalized and stole all American refineries, plantations and hospitals. That was fine by Obama. 2018 Do smiled. |
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