Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, September 25 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: PA crook tried to outrun cops with a bicycle ______________________________________________________ Today, September 25 in 1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. --- Mary Wilson Little Blame someone else and get on with your life. --- Alan Woods Kavanaugh says that was not him. He was apparently not invited to that party. ______________________________________________________ At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So yesterday, I'm on the excercise bike..." -Jonathan Katz _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" ______________________________________________________ Not a recent picture. It stopped snowing but it is still very cloudy here. It used to be called "Harvest Moon" because this week was the time for burning the potato and other veggie's uppers and tree leaves after harvesting, in the years before the insane dogooders got that practise banned. I still miss the fragrant smell of the burning potato uppers and tree leaves. It used to be funny when some people raked their leaves piles out onto the road and set them on fire. It was not a protest of any kind, just fires well away from houses. Many also tossed tree stumps and knotty firewood, that was too hard to split, onto the leaves. They, of course, burned much slower and gave the kids a chance to roast marshmellows. Because of the fresh local smoke the harvest moon always used to be orangey or red. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Devon Ruoss, 41, Carlisle, Pennsylvania PA crook tried to outrun cops with a bicycle Cumberland County President Judge Edward E. Guido couldn't suppress a chuckle as Devon Ruoss stood before him to enter a guilty plea Tuesday morning. After all, the man had tried to outrun a bevy of Carlisle cops on a bicycle. And one of the officers was in a cruiser with lights flashing and siren blaring. As Senior District Attorney Daniel Sodus explained it, Ruoss, 41, began his ill-fated two-wheeled flight around 3 p.m. on July 26 after a borough officer recognized him as a wanted man. Two days earlier, Ruoss had been accused of punching a woman. So, the officer ordered Ruoss to stop when he spied him in the 100 block of South Hanover Street. Instead, Ruoss pedaled away with the cruiser in pursuit, Sodus said. "Several officers on foot tried to stop Mr. Ruoss as well," the prosecutor added. Eventually, Ruoss ran into a cop car and fell down. "So that was done on a bicycle?" Guido asked as Ruoss stood there in handcuffs. "A bicycle," Sodus confirmed. "So, it wasn't a high-speed chase?" the judge continued. "It depends on how fast he can ride a bicycle," the DA replied. Ruoss pleaded guilty to fleeing police for the bike chase and to simple assault for the punching incident. His only deal is for a county prison term that has yet to be determined by Judge Guido. From: Martin Re: Forward marks Dear Webby, Sorry about all the forward marks that will likely appear. It's the biggest problem I have with Thunderbird. Anything I try to drag into a new email (or drag it up in the original) leaves only a blank outline with a red dot in the upper left corner. That's what I miss about my old NS 4.8 more than anything. ;-( Martin Dear Martin Go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for this icon: With the Strip program you can strip all the AOL flags off any text. Highlight the text that you want to forward, CTRL C Jump to Strip CTRL V Strip Copy Close and you are back in the email program. CTRL V to paste and you got text as clean as if you had written it yourself. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >From Edna We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway. "Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!" "Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Everything about my new townhouse was great, except for one thing. I couldn't find my mailbox. It wasn't on the curb, nor was it by my front door. I was stymed. To the rescue came the development's manager. "The location of your mailbox should be indicated in the welcome package," he assured me. "It's the one we mailed to you." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Pay Yourself First We have direct deposit and our credit union will automatically transfer a set amount of money each pay period to our savings account. At first it hurt a little but now we don't even think about it. It's like another bill we pay except it's to ourselves! By Cheryl Many companies also have a payroll deduction savings plan with better interest, than you get downtown. Definitely worth checking out! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The 185th Munich Oktoberfest! |
___________________________________________________ >From Connie: Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night? Dang, says his friend, and I just joined The Elks!! ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Barry for this story: A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion , she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN, What's your name? "Maury Fishbein" he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the Wars and hatred to stop, I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a f@#$%^g wall." ____________________________________________________ | Today, September 25 in 1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. 1690 One of America's earliest newspapers published its first and last edition. The "Publik Occurences Both Foreign and Domestik" was published at the London Coffee House in Boston, MA, by Benjamin Harris. 1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the American Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on Montreal. 1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of Rights. 1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey, Mexico. 1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S. National Park in Central California. 1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in which the practice of polygamy was renounced. 1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech in Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the Treaty of Versailles. 1933 Tom Mix was heard on NBC Radio for the first time. His show ran until June of 1950. 1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation between Newfoundland and Scotland. 1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students were escorted to class at Central High School in Little Rock, AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days earlier because of unruly white mobs. 1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days. 1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", filed a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that Major League Baseball could not bar female writers from the locker room after the game. 1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of the U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd justice. She had been nominated the previous July by U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning system. It was later discovered the alarms had been set off when the satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted sunlight reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy missiles. 1986 An 1894 S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a coin auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist. 1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400 million. 1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air embargo against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote. 1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its warring factions. 1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his biological parents. 1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost $980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it reached Mars in August of 1993. 1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the Independence Party. 1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours. 2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the NBA as a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became the president of basketball operations for the team on January 19, 2000. 2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue of foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between government troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to take over the government on September 19. 2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service. 2018 Do smiled. |
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