Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, January 21

1411
Ophelia DingbatterIf you like my work,
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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, January 21, in 2003, It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the first time. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Third suspect in Aurora carjacking and shooting sentenced to 33 years. _____________________________________________________ Q A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. --- Dale Carnegie When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) ____________________________________________________ Some really bright burglars in North Dakota: police spotted some burglars in bright yellow jackets breaking open crates of new snowmobiles at a sports store. When police ran after them, one threw away his bright yellow jacket, with his cell phone in it. Police picked it up and waited. Sure enough, shortly afterward one of the boneheads called, looking for his buddy. Since the phone had caller ID, that guy was quickly arrested near the store from where he had called. An hour later the guy who had thrown his jacket away called his phone. Police told him they had found it and if he wanted it he could come to the police station. He did. Bismarck Tribune (Bismarck, North Dakota) __________________________________________________ "Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Darrell D. Frazier, 20, Aurora, Illinois, USA Third suspect in Aurora carjacking and shooting sentenced to 33 years. The third and final suspect in the 2021 carjacking and shooting of a woman in a Wendy's parking lot in Aurora is pleading guilty. The Kane County State's Attorney's Office says that 20- year-old Darrell D. Frazier agreed to a 33-year prison sentence last week in exchange for pleading guilty to aggravated vehicular hijacking. Frazier is one of four people who prosecutors say attacked a woman in the Orchard Road Wendy's parking lot in January of 2021 and stole her vehicle. During the carjacking, co-defendant Ishmail Gonzales shot the woman who was paralyzed as a result. Gonzalez, and third co- defendant Edward McGee, both previously pleaded guilty and were sentenced to 40 and 35 years in prison respectively. A fourth suspect was shot and killed during an unrelated crime. The four suspects were also allegedly involved in a carjacking in rural DeKalb County the same day as the Aurora carjacking and shooting. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!" ------------------ I have done that most winters in the Yukon. However in the Yukon we first hitch up the dogs and skid the outhouse 20 feet away. If no second blast is required, we skid the outhouse back to the proper location, so that nobody falls into the hole. Sure beats trying to dig a new hole at -40 ! Because of the cold temperature the contents don't settle and level, but build a nasty pyramid, that needs to be knocked over or blasted. ____________________________________________________ A woman was complaining to a policeman about the neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode and pointing across the court said, "It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that apartment--I'm ashamed." The cop looked across the court and said, "I can't see anything going on in there." "Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll see plenty!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close... "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper," he said. "I meant the next baby!" ____________________________________________________ "How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient asked the dentist. "Only two seconds" "How much will it cost?" "Fifty dollars." "For only two seconds of work?" "Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very, very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer." ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Wendy RE: Free Anti-Virus Dear Webby What have you got for a free anti-virus program? Wendy Dear Wendy Personally, I use Malwarebytes. That is the best, that professionals can get. Unfortunately, it is not free. Among the free ones, AVG has a pretty good reputation. I have not seen any complaints about it lately, other than naggers for upgrading to the paid version. Here is the link: Download AVG Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she doesn't want but that is on sale. ____________________________________________________ Today, January 21 in 1789, W.H. Brown's "Power of Sympathy" was published. It was the first American novel to be published. The novel is also known as the "Triumph of Nature Founded in Truth". 1793, During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was executed on the guillotine. He had been condemned for treason. 1812, The Y-bridge in Zanesville, OH, was approved for construction. 1846, The first issue of the "Daily News," edited by Charles Dickens, was published. 1853, Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope folding machine. 1861, The future president of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis of Mississippi, resigned from the U.S. Senate. Four other Southerners also resigned. 1865, An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time. 1900, Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. The Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900. 1911, The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days later it was won by Henri Rougier. 1915, The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI. 1924, Soviet leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the Soviet Union. 1927, The first opera broadcast over a national radio network was presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was "Faust". 1941, The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," was banned due to wartime restrictions. 1954, The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie Eisenhower broke the traditional bottle of champagne across the bow. 1954, The gas turbine automobile was introduced in New York City. 1970, The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from New York to London for Pan American. 1970, ABC-TV presented "The Johnny Cash Show" in prime time. 1976, The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular commercial service for Air France and British Airways. 1977, U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War draft evaders. 1980, Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 1986, Former major-league player, Randy Bass, became the highest-paid baseball player in Japanese history. Bass signed a three-year contract for $3.25 million. He played for the Hanshin Tigers. 1994, A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by reason of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding (severing his penis) her husband John. She accused him of sexually assaulting her. 1997, Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of Representatvies voted for first time in history to discipline its leader for ethical misconduct. 1998, A former White House intern said on tape that she had an affair with U.S. President Clinton. 1999, The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for Houston, TX, that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. It was one of the largest drug busts in U.S. history. 2002, In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when lava flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were trying to steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption of Mount Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002. 2002, In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith, founder of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold at auction for $48,800. "The General History of Virginia, New England and the Summer Isles" was published in 1632. 2003, It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the first time. 2022 Do smiled.
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