Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, November 20 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Man found sleeping inside school bus had over 11 pounds of marijuana on him ___________________________________________________ Today, November 19 in 1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. ____________________________________________________ It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) ____________________________________________________ A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom! He was 90. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man yelled to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brendan OConnor, 55, Milford, Connecticut, USA Man found sleeping inside school bus had over 11 pounds of marijuana on him A man was taken into custody Thursday morning after he was found sleeping inside a school bus in Orange. Shortly after 5 a.m., employees started showing up to work when they found a suspicious car parked in the bus yard. When officers searched the area, they found 55-year-old Brendan OConnor, of Milford, asleep inside one of the buses. Police searched his car and also found approximately 11.5 pounds of marijuana, packaging materials, scales, and cash. He was arrested and charged with operating a drug factory, sale of more than 1KG of cannabis, and third-degree criminal trespass. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Donny Re: W11 Dear Webby I can get a free update to Windows 11. Is it any better than Windows 10. Thank you for your newsletter and all the help you supply to everyone ! Donny Dear Donny Are you still cussing about the free W10 "update" ? Right now W11 is still experimental, trying to find out which parts of it won't get them yelled at too much. Don't be in any big panic to be experimented on. Maybe in 5 - 10 years it will work well enough, but not yet. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was a tin stove like most cabins in the North have. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." "Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin." "With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries." The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct. "I had plenty of wire, but not much stove pipe." ------- Having lived in the arctic, and even spent a three winters in tents, I have seen suspended stoves many times. To make sure the thin tin stove pipes don't come apart and set everything on fire, you run some sheet metal screws through the joints. Where the stove pipe goes through the tent (or cabin) roof, some strong tin flashing that looks like a funnel, is attached to the ridge pole. When the pipes get red hot from a good fire in the little "airtight" stove, they expand and push up through that funnel. When they cool off when you go to sleep, they contract, but the funnel does not let them slide back down. If the pipe is attached to the stove with screws, it lifts the stove. As soon as you have a roaring fire in it gain, the stove pipe stretches again and the stove touches down and levels out enough so that pancakes are the same thickness on all sides. ______________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for these: Some wacky definitions. SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happening. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. But he completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possible face.Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window. A drunkard was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard asked, "What's going on here??" And the drunk replied, "Smells like I just beat the sh.t out of a ghost!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, November 20, in 1818 Simon Bolivar formally declared Venezuela independent of Spain. 1873 Budapest was formed when the rival cities of Buda and Pest were united to form the capital of Hungary. 1901 The second Hay-Pauncefoot Treaty provided for construction of the Panama Canal by the U.S. 1910 Francisco I. Madero led a revolution that broke out in Mexico. 1943 During World War II, U.S. Marines began their landing on Tarawa and Makin atolls in the Gilbert Islands. 1945 24 Nazi leaders went before an international war crimes tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany. 1947 Britain's Princess Elizabeth married Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh in Westminster Abbey. 1959 Britain, Norway, Portugal, Switzerland, Austria, Denmark and Sweden met to create the European Free Trade Association. 1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis ended. The Soviet Union removed its missiles and bombers from Cuba and the U.S. ended its blockade of the island. 1967 The Census Clock at the Department of Commerce in Washington, DC, went past 200 million. 1969 The Nixon administration announced a halt to residential use of the pesticide DDT as part of a total phase out of the substance. 1970 The majority in U.N. General Assembly voted to give China a seat, but two-thirds majority required for admission was not met. 1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to address Israel's parliament. 1980 On Jefferson Island, Louisiana, an oil rig in Lake Pigneur pierced the top of the salt dome beneath the island. The freshwater lake completely drained within a few hours. The Delcambre Canal reversed flow and two days later the previous freshwater lake was a 1,300-foot-deep saltwater lake. 1983 An estimated 100 million people watched the controversial ABC-TV movie "The Day After." The movie depicted the outbreak of nuclear war. 1986 The one billionth Little Golden Book was printed. The title was The Poky Little Puppy. 1987 Police investigating the fire at King's Cross, London's busiest subway station, said that arson was unlikely to be the cause of the event that took 31 lives. 1988 Egypt and China announced that they would recognize the Palestinian state proclaimed by the Palestine National Council. 1989 Over 200,000 people rallied peacefully in Prague, Czechoslovakia, demanding democratic reforms. 1990 Saddam Hussein ordered another 250,000 Iraqi troops into the country of Kuwait. 1990 The space shuttle Atlantis landed at Cape Canaveral, FL, after completing a secret military mission. 1992 A fire seriously damaged the northwest side of Windsor Castle in England. 1993 The U.S. Senate passed the Brady Bill and legislation implementing NAFTA. 1994 The Angolan government and rebels signed a treaty in Zambia to end 19 years of war. 1995 Princess Diana admitted being unfaithful to Prince Charles in an interview that was broadcast on BBC Television. 1998 Afghanistan's Taliban militia offered Osama bin Laden safe haven. Osama bin Laden had been accused of orchestrating two U.S. embassy bombings in Africa and later terrorist attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. 1998 Forty-six states agreed to a $206 billion settlement of health claims against the tobacco industry. The industry also agreed to give up billboard advertising of cigarettes. 2001 The U.S. Justice Department headquarters building was renamed the Robert F. Kennedy building by President George W. Bush. The event was held on what would have been Kennedy's 76th birthday. 2021 Do smiled. |
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