Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, January 9 Thank You, Michael! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award:  Suspect's attempted getaway on ATV ended up in the dirt   Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 9 in 1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public.  See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. --- Terry Pratchett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Irma for this story: One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell 'You @#$%&!' after beeping!" ____________________________________________________ A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full." The company got a new number the next day. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   ____________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Juan Mendoza, Madera, California  Suspect's attempted getaway on ATV ended up in the dirt  A California police department shared an officer's dash cam footage of a suspect on an ATV attempting a getaway that failed in spectacular fashion. The Madera Police Department posted a video to Facebook showing dashboard camera footage from Officer Abraham's patrol vehicle during an attempted traffic stop. The officer had attempted to stop a man riding an ATV on the road without proper safety gear and running through a stop light, but the man refused to yield to Abraham's lights and siren. The video shows the chase weave through neighborhood streets before the suspect, Juan Mendoza, attempts to go off-road -- causing his vehicle to flip. "As you can see, Mendoza did not reach the outcome he was looking for and luckily only his pride was hurt," police wrote. "Traffic laws apply to all motor vehicles on roadways. We understand that off-road vehicles can be fun to operate, but please do this in the appropriate areas and use safety gear."  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Angie Re: FTP Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I have always used browser FTP to up and download files, but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs! I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale. Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is not too expensive? Angie  Dear Angie FileZilla is the Best, most popular, and it is free. Just download it from https://filezilla-project.org/ Get the CLIENT version. Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too...." 
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 A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Kids and Credit Cards  Credit card companies fall over themselves to offer credit to new college students. If you have a child heading off to college, be sure to warn them about this because they can quickly amass high interest credit card debt that could haunt them, and you, for years to come.  ____________________________________________________  A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."  
 
Roy D Mercer - Dead Rooster 
 At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since I can't ever get anything past my wife, I'll never be able to convince 8 women jurors." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, January 9, in 1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon flight in the U.S. 1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger introduced income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, to raise funds for the Napoleonic Wars. 1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the first battery-operated switchboard into operation in Lexington, MA. 1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. 1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights. 1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind. 1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle. 1940 Television was used for the first time to present a sales meeting to convention delegates in New York City. 1951 The United Nations headquarters officially opened in New York City. 1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial flight, at Bristol. 1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire in Hong Kong harbor. 1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926. 1981 Hockey Hall of Famer, Phil Esposito, announced that he would retire as a hockey player after the New York Rangers- Buffalo Sabres hockey game. The game ended in a tie. (NHL) 1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10 years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that Kodak copied Polaroid patents. 1991 U.S. secretary of state Baker and Iraqi foreign minister Aziz met for 61/2 hours in Geneva, but failed to reach any agreement that would forestall war in the Persian Gulf. 1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 366th day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, breaking the record for the longest continuous time spent in outer space. 1997 Tamil rebels attacked a military base in Sri Lanka. 200 soldiers and 140 rebels were killed. 2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The company had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001. 2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five more chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first emperor. The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 square feet. 2007 Steve Jobs, Apple Inc.'s CEO, announced the first generation iPhone. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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