Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, April 5 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  ______________________________________________________ Today, April 5 in 1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular production of balloon tires. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Woman arrested for 2nd DUI after driving on rim, margarita found in cup holder  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) "Fools and wise men are equally harmless. It is the half fools and the half wise who are dangerous." ---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience." --- Artie Schopenhauer _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving me in my Jeep." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________    An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Amy Dillon, 28, TULSA, Oklahoma  Woman arrested for 2nd DUI after driving on rim, margarita found in cup holder  Tulsa police arrested a woman after she was allegedly driving drunk on a rim of her vehicle. According to Tulsa police, officers were conducting a traffic stop when they spotted a driver driving on a rim. Police say they quickly ended the original traffic stop and pulled over the driver, which they say they could hear her coming from a block away. Officers asked the woman, later identified as Amy Dillon, how much she had to drink in which she replied that she'd had two tequila shots. Police say she could barely stand upright and did not do well on a field sobriety test. Police say they also found a full margarita inside her cup holder. Officials say it is unknown how she wrecked her car on something or what it was. Authorities took Dillon to jail where took a breathalyzer test and blew a .21 and climbing, according to police. She was arrested on complaints of no driver's license in possession while driving, transporting an open container, operating a motor vehicle with defective tires and DUI second offense.  
 From Debby Re: Garbled emails   Dear DearWebby The humor letter is great Thanks! I hope you can give me a little insight as to why I receive emails that is full of useless words, just words all garbled up. Is it some kind of code or something? Some emails are the entire thing, some have just a paragraph at the end of a letter. Thanks, Debby  Dear Debby Spam is for trashing, not for getting philosophical about. They are just putting crap in there to try and sneak past spam control programs, and then show their phony ads as a picture. Obviously, somebody who uses such a crooked approach is a crook, and not worth your time or money. Just trash their trash. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Govt Office Rules 1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clanks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, take a break. 5) If it's the boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. 7) If it's handwritten, type it. 8) If it's typed, copy it. 9) If it's copied, file it. 10) If it's Friday, forget it! 
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 On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Better Drainage in Your Plant Pots There are lot of items you can put in the bottom of your plant pot to help improve drainage: Broken dishes, walnut shells, broken clay pot shards, marbles or stones. To make your planter lighter, use foam packing peanuts Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
The Shirk Report 
 ___________________________________________________ Chatting with my mother-in-law I asked, "Have you heard of this company that takes the cremated ashes of your loved one and then compresses the carbon into a diamond?" "Yes," she said, smirking. "It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'family jewels.'" ___________________________________________________ >From Karl A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. 'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. 'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. 'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.' 'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When that taxi driver drove, everyone prayed, and meant it.' ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Margaret was royally peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favourite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!!!!" Screamed Margaret! "I ought to know: I've been taking it regularly for thirtyseven years!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today April 5 in 1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the Teutonic Knights. 1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe in Virginia. 1792 U.S. President George Washington cast the first presidential veto. The measure was for apportioning representatives among the states. 1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British crown colony. 1869 Daniel Bakeman, the last surviving soldier of the U.S. Revolutionary War, died at the age of 109. 1887 Anne Sullivan taught Helen Keller the meaning of the word "water" as spelled out in the manual alphabet. 1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 1892 In New York, the Ithaca Daily Journal published an ad introducing a new 10 cent Ice Cream Specialty called a Cherry Sunday. 1895 Playwright Oscar Wilde lost his criminal libel case against the Marquess of Queensberry. Wilde had been accused of homosexual practices. 1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians retreated. 1919 Eamon de Valera became president of Ireland. 1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular production of balloon tires. 1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 1933 The first operation to remove a lung was performed at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis, MO. 1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in preparation for Germany's invasion of the Balkans. 1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 1953 Jomo Kenyatta was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in prison for orchestrating the Mau-Mau rebellion in Kenya. 1985 John McEnroe said "any man can beat any woman at any sport, especially tennis." 1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. The U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on April 15, 1986. 1989 In Poland, accords were signed between Solidarity and the government that set free elections for June 1989. The eight-year ban on Solidarity was also set to be lifted. 1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 were handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands for trial. 270 people were killed in the bombing. 2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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