Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 14 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Man attacks off-duty Chicago police officer, bites off friends nipple in road rage incident ___________________________________________________ Today, August 14 in 1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. ____________________________________________________ People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get. --- Frederick Douglass (1817 - 1895) You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts. --- Harold Nicholson (1820-1904 ____________________________________________________ The weather was very hot, so this preacher wanted desperately to take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed preacher, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding in front of you has a bottom in it." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A crusty old colonel on his way to the Legion for his FNB (Friday Night Brew) got tangled in a small crowd on the sidewalk at some gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts association, and was quickly hustled inside by some of the fanatically idealistic ladies involved in that event. He vaguely remembered similar events from his long gone by college days and he quickly spotted one of those serving trays with drinks on them, grabbed one and with an officious looking, fast stride skirted the crowd, trying not too hard at all at offering drinks to people. He had emptied almost every glass on the tray and was almost back to the counter where the full trays were in readiness for the hostesses to pick them up for serving. One of those approached the colonel for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?" "No," the colonel said, "just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The colonel's short reply was, "Yes, you could say that." He didn't tell her that the ribbons and medals were for good attendance or completing first aid courses, and that "action" for a supply colonel in an Idaho training base was mostly in the back of the warehouse. The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself." The colonel raised his eyes from his tray of drinks, which just happened to be in a straight line of sight with some attractive areas of her figure, and stared at her in his most serious manner. He had thought he was enjoying himself Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The colonel looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?" The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know. It's only 2035 now! The evening is still young" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kyle Clark, 35, Chicago, Illinois, USA Man attacks off-duty Chicago police officer, bites off friends nipple in road rage incident A man has been arrested in Chicago after attacking an off-duty police officer and biting off his friends nipple during a road rage incident in the city Sunday night, according to a report. Kyle Clark, 35, was driving a black Volkswagen Jetta on Lake Shore Drive when he sideswiped another vehicle carrying the off- duty officer and his friend around 11:40 p.m., CWB Chicago reported, citing prosecutors. The off-duty officer and his friend, both 38-year-old males, pulled up alongside Clark and ordered him to pull over so they could file a crash report, according to the outlet. The off-duty officer reportedly identified himself to Clark as a Chicago police officer. After the three men exited their vehicles, Clark allegedly punched the off-duty officer twice in the face. When the friend tried to help, Clark attacked him and completely bit off his nipple, the report said. Police arrived at the scene and reportedly took Clark into custody after a struggle. The off-duty cops friend was taken to a hospital for treatment, according to the outlet. Clark was booked into the Cook County Jail on Sunday with a lead charge of aggravated assault on a peace officer, the Cook County Sheriffs Office told Fox News via email. He is being held on $100,000 bond. Clark was also charged with aggravated battery causing great bodily harm, aggravated unlawful use of a weapon, and leaving the scene of a property damage accident, the outlet reported. Clark reportedly has three previous convictions for aggravated battery on peace officers. Clarks next court appearance was scheduled for Aug. 16. DearWebby's tech support pits From: Martin RE: Getting bookmarks into Chrome Dear Webby I KNOW chrome is much better than IE. My wife uses it. My hesitancy is because of my thousand bookmarks. I am scared of losing them, Martin Dear Martin To import bookmarks from most browsers, like Firefox, Internet Explorer, and Safari: On your computer, open Chrome. At the top right, click More . Select Bookmarks Import Bookmarks and Settings. Select the program that contains the bookmarks you'd like to import. Click Import. Click Done Once you got them in Chrome, you can export them to CSV format, readable by spreadsheets. Then you can really sort them! Have FUN! DearWebby I stepped into the restroom at the Motor Vehicle Registration office and found this neatly printed sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the Minister of Transportation." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ In my day, we didn't have history class. It was all current events! When God said, "Let there be light," I had to go turn on the sun! ____________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said: "No deposit, no return." ____________________________________________ Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, August 14, in 1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed on board the USS Constitution. 1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed after 632 years of rebuilding. 1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver B. Shallenberger. 1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to look for gold. 1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World War I. 1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in the incident. 1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance and pension plans for the elderly. 1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was the new home of the U.S. War Department. 1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. 1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman Catholics. 1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 1976 A charity softball game began for the Community General Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually called off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score was Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was incorporated. 1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by Mexican police. 1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop mass deaths due to starvation. 1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military college. She quit the school less than a week later. 1998 A U.S. federal appeals court in Richmond, VA, ruled that the Food and Drug Administration had no authority to regulate tobacco. The FDA had established rules to make it harder for minors to buy cigarettes. 2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash that killed 110 people in 1996. 2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after being closed 54 years earlier. 2021 Do smiled. |
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