Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 18 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 18, in 1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. ___________________________________________________ It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young. --- Willa Cather (1873 - 1947) Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. --- P. J. O'Rourke ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Arrested after police say the perps kidnapped and tortured a man for 72 hours. ____________________________________________________ Unfortunate typos: - Minonk church, in their church bulletin asked worshippers to sing the hymn "Friendly Breasts," instead of, we hope, "Friendly Beasts." - Police report from Normal, Minnesota reported: "Officer licked repeatedly by female subject." - And a list of Chatsworth churches in Minnesota ironically listed the "Chatsworth Untied Methodist Church." ____________________________________________________   Ron Asp Bald Eagle on the north side of Coal Lake by Gwynne. ____________________________________________________ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Occius Dorsainvil, left, and Marie Dorsainvil, right Miami, Florida, USA  Arrested after police say the perps kidnapped and tortured a man for 72 hours.  Police tell WSVN that a man was coerced into coming to The Villages Apartment homes on Dec. 28, where he was later held at gunpoint, chained and repeatedly threatened. Two days later the suspects, Occius Dorsainvil, 56, and Marie Dorsainvil, 52, demanded that the victim give up his car in exchange for his freedom. After heading to the victim's car, Dorsainvil's later forced the victim to drink a combination of rum and bleach, according to reports. "He was panicking. He was trying to get help," the good Samaritan, who spotted the victim running toward him after coming out of the vehicle, told WSVN. "He looked like he was shot or stabbed, but it actually was just blood from the vomiting that occurred," said the good Samaritan. "I didnt realize until afterwards that he was kidnapped." A week later the suspects were arrested on multiple charges. According to Miami-Dade Corrections, both suspects are charged with second-degree murder, kidnapping, grand theft auto, and robbery. Occius is also charged with tampering and extortion. Both are being held without bond. The victim was reportedly taken to the hospital, where his condition remains unknown.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Bonnie Re: Formatting nuisances Dear Webby, I have a computer question for you. I copy a lot of recipes from the internet and the little circles that appear in lieu of a space drive me nuts. I'd like to paste a sample for you to see but I tried & of course they don't appear. First, do you know what I mean, and second, what's up with that? Maybe if you go to this site, the last place I copied something from, you will see them, but you have to copy the text of the recipe (some of it!) and paste it somewhere to see the darn circles. https://www.theseasonedmom.com/dump-and-bake-italian-chicken-and-rice/#recipe I copy the text, plunk it into a Word document & highlight then use "clear all formatting" to get to my desired font & spacing. Am I making any sense? You're the best person I know to ask about this. Bonnie in Flat Rock, NC (buried under 10 inches of snow from yesterday's storm)  Dear Bonnie I went to that site, but I don't see any nutty circles when I copy a part and paste it into an email. It works just fine with Eudora. Due to a major Moron Malfunction Gmail has a problem using just highlighted parts. At one time you could highlight a part of a mail or web page, then hit reply, and had JUST the highlighted parts. But they screwed that up. I have no idea if they will ever fix that. I wrote to them and will tell you if they can find somebody literate enough to respond. Copying the highlighted parts and pasting them into Eudora or a plain text editor like NoteTab works fine too, without any nuts. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Recently, in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next!" 
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 _____________________________________________  During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs." ______________________________________________ A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff before." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 18, in 1803 Thomas Jefferson, in secret communication with Congress, sought authorization for the first official exploration by the U.S. government. 1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. 1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed the first German Emperor. 1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This date is the birthday of modern field hockey. 1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited publicly for the first time. 1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor. 1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles, France. 1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers Creepers." 1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had begun in September of 1941. 1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World War II. 1948 "The Original Amateur Hour" debuted. The show was on the air for 22 years. 1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed. 1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid- flight by huge aerial tankers. 1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York were unveiled to the public. 1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler," was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed robbery, assault and sex offenses. He was sentenced to life in prison. Desalvo was killed in 1973 by a fellow inmate. 1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning against Rhodesian independence. 1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 1985 Mary Decker broke a world, indoor record when she ran the womens, 2,000-meter race in 5:34.2. She also ran the outdoor mile in 4:16.7. 1987 For the first time in history the Public Broadcasting System (PBS) was seen by over 100 million viewers. The audience was measured during the week of January 12-18. 1990 A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former preschool operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin Buckey, of 52 child molestation charges. 1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a misdemeanor. 1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business due to financial problems. 1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was created. 1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a night attack in NW Rwanda. 2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was incorporated in Beijing. 2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against proposed anti-piracy legislation (US. 968 and H.R. 3261) known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and others, contended it would make it challenging if not impossible for them to operate. 2021 Do smiled. 

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