Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, April 16 Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires on 4/22/2018 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Caught assaulting teacher, handcuffed student briefly escapes officer Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 16 in 1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. --- Lord Falkland (1610 - 1643) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Allen for this story: I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Chena Hotsprings, AK _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ In the mood for joking, a vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?" "Nope," replied the farmer. "Did you fall off?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Natalya Dupree-Robinson, 18, Hallandale Beach, Florida Caught assaulting teacher, handcuffed student briefly escapes officer An 18-year-old student at Hallandale High School was arrested Wednesday after she was accused of assaulting a teacher and then escaping from the school's security office by slipping out of a pair of handcuffs. Natalya Dupree-Robinson faces multiple charges, including aggravated battery on a school employee and resisting arrest. More Hallandale Beach Headlines Hallandale Beach family loses irreplaceable treasures after burglary Hallandale Beach election results March 13, 2018 Hallandale Magnet High School evacuated after receiving bomb threat According to the arrest report, a school resource officer witnessed Dupree-Robinson pushing a teacher against the wall. The officer intervened, forcing Dupree-Robinson to let go of the teacher, the report said. The officer then restrained Dupree-Robinson, placed her in handcuffs and escorted to the school's security office, according to the report. While in the security office, Dupree-Robinson managed to slip free from her handcuffs and fled the school, the report said. She was eventually apprehended again about a block away from the school in the 1000 block of Northwest Eighth Street, the report said. After her escape, Dupree-Robinson was taken to a more secure location - - the Hallandale Beach Police Headquarters. Tech Support Pits From: Randy Re: Hard drive source Dear Webby, I came into a bit of money and want to use it to add a second hard drive to each of the five residents lounge computers at our old folks and extended care home. The computers are about three years old. I can go as high as $120 per drive. What is the best deal I can get for that? Randy Dear Randy Groupon has a refurb Hitachi G-Drive 3TB USB 3.0 Desktop External HD for Around $70 It is in an external Hard drive case that you better epoxy under a table or inside a computer to make sure it does not migrate. It would be too tempting to slide it into a shirt pocket or purse. THREE TERAbytes is an awesome drive! The link to it is Hitachi 3 TB You might want to get an extra one for a fantastic Mothers Day gift! It is a USB drive. You just plug in the USB cable and Windows recognizes it. No screwdriver needed. Just plug it in. Have FUN DearWebby "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not." "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks before the weekend.' " Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who liked to throw his or, rather, his in-law's political weight around. The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any other taxpayer. The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking. He im- mediately descended in fury on police headquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, "Hey, do you know who I am?" The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly, picked up his telephone and dialed the mayor's office. "Tell the mayor," he said to the secretary, "that What-his-name is down here and can't remember his name. Should we lock him up until he remembers his name, or send him to the loony bin??" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Saving a Part of Your Budget Make saving a fixed part of your budget. Determine a reasonable amount of money each month and have it automatically deposited into a savings account. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS." ------------- That just means no refills without a visit to the doctor. He has yacht payments due, ya know. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law in the kitchen, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the daughter-in-law answered "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress, " she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive home from work. Finally her husband came home, dirty, sweaty and grouchy as usual. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress, " she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing, " he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held Tuesday. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, April 16 in 0556 Pelagius I began his reign as Catholic Pope. 1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended. 1175 Frederick I, Holy Roman Emperor, signed the Treaty of Montebello with the Lombard League. 1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton. 1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden. 1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form an unarmed U.S.-Canada border. 1851 A lighthouse was swept away in a gale at Minot's Ledge, MA. 1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake. 1862 Confederate President Jefferson Davis approved conscription act for white males between 18 and 35. 1862 In the U.S., slavery was abolished by law in the District of Columbia. 1883 Paul Kruger became president of the South African Republic. 1900 The first book of postage stamps was issued. The two-cent stamps were available in books of 12, 24 and 48 stamps. 1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching. 1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across the English Channel. 1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start the Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile. 1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set a women's record. 1922 The Soviet Union and Germany signed the Treaty of Rapallo under which Germany recognized the Soviet Union and diplomatic and trade relations were restored. 1940 The first no-hit, no-run game to be thrown on an opening day of the major league baseball season was earned by Bob Feller. The Cleveland Indians beat the Chicago White Sox 1-0. 1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in recognition for heroism under constant German air attack. 1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while working on the medicinal value of lysergic acid. 1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa. 1945 American troops entered Nuremberg, Germany. 1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens to exhibit zooming effects. 1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people. 1948 In Paris, the Organization for European Economic Co-operation was set up. 1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray sank in the English Channel. 1953 The British royal yacht Britannia was launched. 1967 At the Western Open in El Monte, CA, Ken Barnes Jr. became the first skeet shooter to break a perfect 400 x 400 in all four guns (.410, 28, 20, and 12 gauges). He is also the only shooter to do this with pump action guns. 1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming home from Vietnam. 1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was the fifth manned moon landing. 1972 Two giants pandas arrived in the U.S. from China. 1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after a five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea and began a reign of terror. 1978 In Orissa, India, 180 people died when a tornado hit. 1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. 1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids. 1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on the planes. 1987 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly warned U.S. radio stations to watch the use of indecent language on the airwaves. 1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of new animals created by genetic engineering. 1992 Italian financier Carlo de Benedetti and 32 others were convicted of fraud in connection with the 1982 collapse of Banco Ambrosiano. 1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts. 1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect threatened fish stocks in the north Atlantic. 1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and his wife, Sarah, the Duchess of York, announced that they were in the process of getting a divorce. 1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino Craxi guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to eight years and three months in prison. 1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the National Hockey League (NHL). 2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 child pornography law based on rights to free speech. 2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia Tech before killing himself. 2018 Do smiled. |
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