Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, September 4  >From Annie Well, Dear Webby, I see you just couldn't break your record! You said last week you have never had a Labor Day off and if there were no Humor Letter today it would be your first. Since it followed your two eye injections I thought just maybe you might take this one off. Had to peek though...and there you were! You deserve that ol' vote I cast today! Thanks for the laughs and info you provide, albeit through your pain. God bless those ol' eyes...real good. Annie  Thanks, Annie! Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Woman charged after attacking bus w. car jack, trying to run over driver  ______________________________________________________ Today, September 4 in 0476 romulus augustulus, the last emperor of the western roman empire, was deposed when odoacer proclaimed himself king of italy. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. --- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son. He argues and fights with her all the time. Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist. After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother. "Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex." "Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: As the lone female in our household, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from my teenage son's bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband. "What is it with guys that they won't replace the toiler paper!" I raged. "I know." he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was just in there." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Mariana Silver, 20, Washington, DC  Woman charged after attacking bus w. car jack, trying to run over driver  A woman was caught on cell phone video smashing the window of a Greyhound bus in Northeast D.C. with a car jack before attempting to run over the bus driver with her car as he tried to stop her from fleeing the scene. According to D.C. police, the woman, who has been identified as 20-year-old Mariana Silver, of Northeast D.C., illegally passed the bus in the 1800 block of Bladensburg Road and sideswiped another driver in the process. When the driver tried to make contact with the woman, she grew irate and an argument broke out. After witnessing the accident and ensuing argument, the bus driver got involved, saying, "You're a crazy driver, you need to get off the road," according to a police report. That's when Silver got a bat from the trunk of her car and started hitting the driver's side bus window before retrieving a car jack that she used to smash the window, which is where the cell phone video picks up. In the video, the bus driver is seen standing in front and jumping on the hood of her car in an attempt to keep her from fleeing the scene. Silver then continues to drive off with the bus driver on the hood of her car until he falls off. She was eventually arrested later in the day. By that time there was no dope in her car, aside from her. 
  From: Carol Re: Has Roboform gone bad?  Dear Webby, Two friends told me to get rid of Roboform. You used to recommend it. What is the story now? Carol  Dear Carol Your friends are right! The current version of RoboForm is extremely toxic and leads to VERY VERY bad language. Try to export all your passwords to a civilized password manager NOW! RFN! RIGHT Farting NOW!!! Due to utter and complete moron malfunction Roboform is now using a Master Password, that they expect you to memorize. DUH!! What is a password manager for? Apparently nobody 'splained that to the @#$%^^& morons. Then they demand that the password be totally complicated and impossible to remember. And finally, in about a month, Roboform forgets or changes the Master Password. Due to their total moron malfunction there is no way to retrieve the Master Password. RoboForm has sent all your 1800 differfent passwords to hell, irretrievably. Many of those 1800 passwords are probably obsolete, but all the currently used ones are destroyed too. Roboform support is absolutely useless. They just tell you that you had been told to remember that impossible to remember Master Password. I even asked my friend and mentor Jerome in Idaho. You may remember how I occasionally, if somebody had a really tricky problem, that I could not solve, sent them to Jerome. Well, it turns out that Jerome was cussing too and loading his big gun. So I searched and tested the available password managers. I am still testing. Roboform is out. Dashlane is out. Same brain-dead concept. I will keep testing until I find a password manager that I can recommend. In the meantime, try to back up your passwords, and if possible, export them to a CSV file at a place, that you can find again. You will need it to import your passwords when I finde one, that is worth the hassle. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady, but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was really amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back office at the bank where you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you." 
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 A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the big city. After the first week his mother called to see how her boy was holding up. "I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives in the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the wall until midnight every night. And the boy in the room above me stomps around until midnight every night. And the boy right below me blasts his stereo until midnight every night." "Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his mother. "Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm usually up until that time quietly practising my bagpipes anyway." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bring Your Own Beverages If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks from vending machines at work or school, consider buying cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own. Vending machines usually charge double what grocery stores do.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 Some of the best of People Are wesome!
 ___________________________________________________ Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver, "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?" The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time, ever, in the passive pluperfect subjunctive." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, September 4 in 0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of Italy. 1609 British navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island of Manhattan. 1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the Queen of Angels." 1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began operations in New York City. It was the first display of a practical electrical lighting system. 1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to protest sweatshops. 1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its first fatalities in World War I. 1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL in St. Louis, MO. 1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of Antwerp, Belgium. 1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health reasons. 1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets. 1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to New York City, NY. 1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little Rock's Central High School. 1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only two years. 1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It ran for 98 shows. 1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while visiting Vietnam in 1965. 1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops on the Polish border. 1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean Air Lines flight that was shot down. 1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for the victims of the riot in Soweto. 1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites into space between 1964 and 1989. 1993 Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former Soviet Union. 1993 Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott had been born without a right hand. 1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in attendance. 1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and mortgages. 1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million loan for the Ukraine. 1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words "I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 2018 Do smiled. 
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