Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 11 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Good Guy with Gun Stops Bad Guy ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 9, in 1927, Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished Flying Cross. ___________________________________________________ It's harder to make something good when you can't curse all the time. --- Tina Fey The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. --- Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938) Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) ___________________________________________________ Tammy and Anni were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, Tammy said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then ?" asked her Anni. "Oh ! Not yet." Tammy replied, "I'd like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first." ___________________________________________________ Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answered one of the engineers. They all boarded the train. The lawyers took their respective seats but all three engineers crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train had departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. After the conference, the lawyers decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asked one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," said one of the engineers. When they boarded the train the three lawyers crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the lawyers were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please." ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Andrew Tyson, was 20, West Chester, Ohio, USA  Good Guy with Gun Stops Bad Guy  An Ohio homeowner is thanking God for the Second Amendment. Transcripts from 911 calls obtained by Ohio WXIX paint a picture of a violent home invasion incident. A caller reported that a man entered his West Chester home uninvited at 3:30 a.m. on May 28. Hi, I just had to shoot a guy in self-defense at my house, the man told a 911 dispatcher. The home invader had attacked the man inside the home, according to the report. I didnt even swing back. He hit me a lot, said the male caller in reference to the incident. I was in the shower and he was he went outside he was destroying and I heard that my, not my girlfriend, but she was crying. You need to get here ASAP. The home invader dragged the woman outside of the house by her hair and arms, after which the male resident shot the attacker. Police say that the home invader was known to the residents. After the attacker died at an area hospital, he was identified as 20-year-old Andrew Tyson. In another 911 call, the woman who was beaten identified herself as Tysons ex-girlfriend, according to WKRC. There were two children in the home, according to the news reports. If the homeowner hadnt had a gun, its likely that the altercation couldve been even worse for the citizens who were terrorized in the middle of the night. ___________________________________________________ >from Pat I was driving with my three young children one warm spring evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Tim I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?" I wondered aloud. "Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me. "Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors'. Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to the driveway and jostle his car." ----------- I remember when car alarms were new and herds of little kids ran through a supermarket parking lots and jumped on every bumper, trying to get as many cars as possible to howl. No idea what stopped them from doing that, but I have not seen that for many years. ____________________________________________________   Red-Breasted Grosbeak, SW of Calgary ___________________________________________________ We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," our teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you a phone." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk." ____________________________________________________ On The Way Back To New York As I Was Sitting In The Phoenix Airport, They Announced That The Flight To Vegas Was Full. The Airline Was Looking For Volunteers To Give Up Their Seats. In Exchange, They'd Give You A $100 Voucher For Your Next Flight And A First Class Seat In The Plane Leaving An Hour Later. About Eight People Ran Up To The Counter To Take Advantage Of The Offer. About 15 Seconds Later All Eight Of Those People Sat Down Grumpily As The Lady Behind The Ticket Counter Said, "If There Is Anyone Else Other Than The Flight Crew Who'd Like To Volunteer, Please Step Forward." ____________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Irene Re: Hernia transplant Dear Webby You have mentioned "Hernia Transplant" before. There is no such operation. Irene  Dear Irene It is just a polite way to say "Laughing my A** off". That is why I painted this in the early 90s.  Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 

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Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

 Today, June 11, in 1346, Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in Germany. 1509, King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine of Aragon. 1770, Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of Australia when he ran aground. 1776, In America, the Continental Congress formed a committee to draft a Declaration of Independence from Britain. 1798, Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 1889, The Washington Business High School opened in Washington, DC. It was the first school devoted to business in the U.S. 1895, Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven American automobile. 1912, Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off from the roof of a hotel. 1915, British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 1927, Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished Flying Cross. 2022 Do smiled. 

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