Good Morning, Do!  Today is Monday, June 26 

Bonehead Arizona trooper shot at in Phoenix, suspect dead; ___________________________________________________ Q The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel. --- From "Taxi" "A truly perfect marriage would be one between a blind woman and a deaf man." --- George Burns ___________________________________________________ >From Linda Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $50. ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch. "Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked. "I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied. His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!" _____________________________________________________ Max Levy goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health. "Max, you're in excellent shape for an 85 year old man. But I'm not a magician - I can't make you any younger", says the doctor. "Who asked you to make me younger?" says Max. "Just make sure I get older!" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ Monument Valley I have been there many times, twice during heavy sand storms, when the monuments slowly appear in the sand fog, as if they were tall ships of a long ago era, sending shivers down your spine. AWESOME!! You definitely should try to visit Monument Valley! Same red rock and sand as on Mars. ___________________________________________________ >From Lizzie I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly vistors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?" ________________________________________________ After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed. ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Luis Mateo Jacobo Borja, 29, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Arizona trooper shot at in Phoenix, suspect dead; Phoenix Police say the incident began just after 11:30 a.m. on June 19 near 21st Avenue and Thomas Road when a suspect shot a trooper who was trying to pull him over. The suspect drove from the area and Phoenix Police officers were called out to help. Phoenix Police Sgt. Melissa Soliz says officers saw the suspect pulling into a home at 27th Avenue and Garfield Street, but then he started to leave. An officer followed the suspect and around 35th Drive and Holly Street, "An officer got out of his patrol Tahoe and gave commands to the suspect to get out of the car. The suspect fired a gun at the officer. The officer returned fire with his rifle. The suspect drove off north through the neighborhood." The suspect drove away and shot at another officer near 36th Avenue and Encanto Boulevard, hitting the officer's SUV several times, including the windshield. That officer was taken to the hospital for possible shrapnel injuries, Soliz said. The suspect then drove away and crashed into a wall at a dead end near 36th Avenue and Virginia Avenue. He had a gunshot wound and was pronounced dead at the scene. The trooper and officer were hospitalized with non-life- threatening injuries and have been released. The trooper has been with DPS since 2012. "We are grateful our Trooper will recover from his injuries," Lt. Col. Hunter said in a statement. "Our Trooper stopped the vehicle for a traffic violation and was ambushed by a violent suspect while approaching the suspect's vehicle. This is the second Trooper who has been shot in the past three weeks; both of our Troopers acted with extreme courage in each situation. I am grateful and proud of the men and women of DPS who come to work each day to protect Arizona's citizens." The suspect was originally identified as 24-year-old David Jacobo Borja, however, police later clarified his identity as 29-year-old L . "The suspect had an identification card on him indicating he was David Jacobo Borja," police said on June 21. "The man on scene physically matched the picture on the identification." Investigators say Luis had illegally assumed David's identity multiple times in the past. Police were able to ultimately identify Luis as the suspect through fingerprints, tattoos and assistance from the family. ___________________________________________________ A guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious. Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack. He unbuttons the girl's blouse, and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, substantial breasts. The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open. "Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her breasts, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?" "Oh, it wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!!" __________________________________________________ A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad, and the operator didn't hear the message. "Would you repeat that?", the operator asked. "Not if I can help it, " said the mother. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to B Jean G for sending this picture Trey Neal ___________________________________________________ To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll both have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Bumps Re: Hotmail and MailWasher Dear Webby Will Mail washer work with HotMail without a lot of hassel? Thank you, Bumps Dear Bumps Yes, sure. MailWasher works on nthe server, BEFORE you download your mail. Just tell your Hotmail to NOT automatically check mail every so many minutes, and in MailWasher tell it which email program to call after washing your mail. It is the same with any email program you use. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 26, in 1096, Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across Sava, Hungary. 1243, The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out by the Mongols. 1483, Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 1794, The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle of Fleurus. 1804, The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of nearly 400 river miles. 1819, The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 1844, John Tyler took Julia Gardiner as his bride, thus becoming the first U.S. President to marry while in office. 1870, The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, NJ, was opened to the public. 1894, The American Railway Union called a general strike in sympathy with Pullman workers. 1900, The United States announced that it would send troops to fight against the Boxer rebellion in China. 1900, A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the fight against the deadly disease yellow fever. 1907, Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be taken against revolutionaries. 1908, Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform elements of Parliament in Persia. 1917, General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France with the American Expeditionary Force. 1925, Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in Hollywood. That was the only movie about the Yukon I had seen before I immigrated to Canada. 1926, A memorial to the first U.S. troops in France was unveiled at St. Nazaire. 1924, After eight years of occupation, American troops left the Dominican Republic. 1927, The Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster opened in New York. 1936, The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is considered the first practical helicopter. 1942, The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the first time. 1945, The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San Francisco, CA. 1948, The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and France started ferrying supplies to the isolated western sector of Berlin. 1951, The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean War. 1959, U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1961, A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 1963, U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin ein Berliner" (I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall. 1971, The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for Daniel Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon Papers. 1974, In Troy, Ohio, a Marsh supermarket installed the first bar code scanning equipment, made by IBM, and a product with a bar code was scanned for the first time. The product was Juicy Fruit gum. 1975, Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a state of emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy." 1976, In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public. The official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was the world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's tallest tower until 2010. 1979, Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was retiring as world heavyweight boxing champion. 1996, The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military Institute to admit women or forgo state support. 1997, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute indecent material on the Internet. 1997, J.K. Rowlings book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" was published in the U.K. The book was later released in the U.S. under the name "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." This was the first book in the Harry Potter series. 1997, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow for a ban on doctor-assisted suicides. 1998, The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to patrol Peru's rivers for drug traffickers. 1998, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward an employee. 2000, The Human Genome Project and Celera Genomics Corp. jointly announced that they had created a working draft of the human genome. 2000, Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state of emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting between Christians and Muslims. 2001, Ray Bourque (Colorado Avalanche) announced his retirement just 17 days after winning his first Stanley Cup. Bouque retired after 22 years and held the NHL record for highest-scoring defenseman and playing in 19 consecutive All-Star games. 2002, WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 2023, Do smiled. Sequoia National Park

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