Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 21, 2022 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 21, in 2011, In Florida, Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final flight of NASA's space shuttle program. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Dopey Virginia driver attacked K9 __________________________________________________ If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - ) Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. --- Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005) _________________________________________________ Some of these quotes are really precious! Why Some Atheletes Can't Have Real Jobs Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful) Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care." Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject." Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye" __________________________________________________ Bambi sidled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said diffidently, "doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he said. "Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right here above the heart..." The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?" ___________________________________________________ A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss' kind offer. The boss asked, "Why would you turn down such a generous offer?" The newspaper writer said there were 2 reasons. "Well, what are they?" asked the boss. "The first," he said, "is that I thought that my taking such a long leave might affect the newspaper's circulation." The boss asked him what the other reason was. "The other reason," replied the writer, "is that I thought my taking such a long leave might NOT affect the newspaper's circulation." __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kevin Spriggs, 39, Landover, Virginia, USA Dopey Virginia driver attacked K9 A drugged driver suspected of carjacking was arrested after he choked a police dog during a traffic stop in Fauquier County, police say. The incident happened Saturday night just before 5:30 p.m. near Marsh Road and Station Drive in the Bealeton area. Authorities say they pulled over the vehicle that was suspected in a carjacking that happened in Stafford County earlier in the day. Officers say they sent in their K-9 unit after the driver refused to exit the vehicle. Police say 39-year Kevin Spriggs of Landover resisted arrest and began to choke the K-9 officer before he was clued in, taken into custody and transported to Fauquier Hospital. Spriggs faces multiple charges including driving under the influence of drugs. driving without a license (second offense) and attempting to maim/kill a law enforcement K9 Officer. He also faces grand larceny charges for the carjacking incident. And trying to look as dopey as AOC. Spriggs was taken to Fauquier County Adult Detention Center where a bond hearing will be held, some day. They are still busy adding charges. _____________________________________________________ "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish'". --------------- I am a bachelor. Though I have reverted to "UNtamed bachelor", I am not confirmed. Just temporarily, I hope. I firmly believe a woman could tame me again, as long as she does not require a Millionaire. _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Carmen RE: How do I embed Ookla Dear Webby Embedding that speed test sounds very techy! Is there a way I could do it? Carmen Dear Carmen Yes sure. Just go to speedtest.net and run it. Then it will ask you if you want it embedded in your browser. Hit the YES, and it will do the rest. Then you will see a new icon at the right top, with a clock face, When you hit that icon, it will run the speed test. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now." ___________________________________________________ One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ____________________________________________________ Tanya Wierenga Coyotepup ___________________________________________________ According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated Wash. Biol. Surv. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it makes you mad and gets you cussing. Don't go near your mom when it looks like she might stand on it." _____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet." ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 21, in 1831, Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed King of the Belgians. 1861, The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The Confederates won the battle. 1925, The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had set the fine instead of the jury. 1930, The Veterans Administration of the United States was established. 1931, CBS aired the first regularly scheduled program to be simulcast on radio and television. The show featured singer Kate Smith, composer George Gershwin and New York City Mayor Jimmy Walker. 1931, The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double in the U.S. 1940, Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the Soviet Union. 1944, American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 1949, The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 1954, The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North Vietnam and South Vietnam. 1957, Althea Gibson became the first black woman to win a major U.S. tennis title when she won the Womens National clay-court singles competition. 1959, A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that "Lady Chatterleys Lover" was not a dirty book. 1961, Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 1968, Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million dollars in career earnings after he tied for second place at the PGA Championship. 1980, Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and 20-year-old men. 1987, Mary Hart, of "Entertainment Tonight", had her legs insured by Lloyds of London for $2 million. 1997, The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the first time in 116 years. 1998, Chinese gymnast Sang Lan, 17, was paralyzed after a fall while practicing for the women's vault competition at the Goodwill Games in New York. Spinal surgery 4 days later failed to restore sensation below her upper chest. 2000, NBC announced that they had found nearly all of Milton Berle's kinescopes. The filmed recordings of Berle's early TV shows had been the subject of a $30 million lawsuit filed by Berle the previous May. 2002, WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 2004, White House officials were briefed on the September 11 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our government." The report was released to the public the next day. 2007, The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 2011, In Florida, Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final flight of NASA's space shuttle program. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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