Good Morning, Do!  Today is Tuesday, June 27 

Bonehead Flor4ida drunk driver arrested ___________________________________________________ Q I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ___________________________________________________ Oldie: Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both gobefore an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God and some surgeons ever created, and I'm sure it will please the angels to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?" "Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel,"but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are!" ____________________________________________________ A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his Life Science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes. He received an A _____________________________________________________ >from Bella The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ The largest Tsavorite in the world, Was found at the border of the original block B tanzanite mining area (Block B extension), at a depth of 160 meters ___________________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself;", lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Jennifer Schmieder, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Drunk woman rear-ends car at red light Thinks Shes In Boca. Isnt. A Boca Raton woman apparently thought she was in Boca Raton when she slammed into the car in front of her, then later told police in Boynton Beach that she was coming from brunch in Boca where she enjoyed multiple glasses of Champagne. That woman, Jennifer Schmieder, is now facing a DUI charge. According to a police report obtained by BocaNewsNow.com, Schmieder was driving north on Congress near Gateway when she failed to stop. Unfortunately for her, a car in front of her had stopped due to the traffic light. Schmeider, in a white Kia, slammed into the Honda in front of her. When Boynton Beach police arrived on the scene, they noted that Jennifer Schmieder appeared to be under the influence of something. They wrote the following: I spoke with Jennifer in regards to the crash, who admitted that she was at fault for the crash. Jennifer stated she sustained minor scrapes to her arm but refused medical services from BBFD who were on scene. Paramedics on scene advised that they attended to Jennifer however she refused services and said that she was fine. Jennifer was standing with her sunglasses on, and was swaying back and forth unable to maintain her balance. Jennifer was looking for her insurance in her phone, at which time I noticed she was slow to react. I asked Jennifer if she would like to remove her sunglasses, which she agreed to, at which time I noticed her eyes were red and glassy, and her face appeared flushed. Also from the report: As Jennifer answered my questions, I detected a strong odor of unknown alcoholic beverage emitting from her breath. Based on evidence/indicators that Jennifer was driving while impaired, I informed her that I was no longer conducting a crash investigation and was now conducting a DUI investigation. Prior to reading Miranda, Jennifer spontaneously uttered that she was drinking champagne and Orange Juice at brunch Post Miranda, Jennifer stated that she was coming from Brunch somewhere in Boca Raton, where she had 2 glasses of Champagne and orange juice (Mimosas). Jennifer stated she was at brunch with a group of friend around 11:00 am, and was now driving home to Boca Raton. Jennifer was asked if she know what city she was in and said that she was currently in Boca Raton. Jennifer Schmieder, according to police, provided breath samples that registered .153 and .150 for alcohol content. The legal limit in Florida is .08. She was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail around 8 p.m. on Tuesday and released on her own recognizance early Wednesday morning. A court date is pending. Schmieder lists the 2500 block of North Federal Highway in Boca Raton as her residential address. ___________________________________________________ Three very pious Jews dressed in long black coats with long beards were playing golf. A guy named Mulvaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in which he could play. So, he joins the Rabbis and plays 18 holes. At the end of the 18 holes, his score was 104. The Rabbis had shot 69, 70 and 72. So, he says to the Rabbis, "How come you guys shoot such good golf?" The head Rabbi says, "When you lead a religious life, and attend the right synagogue, you are rewarded." Mulvaney, a true lover of golf, thinks: "What have I got to lose?" He converts to Judaism, joins a synagogue near his home, attends services regularly and leads a holy life. About a year later, he again plays golf with the three Rabbis. He shoots a 104 and they shoot a 69, 70 and 71. He says to them, "OK, I converted, I joined a Synagogue, I observe the Torah and I still shoot a 104. What's the deal?" "What synagogue did you join?" asks the head Rabbi. "Beth Shalom" is Mulvaney's reply. The Rabbi retorted: "Schmuck, that one is for tennis!" __________________________________________________ One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later, that night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" ___________________________________________________ Sequoia National Park Been there twice, Awesome! Even took my dad there once, took a picture of him standing by one of those giant Sequoias. ___________________________________________________ >From Lilly in OZ A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you..." The doctor cut her off and reassured her, "I know, I know, I get the same question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Della Re: How do modern keyboards work? Dear Webby, You have mentioned that modern keyboards are water proof, because they have no manual switches. How do they work? Della Dear Della If you or somebody you know ever played with electronics, they likely started with a kit, that has several simple experiments included. Probably all of them have, or had, a circuit for a "Teremin". A teremin has a couple of antennas, that form the capacitor for a tone generator. If you put your hands near the antennas, the capacitance and the tone changes. You don't really get music from it, it sounds more like cats in heat caterwauling at the moon. Modern keyboards work the same. When a piece of foil embedded in the bottom of a key gets close to the circuit inside the keyboard, then that is amplified and sent to the computer as a key press signal. The key itself doesn't have a spring anymore. It is just made precise enough, so that it compresses the air in the tube, in which it sits. You can look at that when you take a tea spoon and pry off the silly CAPS-LOCK key. I usually take that silly CAPS-LOCK key and some 5 minute epoxy and glue it onto a coin operated copier at Walmart or wherever I can find one. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 27, in 0363, The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan Revival. 1693, "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton in London. It was the first women's magazine and contained a "question and answer" column that became known as a "problem page." 1743, King George II of England defeated the French at Dettingen, Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 1787, Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire." It was published the following May. 1801, British forces defeated the French and took control of Cairo, Egypt. 1847, New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 1871, The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 1885, Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 1893, The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the year 600 banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 1905, The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the Black Sea. 1918, Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the first time. 1923, Yugoslav Premier Nikola Pachitch was wounded by Serb attackers in Belgrade. 1927, The U.S. Marines adopted the English bulldog as their mascot. 1929, Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed a system for transmitting television pictures. 1931, Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which marked the breakthrough in helicopter technology. 1940, Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril MacBryde and Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at 8' 11.1." He was only 22 at the time of his death on July 15, 1940. 1942, The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi saboteurs who had been put ashore from a submarine on New York's Long Island. 1944, During World War II, American forces completed their capture of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 1949, "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on the Dumont Television Network. 1950, Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S. President Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the Korean conflict. The United Nations Security Council had asked for member nations to help South Korea repel an invasion from the North. 1954, The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk, near Moscow. 1955, The first "Wide Wide World" was broadcast on NBC-TV. 1955, The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile seat belt legislation. 1961, Arthur Michael Ramsey was enthroned as the 100th Archbishop of Canterbury. 1964, Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman were married. It only lasted 38 days. 1967, The world's first cash dispenser was installed at Barclays Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented by John Sheppard-Barron. The machine operated on a voucher system and the maximum withdrawal was $28. 1967, Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot in Buffalo, NY. 1969, Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York City's Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This incident is considered to be the birth of the homosexual rights movement. 1972, Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for $2,500,000. He became a player and coach of the Winnipeg Jets of the World Hockey Association. 1973, Former White House counsel John W. Dean told the Senate Watergate Committee about an "enemies list" that was kept by the Nixon White House. 1973, Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 1980, U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving draft registration. 1984, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual colleges could make their own TV package deals. 1984, The Federal Communications Commission moved to deregulate U.S. commercial TV by lifting most programming requirements and ending day-part restrictions on advertising. 1985, Route 66 was officially removed from the United States Highway System. 1985, The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the use of combat troops in Nicaragua. 1986, The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken international law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 1991, Associate Justice Thurgood Marshall resigned from the U.S. Supreme Court. He had been appointed in 1967 by President Lyndon Johnson. 1995, Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani ousted his father in a bloodless palace coup. 1998, An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's sperm after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm. 1998, In a live joint news conference in China U.S. President Clinton and President Jiang Zemin offered an uncensored airing of differences on human rights, freedom, trade and Tibet. 2002, In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission required companies with annual sales of more than $1.2 billion to submit sworn statements backing up the accuracy of their financial reports. 2005, In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-million year old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a three-toed Cretaceous period dinosaur. 2023, Do smiled.

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