Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, October 7 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida carjacker arrested Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 7, in 1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly line when the chassis was added to the process. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, about half of them." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for her picture Noella's leafy walk ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sean McLaughlin, Lakeland, Floriduh Florida Bonefish car jacker arrested Polk County Sheriffs Office has made an arrest in last weeks carjacking case outside a Bonefish Grill restaurant in Lakeland. Deputies have charged Sean McLaughlin of Lakeland with the carjacking that took place last Sunday. Investigators say the carjacking happened around 3:30 a.m. in the parking lot of the Bonefish Grill, located at 225 Pipkin Rd. W. in Lakeland. The woman was in her car preparing to leave the parking lot when a male approached the driver-side window with what appeared to be a chain wrapped around his hand. The man demanded that she get out of the vehicle. The woman got out and the man drove away in the westbound direction on Pipkin Road. A witness to the carjacking spotted McLaughlin at a convenience store nearby and called authorities early Sunday morning. Deputies arrived and took McLaughlin into custody without incident. McLaughlin is being charged with armed robbery and burglary, grand theft, and illegal possession of drugs without a prescription. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mia RE: HTML Dear Webby, Dear Webby, how long does it normally take to learn HTML? Mia Thanks to Angela for this one: Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman in the car behind him was watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn't move. The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash. The light turns yellow and the woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams profanity and curses at the man. The man, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red. The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection. As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman. The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight. She complies, speechless at what is happening. After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car then handcuffs her and takes her to the police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects and says, "I'm really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the Reverend in front of you off, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian Fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, since your behavior was so contrasting to all that, I assumed you had stolen the car." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Curry Beef with Rice SPOKANE, Wash. - Three men who went streaking through a Denny's restaurant were chilled and chagrined when they spotted a thief drive off in their getaway car, their clothes inside. Naked in the 20-degree weather, the three young men huddled behind cars in a parking lot until police arrived. "I don't think they were hiding. I think they were just concealing themselves," police spokesman Dick Cottam said. The three entered the restaurant before daybreak Wednesday, wearing only shoes and hats. They left their car running so they could make a quick escape. But the streakers watched through the windows as a man who had been eating inside the restaurant drove off in their car. No charges were brought against the streakers. "I think it was just three kids who decided to fool around," Cottam said. He added: "We always tell people to not leave their car running." Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers." | | Bill Dance bloopers (fishing bloopers) |
____________________________________________________ Is it Male or Female? SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over- inflated. HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part. SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting visitors. SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. ____________________________________________________ Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of smarts. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the dumbest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear!" ____________________________________________________ | | I'm afraid it's going to be sooner rather than later. Odama has cut our military down to where it was before WWI, he doesn't intend to let America win another world war. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on October 7 in 1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances." 1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of Saratoga began. 1868 Cornell University was inaugurated in Ithaca, NY. 1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly line when the chassis was added to the process. 1918 The Georgia Tech football team defeated Cumberland College 222-0. Georgia Tech carried the ball 978 yards and never threw a pass. 1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was formed. 1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and entered North Korea. China in November proved their threat to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops over the border into North Korea. 1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the first hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and pillows. 1956 A U.S. House subcommittee began investigations of allegedly rigged TV quiz shows. 1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty with Britain and the Soviet Union. It didn't slow anybody down. 1968 The Motion Picture Association of America adopted the film-rating system that ranged from "G" to "X." 1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next president of Egypt. 1982 A record was set when 147,000,000 shares were exchanged on the New York Stock Exchange. 1985 The United States announced that it would no longer automatically comply with World Court decisions. 1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism in favor of democratic socialism. 1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor, and naval firepower to Somalia. 1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert. 1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by preventing banks from offering other cards. 1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to $4.83 billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet drug caused dangerous problems with heart valves. 2000 Vojislav Kostunica took the oath of office as Yugoslavia's first popularly elected president. 2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in Afghanistan in response to that state's support of terrorism and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first military action taken in response to the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 2016 Do smiled. |
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