Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, April 26 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Capitol invader arrested after bragging  ___________________________________________________ Today, April 25 in 1921 Weather broadcasts were heard for the first time on radio in St. Louis, MO. ____________________________________________________ I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. --- Rita Rudner Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983) ____________________________________________________ A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?" ____________________________________________________ Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!" ------------- Happens to me every time. ____________________________________________________   Nico Trif ____________________________________________________ A Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, uhhh, ok, but don't let me catch you speeding again." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Robert Chapman, 49, New York, New York, USA Capitol invader arrested after bragging The Justice Department has charged a New York man in connection with the Jan. 6 U.S. Capitol riot after he allegedly bragged about storming the capitol to a match on the Bumble dating app. According to the criminal complaint, a person provided authorities with a screenshot of their messages after communicating with Robert Chapman, 49, on the app. Chapman allegedly texted, "I did storm the Capitol and made it all the way to Statuary Hall." The person then replied to Chapman, "We are not a match." Investigators said they then identified Chapmans face on body camera footage from the Metropolitan Police Department taken during the riot. The complaint alleges Chapman even recorded scenes from inside the U.S. Capitol on his cellphone. According to the court filing, Chapman also made comments on Facebook and reportedly posted " "IM F---- INSIDE THE CRAPITOL!!!" Chapman is charged with two counts of knowingly entering/remaining in any restricted building/grounds without lawful authority and two counts of violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds. FOX News reported Chapman was released on bail conditions with a preliminary hearing scheduled for May 19, according to court documents. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From:Edith Re: How much RAM  Dear Webby My computer is really slow. How much RAM should it have nowadays? Edith  Dear Edith Go ahead and open up the case. Vacuum it out with the couch crevice tool, and clean ALL heatsinks with Q-tips soaked in white vinegar or Windex. The CPU slows down when it gets hot. OK, next step is to run CrapCleaner. Just get it from the link in the side bar or from CrapCleaner. Aside from getting rid of crap and leftovers, I ran it again just now. It removed 8 MB of crap, 15,000 trackers and did miscellaneous patching. It takes a while to test and clean, but you will see a VERY noticeable speed-up. If you sstill think that you need more RAM, my W7 machines are very fast with 8 GB RAM. With W10 you need at least 16 GB of RAM. You can hit the Windows Key and PAUSE, and get a coffee. When you come back, Windows will show you what is currently installed. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. "As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes, Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, if you look at that stained glass window on the chapel over there, even in the Garden of Eden some things were always covered with leaves." 
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 Why do Jewish men so often become doctors? Because a doctor can order a woman to undress without guilt, he can look at her without fear of being interrupted, and on best of all, it's usually her husband that pays for it all. ____________________________________________ German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones under their kilts.. ____________________________________________ In Fairfax County, Virginia they are going to outlaw religious and political broadcasts by making it illegal to sleep in any room of the house except the bedroom. A Bonehead award goes to Leslie L. Byrne, a Fairfax County official, who introduced a bill to the Virginia state Senate that would make it illegal to sleep in any room in the house other than the bedroom. The bill has won approval in Virginia state's Senate. If you fall asleep in front of the TV, you'r in trouble! ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 26 in 1478 Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano de'Medici. 1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 1607 The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in the Western Hemisphere. 1819 The first Odd Fellows lodge in the U.S. was established in Baltimore, MD. 1865 Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to Sherman during the American Civil War. 1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry. 1906 In Hawaii, motion pictures were shown for the first time. 1921 Weather broadcasts were heard for the first time on radio in St. Louis, MO. 1929 First non-stop flight from England to India was completed. 1931 NBC premiered "Lum and Abner." It was on the air for 24 years. 1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government. This raid is considered one of the first attacks on a civilian population by a modern air force. 1945 Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's Vichy government during World War II, was arrested. 1964 The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged to form Tanzania. 1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio State University. 1982 The British announced that Argentina had surrendered on South Georgia. 1985 In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 people and injured 247. 1986 The worlds worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at Chernobyl, in Kiev. Thirty-one people died in the incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. 1998 Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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