Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, December 9 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Smart-ass drunk hit-and-run driver does doughnuts past deputies. Briefly.  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 9 in 1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led by Viscount Allenby.  See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- Franklin P. Jones Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet." ------------------- How to intimidate the poor guy, and guarantee that there won't be another invitation! ______________________________________________________   ____________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Morris went to a job interview. The boss says, "I'll give you 8 dollars an hour starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to 12 dollars an hour. So when would you like to start?" Morris replies, "How 'bout three months from now?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Scott Rapson, 21, Palmetto, Florida  Smart-ass drunk hit-and-run driver does doughnuts past deputies. Briefly.  A drunken driver was arrested after fleeing the scene of a crash, then doing doughnuts in the road past deputies, the Manatee County Sheriff's Office said. According to the Sheriff's Office, Scott Rapson, 21, of Palmetto fled the scene of a crash on State Road 62 on Tuesday night following a domestic incident. When deputies arrived in the 31000 block of S.R. 62, they found Rapson driving his vehicle in circles, or doughnuts, in the roadway. Rapson raced back and forth past deputies and made it clear he was not going to stop. A pursuit ensued and Rapson hit three sets of stop sticks, which punctured his tires, before the vehicle stopped in a grassy ditch area. Rapson was arrested and no injuries were reported. Rapson had a blood alcohol level of 0.1 percent. A driver is considered intoxicated in Florida with a level of 0.08 percent or higher.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Clint Re: How safe are CDs for back-up Dear Webby, How safe are CD's to use for back-ups? Clint  Dear Clint That all depends,... If you can read them on a different machine, and see each folder and all the files, then they are quite reliable. However, if you do not check them, then that is a virtual guarantee that at least part of it won't be readable Have FUN! DearWebby   
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  Tyrone was visiting Leroy and discussing Leroy's problems with his wife when Leroy's doorbell rang. Leroy answered the door and was handed a paper which the deliverer said was a subpoena. Leroy showed it to Tyrone and asked him if he knew what it was. Tyrone in his pompous lack of knowledge said, "Dis here is a subpeena." "Wut is a sub-peena?" Leroy asked. "Well," said Tyrone, "dat's law talk. Yo wife is suing you for deevorce. We know dat 'sub' means 'unda' and 'peena' is Latin for 'penis', so -- 'subpeena' means unda the penis which means she done got you by da balls." 
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 Thanks to Dave for this story: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Time Saver Cook Two Casseroles Kitchen Time Saver - Serving Ice Cream at Parties If you are serving cake or pie with ice cream, save time by preparing the ice cream scoops before the party. Just scoop ice cream into large muffin tins with cupcake liners. Then cover them plastic wrap to prevent freezer burn and put them in the freezer until needed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________  This allegedly true story provides an amusing example of lateral thinking and initiative, and staff training (or lack of) at the workplace. While transporting some unfortunate mental patients from one secure place to another, the newly appointed bus driver stopped at a roadside restaurant for natural break. On his return to the bus, all twenty patients were gone. Being a resourceful fellow and fearing the consequences of his negligence, he drove to the next bus stop, where he claimed to be a replacement for the usual service. Allowing twenty people aboard, the driver made straight for his destination, where he warned staff at the gates that the 'patients' were deluded and extremely volatile. The angry 'patients' were duly removed, sedated and incarcerated, and remained in detention for three days, until staff were able to check the records and confirm their true identities. The actual patients were never found.  
 
Wish I owned one of these beautiful jewel encrusted books! 
 In an interview this week Paris Hilton said she never discussed sex with her parents. She said she was too shy to ask them about it. In fact, everything she knows about sex she learned from watching her own videos. --- Jay Leno ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, December 9, in 1625 The Treaty of the Hague was signed by England and the Netherlands. The agreement was to subsidize Christian IV of Denmark in his campaign in Germany. 1793 "The American Minerva" was published for the first time. It was the first daily newspaper in New York City and was founded by Noah Webster. 1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade," was published in England. 1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company. 1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball- bearing roller skate. 1892 In London, "Widowers' Houses," George Bernard Shaw's first play, opened at the Royalty Theater. 1907 Christmas Seals went on sale for the first time, in the Wilmington, DE, post office. 1926 The United States Golf Association legalized the use of steel-shafted golf clubs. 1914 The Edison Phonograph Works was destroyed by fire. 1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led by Viscount Allenby. 1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first major offensive in North Africa. 1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM radio advertising contract with experimental station W2XOR in New York City. 1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. 1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and regained his world middleweight boxing title. 1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society. 1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer known as "Univac 1107." 1960 The first episode of "Coronation Street" was screened on ITV. 1962 "Lawrence of Arabia" by David Lean had its world premiere in London. 1965 Nikolai V. Podgorny replaced Anastas I. Mikoyan as president of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet. 1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from having to default. 1978 The first game of the Women's Pro Basketball League (WBL) was played between the Chicago Hustle and the Milwaukee Does. 1983 NATO foreign ministers called on the Soviet Union to join in a "comprehensive political dialogue" to ease tensions in the world. 1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members received sentences in prison for their roles in the "dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared." 1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) against Israeli occupation. 1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the Jabliya refugee camp. 1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential election in the country's history. 1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's first free elections in 50 years. 1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iran began arriving in the U.S. 1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a single currency in 1999. 1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced their separation. 1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George. 1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee delivery of international food aid, in operation 'Restore Hope'. 1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms control treaty. 1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. 1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 3 million watts. 1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland. 1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990. 1999 The U.S. announced that it was expelling a Russian diplomat who had been caught gathering information with an eavesdropping device at the U.S. State Department. 2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after losing $4 billion in the previous two years. It was the sixth largest bankruptcy filing. 2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 300-year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch etchings, a self-portait and a depiction of the artist's mother, were valued around $518,000. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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