Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, September 9 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Texas woman slipped handcuffs, took police SUV on 100-MPH chase for 23 minutes  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 9 in 490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding this battle. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable. --- Paul Tillich (1886 - 1965) A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out". They both were very faithful,loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it...so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home. The following day, one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"... "That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read: "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"!!! _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?" --------------- Sounds familiar. I got a bad case of gout late last week:  It is not due to my ascetic diabetic diet, but possibly due to the diabetes and the water pills. Yesterday I got to see my doctor. He told me to come back in 2 weeks. Today I found out that sometimes it goes away in 7 days. ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Toscha Fay Sponsler, 33, Pollok, Texas  Texas woman slipped handcuffs, took police SUV on 100-MPH chase  Texas police published video Tuesday showing a shoplifting suspect slipping out of her handcuffs, stealing a police SUV and leading officers on a breathtaking high-speed chase. The woman, identified as Toscha Fay Sponsler, 33, of Pollok, Texas, ran away from Lufkin police officers responding to a call of a possible shoplifter at a beauty supply store on Saturday. After the officers ran her down on foot, Sponsler was cuffed behind her back and buckled into a seatbelt in the back of a patrol SUV, police said. Video from the SUV's internal camera records Sponsler deftly wriggling out her handcuffs, keeping a wary eye out and playing possum whenever someone in uniform passes by the window. With a build like an 8 year old boy she easiy clambers through the sliding partition and over into the front seat, then speeds off, with officers vainly trying to run after her on foot. Video from the unit's dash camera records Sponsler speeding and veering across lanes, at one point swerving to avoid a spike strip that a roadside officer tosses into the street. After what police said was a 23-minute pursuit at speeds hitting 100 mph, officers maneuver Sponsler into making a hard turn into a residential yard more than 20 miles away in the town of Zavalla, where she loses control of the SUV and finally comes to a stop. Officers break through the driver's-side window and toss Sponsler on the ground, where they cuff her again, a bit toghter this time. Sponsler remained in the Angelina County Jail on $18,000 bond on Tuesday night, charged with five felony counts of escape with the threat of a deadly weapon, aggravated assault, unauthorized use of a vehicle, possession of a controlled substance and evading arrest, according to jail records. The deadly weapon was a police shotgun mechanically locked to the SUV, which pursuing officers said they saw Sponsler reach for repeatedly.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How safe is Skype Dear Webby, My daughter wants me to install Skype in my computer at home and in the office, to save on phone bills. How safe is that? Karen  Dear Karen Skype is perfectly safe. It is so heavily encrypted, that even if somebody figured a way to intercept it, they could not extract any information. Also, it does not open any security holes like many other programs do. Even though it is nowhere near as good as before Microsoft bought it for $8.5 Billion to make sure Google did not get it, Skype is really easy on computer's resources. There is no need to shut it down now and then to release hogged memory. It's not just for talking and video chatting for free over the net. It includes a text chat module for typing back and forth and sending pictures, movies, music, links, etc. You can even send SMS messages to cell phones. Voice quality is still very good, often better than over a phone. We have used Skype for tech support for about 18 years now, and have never had a problem with it. I normally just use text chat, because it allows people to copy and paste. My father is the only exception. I video chat 5 - 10 minutes with him every day, noon my time, 8 PM his time in Austria. Why not? It is free, and at his age typing is a nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Strong Necklace Thread  Tired of your necklace breaking? Restring it with fishing line. Fishing line is very strong and inexpensive. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Dont get too carried away! Choose a fishing line, that is not stronger than your neck! Test it by snagging it on a coat hook. 10lb or 15lb is strong enough and usually won't kill you. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Can you guess which is the alpha dog? 
 ____________________________________________________  Keli and Anni were flying Arkansas Airlines to Minneapolis. Anni was flying the plane, and Keli was in the back fooling with the cargo equipment and stuff. The plane hit some turbulence an started bouncing around an Anni got knocked unconscious. Then the plane start drifting. Keli came running up to the front and saw Anni sprawled out all over the controls. Well, Keli doesn't know anything about flying and she starts to get panicky. She grabs the microphone and screams "May Day! May Day! This is Arkansas Air Line 90210. Anni, is knocked unconscious and I don't know how to fly the plane!" "This is the control tower," someone answers. "Don't you worry about nothing. We're gonna teach you how to land the plane, step by step. Just leave everything to us. First, how high are you , and what's your position?" Keli thought for a minute, then said, "I'm five foot two and I'm all the way to the front of the plane." "No! No!" answer the tower. "What's your altitude, and where are you located?" Keli said, "Man, right now I've got a poor attitude, an I'm from Caraway, Arkansas!!" "No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "I need to know how many feet you got off the ground and where your plane is in relation to the airport!" Keli, she starts to panic by this time, and says, "Counting Anni's feet and mine together, we got four feet off the ground and I don't believe this plane is related to your airport!" A long pause ---- the silence was deafening. "We need to know who is your next of kin." ___________________________________________________  
 
 Don't stare at these drawings too long because you'll feel like you're falling in. 
 ___________________________________________________ From Armond Dear Webby, I am consistently amazed at your easy, common sense replies to some of the trickiest questions, not like the insecure and usually clueless answers I get from my ISP's and my web host's tech support.  Dear Armond We do provide web hosting! You are most welcome to upgrade and move your site to our servers. DearWebby 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life, --- and give up me Irish Whiskey." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, Lord, I found one." ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, Sept 9, in 490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding this battle. 1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term "United States", replacing the previous term "United Colonies." 1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law. 1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City of New York. 1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike. The force was made up of 1,500 men. 1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over NE in an attempt to set fire to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The rain forest did not ignite. 1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and Salerno. 1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. 1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the U.S. in the organization. 1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the National Hockey League (NHL). 1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and banned strikes. 1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an error. 1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was released 44 months later. 1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films on WTBS in Atlanta, GA. 1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations employee. 1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the flight of refugees. 1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day mission. 1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's future. 1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S. Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of U.S. President Clinton. 1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2 miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications downloaded. 2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications downloaded. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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