Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 4 Thank you, Paul!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Chandler officer hit, killed by suspect in stolen truck  ___________________________________________________ Today, May 3 in 1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. ____________________________________________________ Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather (1908 - 1976) Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. --- James Thorpe (1888 - 1953) ____________________________________________________ TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT 1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener. 2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? 3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? 4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior motives? 5. Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us? 6. This looks like a good spot for a nap. 7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. 8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? 9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? 10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let them know who's boss! ____________________________________________________ Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. --- Jim Bishop ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jonathan Altland, 25, Chandler, Arizona, USA  Chandler officer hit, killed by suspect in stolen truck  A suspect in a stolen vehicle struck and killed one police officer and critically injured another during a wild chase that temporarily shut down a municipal airport in Chandler before ending at a car dealership in Gilbert, authorities said Friday. The chase late Thursday night resulted in the death of Chandler Police Officer Christopher Farrar and left a Gilbert police officer hospitalized in critical condition with a severe head injury, their departments said. Gilbert police and Pinal Sheriff Mark Lamb said the pursuit began at about 10 p.m. Thursday night when a sheriff's deputy tried to pull over a speeding vehicle near Eloy and then reported he'd been shot at. The police chase ended up in Chandler Airport where the suspect driver busted through one of the gates, causing the facility to briefly shut down. As multiple law enforcement agencies continued to try to take the suspect into custody, the driver ended up getting onto the Loop 202 freeway while driving the wrong way. He eventually crashed near the Val Vista Drive on-ramp. Officials say the suspect then fled on foot and stole a truck from a Ford dealership at SanTan Motorplex, hitting two officers and one of the dealership janitors. One of them was Officer Christopher Farrar, who later died from his injuries. "Chris was struck and killed by a violent felon in a stolen vehicle following a multi-agency shooting and pursuit," Chandler Police Chief Sean Duggan said. The second officer that was hit suffered a severe head injury and is currently in the hospital in critical condition. On the afternoon of April 30, Gilbert Police officials identified the office as Rico Aranda. Aranda, who has been with the department since 2018, is reportedly in critical but stable condition. Three Arizona Department of Public Safety troopers suffered non-life-threatening injuries. It wasn't clear how the troopers were injured. The janitor that was struck suffered minor injuries. The suspect, who was also hurt, attempted to drive away from the dealership as four state troopers and three Pinal County sheriff's deputies fired at him. On the night of April 30, Gilbert Police officials identified the suspect as 25-year-old Jonathan Altland. "Altland is facing charges of murder, aggravated assault, and auto theft," read a tweet by Gilbert Police officials. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Lynn RE: How reliable is ZOOM ?  Dear Webby Messenger is too unreliable, and they censor you and put you into FB jail if you dare to post facts. Some friends have switched to ZOOM and tell me to follow. I realize, there is no wacky gossip, but I rarely read that anyway. So, how reliable is ZOOM, and how easy is it, compared to Skype? I do occasionally use Skype, but since Microsoft bought it, I don't trust it anymore. Lynn  Dear Lynn Zoom usually works quite well, about like Skype used to. As a newbie let your friends initiate calls. Then you get an email with a clickable link and a password. Hit that and you are connected in full color. As you mentioned, there is no gossip and no bimbo-malfunctions badmouthing you. It is strictly you and your friend. You can drag more friends into the conversation and have a conference. For example Jocelyne, my diabetic nurse, sometimes drags in Nicole, her intern or apprentice, and then they gang up on me. She even shares part of her screen and drags an Excel spreadsheet onto it, and gives me hell about "sinning" last Tuesday afternoon. I still use Skype, especially for phoning, but I also use ZOOM more and more. Still have a lot to learn on that. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 A "Strong Like Bull, Smart Like Shovel" Award goes to a Hastings, Nebraska man who stole a city snow plow, drove it to a nearby city to buy some beer. He also needed fuel for the big, gas guzzling plow truck to bring the beer back home. He used one of his own personal checks to pay for the gas. DUH. I think he is on the county snow SHOVEL crew now. 
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 >From Jan Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister, but i would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand." "I can handle that without a problem," the other nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "back at our nunnery, we call it a Catholic shampoo." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: "the curlers are on the house." ____________________________________________ (Taken from actual letters received by a County Department) "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children I have seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper." "Mrs. Jones had not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy." "Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or do anything until he knows." "I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was borned." "In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory." "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see." "Unless I get my husbands money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an imortal life." "You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make any difference?" ____________________________________________ Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note: "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, May 4 in 1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between Spain and Portugal. 1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. 1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. 1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted. 1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 1863 The Battle of Chancellorsville ended when the Union Army retreated. 1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' strike in Chicago, IL. Eight people died in the violence during that day. 1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 1904 The U.S. formally took control of the property for construction of the Panama Canal. 1905 Belmont Park opened in suburban Long Island. It opened as the largest race track in the world. 1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a demand from U.S. President Wilson. 1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 1942 The United States began food rationing. 1961 Thirteen civil rights activists, dubbed "Freedom Riders," began a bus trip through the South. 1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. Four students were killed and nine others were wounded. 1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman prime minister. 1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to 14%. 1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex bra ads. 1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the first time. 2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the horse family to be cloned. 2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for $106.5 million. 2012 In Las Vegas, NV, Google received the first self-driving vehicle testing license. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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