Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, May 30 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: PA grave robber arrested for assaulting man with cerebral palsy.  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 30 in 1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the age of 19. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. --- Bill Watterson (1958 - ) The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Dave: A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he observed very closely the ordinance of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face. Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, just be a Methodist." ______________________________________________________   Oops-fergot-to-hold-it-with-both-hands! _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Barry Baker, 29, West Chester, Pennsylvania  PA veteran's grave robber arrested for assaulting man with cerebral palsy.  The Pennsylvania dirtbag arrested for sucker punching a man with cerebral palsy is actually a worse person than he appears, records show. Barry Baker, 29, was charged earlier this month with battery for an unprovoked 2:30 AM attack outside a 7-Eleven in West Chester (where Baker has lived and worked for a tow company). As seen in the above surveillance video, Baker, an ex-con, walloped the 22-year-old victim after mocking the way the man walked.  Though Baker--charged with assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct--was initially released on $25,000 bail, he will soon return to jail after a judge this week issued an arrest warrant charging him with violating his probation. According to court records, Baker was placed on three years probation in October 2015 for violating terms of a probation sentence imposed following his conviction for theft from a motor vehicle. In addition to his arrest this month, Baker allegedly violated his probation by not paying restitution, fines, and court costs of nearly $4500. Bakers rap sheet includes convictions for theft, forgery, conspiracy, and receiving stolen property. The latter count stemmed from Bakers involvement in a crime on par with punching a guy with cerebral palsy in the face. In 2007, Baker pleaded guilty to his role in the theft of hundreds of bronze flag holders that marked the graves of veterans at two Pennsylvania cemeteries. Baker and his accomplices stole the markers so that they could be sold as scrap metal. Police recovered nearly 250 flag holders--worth about $10,000--from a Pennsylvania scrap company. Baker, who was charged with 143 counts of intentional desecration of a venerated object, pleaded guilty to felony conspiracy and receiving stolen property counts. He was sentenced to a minimum of eleven-and-a-half months in jail and a maximum of 23 months in custody. He was also ordered to participate in a drug or alcohol treatment program and undergo a mental health evaluation.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Elsinore Re: How to choose domain names Dear Webby I know you mentioned it before, but I didn't need that info at the time and did not save it. What's to watch out for when choosing a domain name? Thanks Elsinore  Dear Elsinore Above all, a domain name has to be memorable. It should be short enough and clear enough, so that you can shout it across a street or meeting room, and have people remember it correctly. Also make sure that the extension is a ".com" or a ".biz". ".com" is what people type on autopilot, without thinking. That is the most valuable one. "biz" is memorable enough that it works nearly as well. The name registration cost is the same. We charge $12 for ".com", "biz", ".net", ".org" and some of the less useful ones that I don't recommend. To test memorability, sing a name in the shower. If it sounds silly or awkward, try something else. If it sounds good and does not make you stumble, or cringe, then you have a winner. I have recommended that for over ten years and it has helped countless people to find a good name. You can always Skype me and tell me what you have in mind, and I'll help you find a short and memorable name. Have FUN! DearWebby    A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Baby Clothes Quite often when you buy or are given baby or toddler clothes they come in outfits. A matching top and bottom, maybe even with a matching hat. One way to keep these items together is to fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags before putting them away. You will be able to easily see the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again.   

drunk driver drives through Russian airport

A pastor went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but whenever he looked through the top portion of the glasses he got dizzy. He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems, then said, "I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses. You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick." ___________________________________________________

This is what Memorial Day is about, let us remember them.

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we can sell at a profit. Mrs Beasly, please wake up your husband!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and he's trying to fix it when he hears a voice coming behind him, "You have water in the gas tank." The man turns around and all he sees is a cow from the farm. He goes back to his car and again the same voice says, "You have water in the gas tank." The man turns around again and he sees nothing and nobody except the cow, and the voice defintiely came from the cow, "You have water in the gas tank." The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the farmer's house. When the farmer answers the door the man says, "The cow talked to me and said I had water in my gas tank. He can talk?" The farmer replied, "Ignore her, that cow barely understands Diesel engines and doesn't have a clue about gas engines."

 Today, on May 30 1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the age of 19. 1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned France to its 1792 borders. 1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in the U.S. 1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in a stampede after a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger of collapsing. 1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill climb was held. 1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect American interests. 1913 The First Balkan War ended. 1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to the Department of the Interior. 1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to audiences at Chicagos Century of Progress Exposition. 1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from the Japanese during World War II. 1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war erupted. 1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a journey to Mars. 1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was assassinated. 1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by leftist rebels. 1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when sex offenders move in. 1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up to 5,000. 2017 Do smiled.

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