Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, October 1  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, October 1, in 1949, Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award  British man bites police dog  ____________________________________________________ The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. --- David Brinkley (1920 - 2003) ___________________________________________________ Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!" ____________________________________________________ One day, Little Johnny visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage Little Johnny's arm. "I think you'd better bandage the other arm", said Little Johnny. "But, why? I'm supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it." "Doc, you really don't have a clue about how my friends behave!" __________________________________________________  reported by Rock an international bonehead award has been earned by  Matthew Boulter, Grimsby, 34, Britain  Dopey British man bites police dog  A British man was sentenced to eight months in jail after biting a police dog. The incident occurred when police were trying to arrest Matthew Boulter, 34, after locals complained of him assaulting three people in the area, according to Humberside Police. Boulter, from Grimbsy, was unwilling to go into custody without a fight, punching and kicking an officer. When a police dog was sent in to assist in the arrest, the man grabbed and bit the dog on the head. A man from Grimsby has been jailed for 8 months for biting a police dog on the head. It happened on Sunday, when Matthew Boulter was being arrested. PD Xander made a full recovery. "Assaulting emergency service workers is not acceptable, and our police dogs provide vital assistance to us. They are part of the police family," Detective Sgt. Thomas Crosfill of Humberside Police said. The beloved police dog, Xander, luckily only sustained minor injuries. "Thankfully, PD Xander quickly made a full recovery and was back at work the next day," Crosfill said. Xander was previously nominated for the National Police Bravery Award in 2021 for his role in apprehending an armed criminal, according to the Telegraph. The latest incident could see the canine nominated once again. Police said Boulter pled guilty to six offenses: causing unnecessary suffering to an animal, assaulting an emergency services worker, assault, criminal damages, and two counts of battery. _____________________________________________________ When Amanda's son was 6, they were going to Amanda's mother's house where he was going to spend the night. He had been playing on Amanda's nerves the entire day and finally, right before they pulled into Amanda's mother's driveway, she put the standard "mother's curse" on him, saying, "When you grow up, I hope you have a child just like you." He looked at Amanda with big crocodile tears in his eyes and said, "Gee, Mommy, I thought you wanted me to be happy!" _____________________________________________________   _________________________________________________ A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, "What is a specimen?" He replies," Heck if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse." The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body. "What in the world happened?" asked her husband. "Damned if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was, and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go shit in her hat, and then all hell broke loose!" _____________________________________________________   Norway ___________________________________________________ As an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide pages, e.g., "I have a customer in hard- ware who needs assistance at the paint counter." One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the following message: "I have a customer by the balls in the toy department and I need assistance." _________________________________________________  Dearwebby's tech support pits From: Gordon Re: Edit PDF files Dear Webby, Do you know of any program that can be used to open and edit PDF and scanned files? I want to take a PDF file and use it in Word so I can edit it and use it for my own use. Thanks once again for your help. Gordon  Dear Gordon Use Open Office PDF editor. You can use it for filling forms, and also for writing E-Books, and even to save in Microsot WEIRD format. It is free. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food." "That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you." "No, not in the slightest," says the first one. "You must be a saint," her friend says. "Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking." _____________________________________________________ A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pup for her birthday. An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor. "My pup," she murmured proudly, "runneth over." _____________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  today, October 1, in 1569, The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 1800, Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively doubling its size. 1880, Thomas Edison began the commercial production of electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 1885, Special delivery mail service began in the United States. The first routes were in West Virginia. 1890, The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The act raised tariffs to a record level. 1896, Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post Office. 1908, The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The purchase price of the car was $850. 1918, Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I by a force made up of British and Arab forces. 1936, General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the Spanish state. 1938, German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control of the Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days before. 1940, The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll superhighway in the United States. 1943, Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World War II. 1946, The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted. 1949, Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 1962, Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on NBC- TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar was the previous host. 1964, The Free Speech Movement was started at the University of California at Berkeley. 1968, "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA. 1972, The Chinese government approved friendly relations with the United States. 1979, The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over to Panama. 1980, Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on the cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to achieve this in 97 years. 1982, EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney. 1984, U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that he was taking a leave of absence following his indictment on charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted. 1985, The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli jet fighters. 1988, Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 1989, The authorized Charles Schulz biography, Good Grief, was published. 1989, 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after they were allowed to leave by the communist government. 1990, U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait. 1990, In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 1991, U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended. 1991, The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 1992, The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the U.S. Senate. 1994, The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series of trade agreements. 1994, The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a lockout of the players that lasted 103 days. 1995, Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S. through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 1996, Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 1998, The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994. 1999, The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing. 2001, San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated the use of the filters. 2009, In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 2022 Do! smiled.