Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, May 12 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Minnesota mom arrested for being the CEO of massive Meth operation Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 12 in 1847 William Clayton invented the odometer. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. --- James Branch Cabell (1879 - 1958) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver. "Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your flashing light, I knew I was screwed." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ MY chair!, she says. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this has taken so long, I'm not sure if she is still alive." ---------- Here in Black Diamond admission is pretty fast. They take your info, attach a wrist band, and send you to a waiting room all in about 5 minutes. From the waiting room in about five minutes an assistant takes you in, and asks you what is wrong with you and puts you in a treatment room. Normally, from the time you enter the hospital to the time you see a doctor is less than 15 minutes. You usually don't have time to die in that span. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Macrina Perez, 25, Brooklyn Center, Minnesota Minnesota mom arrested for being the CEO of massive Meth operation Federal prosecutors allege a 25-year-old Minnesota mother of two is the leader of one of the biggest methamphetamine trafficking cells state has ever seen. Attorney Gary Wolf tells The Star Tribune that his client Macrina Perez is "adamant about fighting" the allegations. Wolf has successfully lobbied against federal detention and Perez may get early release under GPS monitoring while she awaits trial. Prosecutors fear she may escape prosecution if she's released. Wolf says Perez was arrested in April at the U.S.-Mexico border during a shopping trip. She was charged nearly two years ago in a sealed indictment that used information from several informants whose identities are protected by the government. The charges are linked to a May 2016 raid of a Brooklyn Center house where authorities found 140 pounds of meth. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Error 1720 Dear Webby do you know how to fix the " 1720 error " ? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel There are two ways to fix 1720 Error: Advanced Computer User Solution (manual restore): 1) Start your computer and log on as an administrator. 2) Click the Start button then select All Programs, Accessories, System Tools, and then click System Restore. 3) In the new window, select "Restore my computer to an earlier time" option and then click Next. 4) Select the most recent system restore point from the "On this list, click a restore point" list, and then click Next. 5) Click Next on the confirmation window. 6) Restart the computer when the restoration is finished. Novice Computer User Solution (completely automated): 1) Download (Error 1720) repair utility. 2) Install program and click Scan button. 3) Click the Fix Errors button when scan is completed. 4) Restart your computer. Have FUN DearWebby A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and both you and your wife were unconscious so I named them for you." The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said, "Well what did you name them?" The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?" The brother replied, "Denephew." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Bob's six year old son came home from school after attending a health class. When he asked him what he'd learned that day, the boy was quiet fora minute and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?" The father laughed and told him the term was 'circumcised', but the answer was still no. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Luggage Tip When traveling by air, put a brightly colored ribbon on your luggage. The more colorful, the better. When your suitcases come around on the baggage claim you will be sure to spot them on the first go around. By Delores Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Guess who started that ? Yes, you are right, good ol Dear Webby, in the early 70's. Every time I travel, I am surprised at how many people still have not caught on to that trick. Since about 1995 I also have my laminated business card, which has my picture on it, epoxied to every piece of luggage, my camera and my laptop. You can print your own business cards or luggage tags and have them laminated at Staples for a dollar, or order them on-line. As you can easily imagine, that eliminates any confusion or argument about who an item belongs to. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS COLLECTED BY VINDICTIVE TEACHERS: Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock. For asphyxiation: apply artificial perspiration until the patient is dead. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. | Early Highlights from the 2018 Nat Geo Travel Photographer of the Year Contest. |
___________________________________________________ In October, the Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. A week later, being a good leader, he then went to his computer and emailed the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be cold?" Somebody at the National Weather Service responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he emailed the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," they replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he emailed the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," they replied, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!" Well, when the winter turned out to be milder than usual, they called it "Global Warming" and blamed Trump. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course. Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course. One of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?" He responds, "I left my car keys in the bag." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk,they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no Good last night, my wife came home without her panties...". The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you! The Volunteer Fire Department" ___________________________________________________ Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, caressing her marble rolling pin, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, May 12 in 1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise triumphantly entered the city. 1780 Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces. 1847 William Clayton invented the odometer. 1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate. 1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled against the Canadian government. 1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over the North Pole. 1926 In Britain, a general strike by trade unions ended. The strike began on May 3, 1926. 1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey. 1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army crossing Muese River. 1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from the German army. 1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during World War II. 1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade. 1950 The American Bowling Congress abolished its white males-only membership restriction after 34 years. 1957 A.J. Foyt won his first auto racing victory in Kansas City, MO. 1965 West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing diplomatic relations. 1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian forces in international waters. 1978 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that they would no longer exclusively name hurricanes after women. 1982 South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but not to blacks. 1984 South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife for the first time in 22 years. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin dismissed Prime Minister Yevgeny Primakov and named Interior Minister Sergei Stepashin as his successor. 2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head of state, in or out of office, had gone to the island since Castro's 1959 revolution aned Castro's nationalization of US owned refineries and plantations. 2003 In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a congressional redistricting plan. 2015 It was announced that Verizon would be acquiring AOL. 2018 Do smiled. |
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