Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 19 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Pinal County deputy seriously hurt after fall while chasing dopey drunk __________________________________________________ On April 19 in 1987, In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 feet from the ground. __________________________________________________ We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. --- Martin Mull (1943 - ) ____________________________________________________ "Arthur's wife convinced him to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if he becomes attached to some mechanical device, to terminate his life. So, yesterday, while he was on his new exercise bike, with the heart rate monitor, the blood oxygen monitor, the breathing rate monitor and the temperature monitors attached to him. . ." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ My kind of church ! This Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest told her that she could not enter without one. A few moments later, the lady re-appeared wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without you wearing your blouse properly." "But Father, I have a divine right," she says. "Yes, I see that," he says. And your left one is just as divine, so, come on in!" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ During the "rush hour" at Houston's Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, "We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should 'deplane' at this time." A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, wrong plane." ____________________________________________________ According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars when they try to be polite. ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Courtney Burke, 29, Casa Grande, Arizona, USA Pinal County deputy seriously hurt after fall while chasing dopey drunk A Pinal County deputy was seriously injured after a chase involving a woman suspected of driving under the influence earlier this month, officials said. The driver, Courtney Burke, 29, was allegedly swerving and driving at speeds of up to 130 miles per hour on Interstate 10 near Casa Grande on April 6. When a deputy tried to pull her over, officials say she failed to stop and began a short chase. "The female suspect got her vehicle stuck in the dirt area off of the I-10 and I-8 junction," Pinal County officials said. Burke reportedly ran away on foot, and when the deputy tried to chase her down, he fell 6 to 8 feet off a concrete retaining wall, causing "serious injury" to both of his legs. The deputy was hospitalized and is recovering at home. Meanwhile, Burke was arrested on suspicion of DUI. Deputies found methamphetamine in her car, officials said. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elroy Re: AdRemover Dear Webby My wife thought she was helpful by installing something called Ad Remover 7 day free trial. Now that nuisance is popping up more than the ads! And news sites complain about it and won't show the news! How to get rid of it? Elroy Dear Elroy "Ad remover" is from Norton. That means it is a pain in the nuisance to get rid of. Click on the ugly grey Ad Remover icon near the right top of the browser. In there at the right bottom is a link to the UNinstall. Hit that, and they will offer it to you for $20 instead of 49.99. While that is cheaper, it is still the same nuisance, causing news sites to block you. So ignore their nagging and follow through. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two men were talking about their jobs. "The company where I work is putting in a computer system and it is going to put a lot of people out of work. Have they started that over where you work?" "Oh," said his friend, "We've been on computers for more than five years but they can't replace me. Nobody has been able to figure out exactly what I do." ______________________________________________ Re the church attire.... ===from Deacon Jerry Then, there was the young woman who was always tardy. But she dressed in the latest styles. As she was running up to the church just as people were starting to leave she panted: "Is - M ass out?" One of the Ladies society members replied: "No, not quite, but your skirt is mighty short and it might be if you run." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
From Petra: I wish to complain - the instructions on your deodorant were very misleading. I followed your instructions on a stick of deodorant to the letter: 'Take Off Top, Push Up Bottom', and was left semi-naked in some not inconsiderable pain. And it didn't help my perspiring. Now I understand my error, but it's time that the writers of these instructions take responsibility for the resulting actions. The slogan on the front - 'Sure Wont Let You Down', was correct, I was unable to sit down all morning. ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 19, in 1012, Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop of Canterbury in 1005. 1539, Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 1587, English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank the Spanish fleet. 1689, Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 1713, Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions. 1764, The English Parliament banned the American colonies from printing paper money. 1770, Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 1775, The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at Lexington, MA. 1782, The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 1794, Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 1802, The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American merchants. 1839, The Kingdom of Belgium was recognized by all the states of Europe when the Treaty of London was signed. 1861, Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 1861, The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and nine civilians killed. 1861, U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of Confederate ports. 1892, The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by Charles and Frank Duryea. 1897, The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the first of its type in the U.S. 1927, In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai-shek. 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 1938, General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish Civil War. 1939, Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S. Constitution after 148 years. 1943, The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 1951, General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech before the U.S. Congress after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. In the address General MacArthur said that "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 1951, Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during World War II. 1956, Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil ceremony took place on April 18. 1967, Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos back to the U.S. 1971, Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was the first space station. 1975, India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 1977, Alex Haley received a special (Political) Pulitzer Prize for his book "Roots." 1981, In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 1982, NASA named Sally Ride to be first woman astronaut. 1982, NASA named Guion S. Bluford Jr. as the first African- American astronaut. 1982, The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with subversion in Central America. 1987, In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 feet from the ground. 1987, The last California condor known to be in the wild was captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. 1989, A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors were killed. 1989, In El Salvador, Attorney General Alvadora was killed by a car bomb. 1993, The Branch-Davidians compound in Waco, TX, burned to the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped the fire. 1994, A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King for violation of his civil rights. 1995, The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing on June 2, 1997. 1998, Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 2000, The Oklahoma City National Memorial was dedicated on the fifth anniversary of the bombing in Oklahoma that killed 168 people. 2000, In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 2002, The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida network. 2022 Do smiled. |
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