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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 22, in 1963, U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: 23-year-old California man arrested after trying to hit an officer with his car _____________________________________________________ Q You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing." --- Sir Arnold Bax (1883 - 1953) Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. --- Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994) ____________________________________________________ Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere. So we asked, "How are you taking it?" Her reply: "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!" __________________________________________________ The father watched through the window as his young daughter made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little neighbor boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." His daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Matthew Tijerina, 23, Merced. California, USA 23-year-old California man arrested after trying to hit an officer with his car A man was arrested in Merced after police say he intentionally tried to hit an officer. Around 10:15 p.m. Saturday, an officer was transporting a prisoner to his patrol car near G street and East Yosemite Avenue. That's when investigators say 23-year-old Matthew Tijerina intentionally swerved into oncoming traffic lanes and tried to hit the officer who was standing outside of his patrol vehicle. Officers tried to stop Tijerina and an 11- mile pursuit started. Authorities were able to stop the suspect by using a spike strip to disable his vehicle. He was booked into jail for assault on a peace officer, felony vehicle pursuit and felony arrest warrants. Thankfully, no one was injured. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Rick, a neighbor down the street was home every day, sitting on his porch. After a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue in management." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Canada _________________________________________________ A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $ 50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What the heck took ya so long ? You're over two hours late." "Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie. " I have a 27 handicap and I am not used to play with artificial light." _______________________________________________ A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack only lasted 6 hours!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A missionary discovered a tribe of natives who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the missionary that the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionary asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage stuff," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives, and all without the oldfashioned and traditional hassles with divorce lawyers and courts and custody battles and waiting periods!" ___________________________________________________ Nostalgia Bonehead Award from 2000 A Bonehead award goes to **** ****, a Minnesota man who beat himself up in front of the security cameras at a Turtle Lake casino, and then tried to claim he was robbed. Police have no idea why he thought that they would refund him for the amount he claimed he was robbed for. He is in politics now, so we can't mention his name. __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:The other Bill Re: How to get rid of Internet Exploder 11 Dear Webby My wife has gone to a site, that she should not have, and it made Internet Exploder the default browser. That is a piece of Pelosi. We use W7. I went in there and changed the default back to Chrome. I can use Chrome, but when clicking on a link in the mail, it opens that stupid Internet Exploder 11, slowly. Uninstalling it did not help. Nothing I tried helped. Microsoft was not help. They told me W7 is not supported anymore and that I should downgrade to W10. What do I have to do to get rid of that nuisance? The other Bill Dear Bill Yes, they don't know how to fix that problem. Somebody squewed up and Internet Exploder is no longer treated as a program, but as a "Feature", that can be turned on by viruses or attack pages. That is like saying Hemorrhoids are a health "feature", and somebody is going to fry in hell for that! I your case, most likely your wife went to a dubious genealogy or criminal records reference page, disregarded the warning by your protection, and that page turned on the Internet Exploder "feature", because it is less secure than Chrome and easier for hackers. By the time your wife realized that some bad stuff was happening, it was too late. To turn Windows features on or off, follow these steps: Click the Start button Click Control Panel Click Programs Click Turn Windows features on or off. If you are prompted for an administrator password or confirmation, type the password or provide confirmation. To turn a Windows feature off, clear the check box. Click OK. Internet Exploder 11 is NOT a program, that can be UNinstalled, but a "Feature" (like hemorrhoids) built into the core. Tell your wife that you only turned that "feature" off by getting Preparation H all over your fingers, but that hackers can turn it on again, and WILL do that, if she goes back to that site. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Ed asks his eight year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. "Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age five I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age six I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age seven you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!" _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 22, in 1699, A treaty was signed by Denmark, Russia, Saxony and Poland for the partitioning of the Swedish Empire. 1718, English pirate Edward Teach (a.k.a. "Blackbeard") was killed during a battle off the coast of North Carolina. British soldiers cornered him aboard his ship and killed him. He was shot and stabbed more than 25 times. 1899, The Marconi Wireless Company of America was incorporated in New Jersey. 1906, The International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin adopted the SOS distress signal. 1910, Arthur F. Knight patented a steel shaft to replace wood shafts in golf clubs. 1928, In Paris, "Bolero" by Maurice Ravel was first performed publicly. 1935, The first trans-Pacific airmail flight began in Alameda, CA, when the flying boat known as the China Clipper left for Manila. The craft was carrying over 110,000 pieces of mail. 1942, During World War II, the Battle of Stalingrad began. 1943, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Chinese leader Chiang Kai-shek met in Cairo to discuss the measures for defeating Japan. 1963, U.S. President Kennedy was assassinated while riding in a motorcade in Dallas, TX. Texas Governor John B. Connally was also seriously wounded. Vice-President Lyndon B. Johnson was inaugurated as the 36th U.S. President. 1967, The U.N. Security Council approved resolution 242. The resolution called for Israel to withdraw from territories it had captured in 1967 and called on adversaries to recognize Israel's right to exist. 1972, U.S. President Richard M. Nixon lifted a ban on American travel to Cuba. The ban had been put in place on February 8, 1963. 1974, The U.N. General Assembly gave the Palestine Liberation Organization observer status. 1975, Juan Carlos I was proclaimed King of Spain upon the death of Gen. Francisco Franco. 1975, "Dr. Zhivago" appeared on TV for the first time. NBC paid $4 million for the broadcast rights. 1977, Regular passenger service on the Concorde began between New York and Europe. 1983, The Bundestag approved NATO's plan to deploy new U.S. nuclear missiles in West Germany. 1985, Anne Henderson-Pollard was taken into custody a day after her husband Jonathon Jay Pollard was arrested for spying for Israel. 1985, 38,648 immigrants became citizens of the United States. It was the largest swearing-in ceremony. 1986, An Iranian surface-to-surface missile hit a residential area in the Iraqi capital of Baghdad, wounding 20 civilians. 1986, Attorney Generel Meese's office discovered a memo in Colonel Oliver North's office that included an amount of money to be sent to the Contras from the profits of weapons sales to Iran. 1986, Mike Tyson became the youngest to wear the world heavyweight-boxing crown. He was only 20 years and 4 months old. 1988, The South African government announced it had joined Cuba and Angola in endorsing a plan to remove Cuban troops from Angola. 1989, Rene Moawad, the president of Lebanon, was assassinated less than three weeks after taking office by a bomb that exploded next to his motorcade in West Beirut. 1990, U.S. President George H.W. Bush, his wife, Barbara, and other congressional leaders shared Thanksgiving dinner with U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia. 1990, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher announced she would resign. 1993, Mexico's Senate overwhelmingly approved the North American Free Trade Agreement. 1993, American Airlines flight attendants ended their strike that only lasted four days. 1994, Inside the District of Columbia's police headquarters a gunman opened fire. Two FBI agents, a city detective and the gunman were killed in the gun battle. 1994, In northwest Bosnia, Serb fighters set villages on fire in response to a retaliatory air strikes by NATO. 1998, CBS's "60 Minutes" aired a tape of Jack Kevorkian giving lethal drugs in an assisted suicide of a terminally ill patient. Kevorkian was later sentenced to 25 years in prison for second-degree murder. 2005, Angela Merkel was elected as Germany's first female chancellor. 2005, Microsoft's XBOX 360 went on sale. 2013, The discovery of Siats meekerorum was announced. The dinosaur skeleton, more than 30 feet long, was found in eastern Utah. 2022 Do smiled.
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