Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 3 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Wanna-be bank robber arrested in Glendale  ___________________________________________________ Today, July 3 in 1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting civil rights to women. ____________________________________________________ The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand. --- Frank Herbert (1920 - 1986) ____________________________________________________ An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.' The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Please, may I come with him tomorrow?' ____________________________________________________   jonnytrisch42 Sunrise at the iconic Mesa Arch in Canyonlands National Park, Moab, UT ____________________________________________________ A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around. Suddenly, he gazes upon the most stunning bronze statue of a Siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $200 for the statue and $2000 for the story that goes with it." The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do want the statue." As the man is paying for the statue, the shop owner says "All right, but I guarantee you will be back for the story." The man walks out of the shop and starts down the street carrying the cat statue. When he comes to the crosswalk, he happens to glance behind him and sees 3 or 4 cats sitting about 10 feet away, looking at him. He shrugs it off and crosses when the light changes. He goes several more blocks and, at another crosswalk, looks behind himself again. This time there are about 30 cats sitting there looking at him. The man starts to get a little nervous and picks up his pace when the light changes. By the time the man reaches the pier at the end of the street, he has now been running for several blocks. He was running because every time he turned around, there were more and more cats behind him. He looked like the pied piper. When he got to the end of the pier, he turned around once more and saw at least 2000 cats sitting there looking at him. There were so many cats that there was no way to get off the pier without going through them and he knew there was no way he was going to do that. In a panic, he turned toward the water and heaved the statue as far as he could. Amazingly, all of the cats ran right past him and jumped in the water after the statue and never came out. The man, still shaking from his ordeal, immediately started running back to the shop. As he burst through the door, the shop owner saw him and said, "I told you that you'd be back for the story!" "To heck with the story," gasps the man, "do you have a statue of a politician??" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Anekin Genesis. 32, Glendale, Arizona, USA  Wanna-be bank robber arrested in Glendale  Police say they arrested a man who attempted to rob a bank in Glendale. According to Glendale Police, officers responded to a bank near 43rd Avenue and Peoria on June 28 for reports of a man with a gun who threatened to have a bomb and would detonate it if he was hurt or arrested. Thirty-two-year-old Anekin Genesis was captured on surveillance video "pointing to his watch and telling bank employees they were running out of time," police said in a statement on Wednesday. "Bank employees hid for their safety and Genesis then left the bank with his bags empty." Genesis was located by officers hiding in bushes and he was taken into custody. Police say Genesis had evidence of the attempted bank robbery on him, including a partially-written note that he was writing for another attempted bank robbery. Detectives interviewed Genesis and he confessed to the attempted robbery, "saying he thought he would rob a bank to pay his rent money and buy a car," police said. Genesis was booked into jail and is accused of armed robbery.  
 DearWebby's tech support pits from: Irwin re: UNinstall programs Dear Webby I inherited a computer from my daughter. It is totally polluted with all kinds of weird programs, that I do NOT want. Should I just dump it, or can it be cleaned? Irwin  Dear Irwin If you look on the right side menu, you will see the Revo UNinstaller for the last 14 or so years. The free version will work nicely for you. It will clean up that computer, gently, but thoroughly, like a mom washing a kid, who has fallen into a mud puddle. It goes through the computer, lists all the programs and tells you what they do, and whether it is safe to uninstall them. Then YOU got the last word, whether to dump or to keep. It is quite civilized, and Millions of people use it, and why I have given it such a prominent spot in the side menu. I don't get anything when you download it or buy the PRO. All that stuff there is just goodies for you. Check them out! Have FUN! DearWebby 
 A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so does my husband." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me." 
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 The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with Gods divine will. At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of Gods creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide. The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do. But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They havent seen a squirrel since. ____________________________________________ Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The Fairy Godmother replied: "Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish: "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said: "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!" The Fairy Godmother replied: "It's the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: "I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: "You have one more wish, what will you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man." Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful - the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen - so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke: "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!" And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms. He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath: "I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?" ____________________________________________ One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. "Well," he began, "I remember back in '44', we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!' Well... I just crapped my pants." The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have crapped my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said 'ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!'" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, July 3, in 1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain. 1775 U.S. Gen. George Washington took command of the Continental Army at Cambridge, MA. 1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting civil rights to women. 1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a commercial treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports to U.S. merchants and protected the rights of American citizens in China. 1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended after three days. It was a major victory for the North as Confederate troops retreated. 1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company introduced the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was called the "Montezuma." 1878 John Wise flew the first dirigible in Lancaster, PA. 1880 "Science" began publication. Thomas Edison had provided the principle funding. 1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were destroyed in the battle that followed. 1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 1930 The U.S. Congress created the U.S. Veterans Administration. 1934 U.S. Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) made its first payment to Lydia Losiger. 1937 Del Mar race track opened in Del Mar, CA. 1939 Chic Youngs comic strip character, "Blondie" was first heard on CBS radio. 1940 Bud Abbott and Lou Costello debuted on NBC radio. 1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 1945 U.S. troops landed at Balikpapan and take Sepinggan airfield on Borneo in the Pacific. 1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 1942 was driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor Company plant in Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted due to World War II. 1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first air-strike of the Korean War. 1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years after the end of World War II. 1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases was later named AIDS. 1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in New York Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated Statue of Liberty. 1986 Mikhail Baryshnikov became a U.S. citizen at Ellis Island, New York Harbor. 1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated the Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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